cosmetic confession

Eden's blog today inspired this confession...

In 5th grade I convinced my mom to buy me make-up so I could continue to be cool (the  one and only time in my life I was ever in the "cool clique")

FYI...I was obsessed with Cyndi Lauper.  My parents wouldn't let me dress like her (my argument was..."But it's not like I want to dress like Madonna!!!")  (It didn't work)  So I finally convinced my mom to let me get make-up.  I got foundation..hot pink lip-stick, and a set of almost day-glo eyeshadows in blue, pink, green and yellowy-white, and pink tinted mascara.  

I do not have the complexion to carry-off hot pink lipstick.  I do not have the personality to carry-off day-glo make-up...

So I do my make-up a la Cyndi Lauper style,  all four colors of eyeshadow were on my lids...vertically.   coupled with hot-pink bubble-gum lips, and pink eyelashes.  and hop on the bus to school.

The 6th graders in my reading class mobbed me in the bathroom and made me wash it all off.
At the time I was horrified, but now I am glad they cared enough to keep me from being a complete fool.  Or am I just rationalizing?

To this day, I do NOT wear mascara...of any variety.

Isn't this a "little" classier for a 12 y/o than....

This?!?!?

Amazing Day, thank you Hartley Family.

Today Joe & I struggled w/ whether or not to brave a church service, and then if we did, what church to go to.  We have been struggling with this for a few months for various reasons, one of which that we publicly acknowledge is that the standard 10-11am service start times really wreck havoc on Zber's nap and the rest of our day is that much harder...and as I have stated before, Sundays are typically hard.

Anyhow, we decided to suck it up and go to our "home" church, mainly because I didn't feel up to being in "make new friends while struggling w/ my run-away son" mode.  it gets hard.  I have to be super cheery to do it.  I'm not super cheery lately.  so we get to church, Zber makes a dash for the nursery...what?  She really wanted to be in the nursery.  who am I to argue w/ my child when she gets a stubborn streak surpassing only her father's?  fine, the lady in the nursery is wonderful, and just loves Zber, so one less distraction to deal w/ while dealing w/ Bub.  I get asked if I want another cat.  ????  no.   Then I get into the sanctuary and note it is set up for a concert.  My whole soul drops to the bottom of my feet.  Bub does not deal w/ loud music well.  Grandma and Grandpa aren't here.  I prepare to leave within 5 min of the music starting.  I hate doing that.  I gear myself up for this, and I will be leaving almost as soon as I get there.

Here is the amazing part:  It was a family that played bluegrass.  Bub was completely mesmerized by this family and their music.  He sat the whole time and listened.  no fussing.  no screaming.  no trying to run away.  He wanted to hold both Joe and my hands.  He wanted me to help him clap in time w/ the music.  He clapped between the songs all by himself w/o any prompting that it was time to clap.

We gave them a large (for us) donation.

I was teary eyed watching Bub enjoy himself so much.

I am a sap.

The music itself was very inspirational.

I need to trust more that God is giving me the right directions, even when I don't feel up to following them and I'm dragging my feet.

After the service I brought Bub up to the leader of the family (the dad) and told him that Bub has never liked live music and has never sat thru an entire service w/o fussing, and that he loved the music so much.  I asked Bub to say "Thank you", and Bub signed "Thank you" and shook his hand.  He asked if Bub was deaf, and I had to explain that Bub has autism, and that he can hear and understand fine, he just can't/won't talk *we're still trying to decide that one*.  He gave us a CD, but I had Joe put some extra cash in the CD donation box.
If you can inspire my son that much, I will throw money at you.  Even tho I'm mostly broke.

If you get a chance check out their website....  The Hartley Family

As always Joe and I got into a "mock" argument about whether or not bluegrass is country.  My stand is that it isn't...bluegrass is to country as dixie is to jazz.    Joe laughed at me.  I know he thinks he's right.  I'll let him think it if it makes him happy, cuz right now...I am super happy.

Nubs.

My color is yellow

I don't know that I entirely agree with that.  when I read the personality traits to Joe for this color, he snort-giggled a lot in agreement (yes my hubby can snort and giggle simultaneously)...I'm still not sure if I should pull out the "mad" at him or not.

The biggest disagreement with this color, is that they are described as extroverted.  I am NOT extroverted.  I know I do this bloggy-thing and "self-publish", but that's because I can hide behind my PC, and you only see the "Good" pictures and so what if I'm slightly silly...most of you don't know me, will prolly never meet me...and if you are 7 of my 8 followers, you already know what an incredible nerd I really am and love me anyhow- so I can do the silly shit and not have a panic attack about it.

But that last part of the sentence, after the hyphen, actually was a very "yellow" statement....maybe you can be a shy-extrovert?  would that be like an Internet stalker?  you go and read all these posts and never comment, except as "anonymous"?  huh.

well, I made 2 people's day today...2 fairly gray/silver older gentlemen.  The 1st was on my elevator ride up to orientation.  I happened to be the one by the floor buttons, and I didn't hear the older gent tell me what floor he wanted, so when everyone else got off I asked him if I missed his floor.  He assured me I didn't, and I said something ridiculous like "well, I'm kinda the 'floor master' here...wanted to make sure I didn't miss you"..the way I say silly things like that w/ lots of animated hand-movements, quotation marks, and unconscious ASL signing.  He started laughing told me he really needed that, then launched into an excessively sad story about a friend of his that was having health problems.  !!!!?   I did the empathy sad face and listened...cuz the "yellow" in me can't walk away from someone w/ a sob story.  Then at lunch, I was waiting for someone in the cafeteria to get their utensils and some elderly gent with a limited number of teeth told me I was pretty....I said "Thanks, but I feel like I've passed the age where you still feel like you can be pretty" (while laughing of course...It's much easier to 'insult' yourself while laughing, and you usually get people to contradict you and then hear all sorts of nice things about yourself without sounding like you are fishing for complements....

Dear Lord, I really am a yellow personality.  Please help me not to be so unconsciously manipulating when possible.  Amen.   :(

anxiety attack

I have my "Mystery meeting" tomorrow.   Out of no where around 1pm today, I had a minor panic attack.  I haven't had a panic attack since before Bub was born.  The last one was when I was in EC, and my  Idiot  boss was railing on me for something...I don't even remember what it was about... and I just started hyperventilating and crying hysterically at the same time.  not fun.  I'm surprised he didn't call 911 with what a mess I must have been.
Today was nothing so dramatic.  Just some heart palpations that would best be described as "lurches" and a slight increase to my resp. rate accompanied by the typical thoughts you get when facing these kinds of meetings. I'll be fine.  I already gave myself the Stuart Smalley peptalk in front of my mirror today and Joe has been wonderfully kind, agreeing with me to screw going grocery shopping today, and then not laughing at me when I decided to go 30 min later.  But that's really me in a nutshell, yeah?  I talk all blustery and rebellious, and then cave in and do the right thing after I'm left alone and calm down a bit. 

Shopping sucked as it always did.  I had to buy specialty items that I normally don't because they last so long.  For example: Ground Cardamom was effin $10 for a flipping McCormick spice bottle size.  WHAT?!?  It's not like I'm buying lark-tongues or saffron.  Diapers were upmarked this week, and that bummed me out, so I'm going to have to shop around to get Zber's butt-covers at a decent price. THANK YOU LORD that Bub no longer wears pull-ups and uses the toilet to pee into.  Now...if we could just do something about the frequency of poo getting into the toilet instead of the floor, I would be ever so happy....


Nubs.

almost finished

only 1 thing to complete before I hit send.  but I'm too tired to think clearly enough to sound rational.  waiting for Zber to fall asleep for her nap so I can collapse on my heating pad and blank out for a few hours.

I have bits and snippets of what to write in y brain.  but is a jumbly riot.  I really NEED to get this done.  *yes I am being vague again on purpose* 

You would think after all the years of reviewing and reading them this would be a snap..but honestly...some of my self-confidence in this area has eroded.  When you spend a few years out of the loop by being in school AND learning how to deal with a child with special needs...one kinda become one-tracked for the specific situation I find myself in.  Well, I did.  and still kind of view my life and activities as highly comparmentalized.

It's like I don't mesh with all my faces anymore.  I'm one way with my kids, another w/ Joe, still another at my job (well except with a few exceptional people), but you get the point.  Then again, I'm much more free here in my blog than anywhere else...mainly because I don't have you interrupting me.  lol   *kinda*

still waiting for the yummy (?) bottle of soy formula to work it's magic on Zber.  wish me success in pulling the bits and pieces together in a coherent fashion.

Nubs

The Madness

I'm upset! Joe caught something on Doctor Who today that I missed and shot him down on as silly...but he was right.  WHAT?!!!!  I'm supposed to be the DW nerd in this family..he only got into DW because I watched it all the time in our early years and our apartment was so small he couldn't get away from it...and NOW he's catching things I miss?!?!   NOOOOOOO  say it ain't so.....

I think I have failed in my nerdiness...

But the reference WAS to a Tom Baker episode, and tho I like Tom Baker's Doctor...he's not my favorite..but he IS Joe's favorite....so maybe that's why he made the connection and I missed it ....5 min into the episode...grrrr.

I keep telling him to keep his mouth shut cuz that's my job.   grrrr   I think playing football today at the family reunion did something to him...got a few knocks to him from the younger cousins....  lol    *kinda*

where will it end?!?

I keep adding more blogs to my reading list.  I started by being interested in some bloggers of the day...then I found some gems with the randomiser at the top "next blog" button when I view my own blog (to make Triple sure that it doesn't look *too* stupid and I caught the majority of my not-on-purpose typos)
(Yes, I do put in on-purpose typos....I am a nerd...with my own personal vocabulary and lexicon... ask Joe...)

then I started finding people on the comments of the blogs I read, because their comment was funny...and reminded me of me. (because I am always surprised that other people have the same type of ideas/reactions I do)

I don't even know these people, but I know more about their current lives than some of the people I actually interact with on a daily basis. (not necessarily calling them "friends", you know?!?)

I do comment sometimes...but typically not. I supposed I must seem to be a random lurker when I show up in their followers queue.

Anyhow....It's Thursday morning...I scammed a paid day off, so I don't have to work today...yayee me!  Bub is going to speech therapy at 9, so I can procrastinate making his allergen free lunch...already fed the kiddos and changed the Zbear's pee-pee diaper.  Rowan is dressed and already snuck outside to jump on the trampoline.

It's cute watching him jump.  He doesn't jump like normal kids with flippies and such...he does a kind of moon-walk around the perimeter of the trampoline.  Once I get a new camera, I'll try to post a clip of it.

Also today, Zbear no longer launches into you if you roar at her.  Now she takes a few steps towards you, then remembers she should be "scared" and then runs away screeching with laughter. silly Zber.

Joe emerged from the bedroom around 615 begging me to make coffee.  poor man, his face looked like a fried egg...how could I deny him the coffee.  The kids even went to bed early last night, so I don't know what massacred him...maybe it's the ambiant smoke in the air from all the local wildfires.

*aside*
I was watching the local news a few days ago, and some yokel said "it's spreading like wildfire".  Really.  wildfire spreading like wildfire....I wonder how many grades you made it thru....  wow.  (hope the guy isn't a relative of one of my friends...sorry if he is,,,ET is kinda small that way...)

nubs

adventures today

So, now that we are entering THE worst month to live in TX, because it is SO stinkin' hot...Joe and I are trying to come up w/ creative and cheap ways of getting the cabin-fever kids out of the house for a while.  today, at 4pm CST it was 116 farenheit.  WTF?!?!?!?

Any way you slice it it has been an eventful day.

It began @6:30 when Zber decided to wake up, by 7:00 she & Bub were eating breakfast, Z decided she wanted to be a big girl and stand up at the table in a big-person chair instead of her high chair. Momma made Big mistake to let her do that....she lost her balance and did a face flop on the floor and busted open her upper lip.  So Momma had to break the 10 am rule of "no popsicles before 10 am" (you know, to get the bleeding mouth to stop bleeding).  and since Z was slurping up a popsi, Bub had to have one too, otherwise non-verbal cries of loud unfairness would puncture my poor ears when all I really want to hear is coffee brewing....

so after that, poor Zbear had a really, REALLY fat upper lip.  like her mouth was just an upper lip.  No, I didn't take pictures of my poor baby's disfigured lip.  (it's normal again already).  Bub was all huggy towards Z today after she finished her crying post-face-flop, but little Miss Z did not want to be hugged on...so there was lots of momma pulling them apart until nap time.

***Side thought***
*have I told you all how much I love nap time?  Have I told you how much I cried when Bub stopped taking his nap everyday?!?  I wish nap time didn't end until age 65...then I would get one too....lol*
***end side thought***

After nap we all had lunch, even Bub decided eating the food I made him was a good idea.  He sometimes thinks eating should only involve sweets and popsicles.  we "argue" about this frequently.  Arguing meaning a conversation like this:

*hears the fridge door open*
Momma: Bub, close the fridge door.

Bub: *Door slam* "Aaaaahg!"   *Bub comes over to me and pulls my hands towards the kitchen*

Momma: What are you asking me for Bub?

Bub: *signs "Help"*

Momma: What do you want help with Bub?

Bub: *signs "help", pulls me toward the kitchen*

Momma:  No Bub, you have to eat your dinner before you have a popsicle.

Bub: *throwing himself on the floor "Aaaahg!!!!!!!"*
Repeat X5

This conversation happens frequently in my house, just switch "Breakfast" and "Lunch" for "dinner"

Meanwhile, the power company (the one we pay to have our power mysteriously out for hours at a time at least once a week in good weather) stops at our door and asks if we will let them cut down some branches over the power line in our backyard, or if we want to do it ourselves...I answer, "that's really up to my landlord, as we don't OWN the property".  So between Joe and I, we get our landlord on the phone who then grants permission of the general heyday of branch cutting...which turned into an ENTIRE TREE being chopped down in the back yard.

As a plus to the wanton Shade murder (remember-116degrees, I like shade...) Joe thinks there is a piece of wood out there that will make a great bowl if he can find all his tools to turn it.  I think it's a knobbley root piece of wood.  It was too hot for me to really go out and inspect, esp since an enormous chunk of shade is now missing from the backyard... grrr..

so to escape the loud chainsaw tree massacre we loaded the kids up into the car and when to the mall.  Bub was so well behaved.  He made his momma proud.  Z however wanted to run off every chance she got!  Bub was an excellent big brother and kept herding her back to us.  it was really cute.
they had this hurricane stimulator booth for $2 in one of the main areas, Joe thought he and Bub should give it a try.  once the wind started, Bub did his "unhappy ALMOST but not quite scream" and flopopped  out of the booth and insisted that we should put about 30 ft distance between us and the booth.  Momma complied rather than make my poor guy freak out.
He was very interested in the trampoline thingy that needed cables and a harness attached to the jumper.  Momma and Daddy decided he's not quite ready for that yet...at least not until we replace the netting on our trampoline.  Best not give the boy too many ideas that involve him flipping off the trampoline and onto the ground...we already coped w/ a broken arm 2 years ago...   And he still makes a pretend cast out of toilet paper every now and then

finally, dinner, which bub has refused, and I am refusing to allow popsicles.  He still thinks he will win this argument...I know better.  It's nice being a mom.  lol!

Me and Z!

Me and my Bub

making Chainmail w/ daddy

Enjoy the shots!

oops & more on parenting austim

I have woefully neglected my blogging.  sorries.


I'm half heartedly watching "The Proposal" w/ Sandra Bullock and Betty White.  So I'm sitting there on my couch watching this, and we get to the scene where Andrew is having a heart to heart with his dad by the shore. they are "arguing" about Andrew's choice of direction of life, which is not what his father wanted him to do...his father wanted him to continue his legacy.  Even in this short scene it is obvious that this was the father's life dream for his son.  And, being a 20-something post gen-X stereotypical man, Andrew was upset that his father couldn't understand his life choices or maybe that his father didn't want to accept his life choices.

and I immediately realized, I no longer identify with the Andrew character.  This is kind of shocking to me.  I was identifying with the father.  my next thought was something to the effect, "you know, I'm actually really glad I won't ever have that conversation w/ Bub, even if we are blessed enough to ever have that kind of conversation this side of heaven, because I gave up all those kind of dreams for him when I got his diagnosis of autism"

then I started crying.  It's not that I don't have dreams and hopes for him, it's that I realized it's not reality to think I'll ever get him to be a soprano in an all boys choir...or that he'll  be some big professional of his choosing.  or anything that most parents think and wish for their kids.  My dream is just to help him be the best he can be, and that Joe and I have the wisdom AND patience to help him achieve what he wants to achieve.

Bub lost his 3rd tooth- AND I actually found it!  A first for us!

See how weird I am?  I take a normal blah scene from a B-movie and turn it into a metacrisis of identity of myself.  I think bedtime is in order with a dose of benedryl.
nubs

time to kick my own butt

I just finished 4 crappy days of work.  and I'm tired of crappy days of work.  I need to spend the next 4 days (I'm off work)  creating a bubble of happiness around me, so when I go back, stupid people and their comments won't touch me, piss me off, and reflect back to them.  I think I will budget some well deserved time and cash to get a really good haircut, some new cosmetics (cuz I'm almost out of everything)..
**aside thought**
why is it that I always put off stuff for me?  I have no problem getting stuff for Joe and the munchkins, but I rarely will get stuff for me.  Is this a "mom" thing, or is this kinda neurotic?
***end aside thought**

Joe sz he's going to make me sleep all day and night so I can finally beat this cold I've been pushing thru for the past 2 weeks.  I don't really believe he will let me sleep if Bub is having one of "THOSE" days when he gets home from school...or if Zbear decides to be in a mood.

Z was saying "I" a lot yesterday, especially when she was doing stuff, or found something interesting to play with.  We are still focusing on reading several times a day with her and turning the TV off more, but the words are few.  I am hearing "up" a little more frequently, and she still prefers to say "dada" over "momma"  grrrr.

but if she sees me, I'm the one she launches into 9 out of 10 times  lol

and I mean she really launches into me.  she's going to knock me over one of these times.


attack of the tackling Zbear!

Nubs

thanks Joe....

Look what I found on my camera.


Apparently Joe thought it was cute.

sleepy girlies

oh well, if you can't laugh at yourself.....

must have been after I finished a 3 or 4 day rotation...   lol

Happy Birthday to my Dad...

It's my Dad's birthday today.  (and my friend Deejee), tomorrow is my Brother's birthday, and Lisa's (yayee), then Joe's parent's anniversary is Monday.  I have to keep these things in my mind.  I am very bad at remembering to send cards.  I used to be better, but then I didn't have kids, autism, a real household (as opposed to a basic apartment and dog), and everything else that has become my everyday of existence.  To me it's everyday, but I get a lot of wide-eye stares when I end up describing my everyday life to friends....

Anyhow, Dad is 71.  I am in shock that I have parents that old.  Even tho I saw them last month, I really miss them.  I miss how seemingly easy going their lifestyle can be...I don't WANT that lifestyle, (I don't even see how that could ever be possible for us...)  I just miss seeing THEM enjoying it, and enjoying it with them for a few hours.  I really didn't get that this last visit, everything was crisis-point and tense.  and I used all my vacation time I had accumulated to be there when they needed us, so it will be a good while before we will get an opportunity to visit as a family.  boo.

Anyhow, I called and talked to them for a bit this morning, after Joe took himself and the kids to his parents.  He has to help his Dad move some things around.  Plus, the cousins are visiting too, so Bub and Zbear will get some kiddo attention.  Likely- Cousin K will be all over Zber tho.  lol.  That's ok, Bub has his own routine of what he does at Grandma's and sometimes doesn't want the attention of others in his quasi-naughtiness.  He doesn't bring on his FULL naughtiness to Grandma's house, but just enough to keep everyone on their toes.  *grin & nod*

Joe is talking about a new project of "installing" a table-shelf system to keep the PC stuff on since Zber is no longer daunted by the trunk and chair barrier that had been keeping her out the the computer area...Plus  (he always has a plus) it will be an area for Bub to do his Ipad, which has not been purchased yet, and is most likely going to be a birthday present or a christmas present...depending on a couple of factors.

Trunk and couch barrier...now ineffective

going off to modify a cake recipe for the bub.  happy baking to me.

Nubs.

1st day back is over

and it wasn't as traumatic as I feared.  Alyson took that section and I think that's what saved me from being a sob-baby today at work.  Night went well.  All my babies are good.  :)

Now I'm just waiting for the sun to rise all the way so I can take the kiddo's out in the back yard and let them run themselves out so Joe has a good morning.  I'd take them for a walk, but I fear Bub running off on me while I deal w/ a non-compliant walking Zb'er.  Wish I knew where Joe hid the camera.  boo.

Right now the munchkins are snuggled up together on the couch watching "Oso".  I hate this cartoon.  What ever happened to "Blue's Clues".  At least Steve was cute.  and he signed.  I liked that.  :)   But then I am a nerd.  lol

Off to make some breakfast.  Must get Zeebee some protein to aid in project "chub-out my Zbear"

Nubs

displacement

I am guilty of displacement today.  I didn't want to think about the funeral, so I focused on getting Bub to Therapy on time (we didn't, but the 9:30 people no showed and Bub got moved in...prolly cuz we prepay 2 weeks in advance....) and getting Zbear to her 12 month appointment at 15 months....yeah...lets just say we've been having some scheduling issues lately....

Now I find that Zbear is 31.4 inches and only 21.5 lbs.  She's underweight for her age and her length.  I'm very depressed about this.  Her NP wants me to start adding nut butters to her diet.  I'm scared to try what with all my food allergies and sensitivities and Bub's milk allergy.  So I'm taking a deep breath and going to get some almond butter on monday....after I get some sleep.  Also, Joe and I are debating whether to put her BACK on formula or maybe try adding malted to her soymilk.  I'm thinking we're going to go back to formula...I feel terrible.  She eats really well.  I give her lots of variety. WHO would think MY kids would have concerns w/ being UNDERWEIGHT?!?!?  Bub is a stick, and it looks like Z will be too.  Why do they get my recessive genes?  *sigh*

Z has now completed her polio series.  Next series will be Hib I think...Still deciding.

Then after getting the zb'er home and in for a nap, got ready and went to the funeral.  It was very sad.  that's all I'm going to say about it.

So afterward, I displaced my upset-ness by making dinner, then going to a choir practice that I just realized I got the performance dates wrong and will only be able to be in the production by the biggest finagling I can acheive, and then went to the library.  Found a new book on Autism and newer/researched therapies.  I think I may review it ....SEE, I'm doing it again.

then instead of dealing w/ my sadness, I did the dishes, convinced Bub that he had to clean his butt-butt after pooping, (washed my hands....), and cleaned my refrigerator because I forgot/didn't get around to cooking a chicken, and it went REALLY bad, and since I'm going to be doing more displacement here in a min by cooking several meals to feed my little fambly during my next rotation, I didn't want to put yummy food into a fridge that smelt horrible.  You know the movie Labyrinth?  the "bog of eternal stench"?  yeah, that was my fridge.   409 is my friend.  :p  Plus I'm getting laundry done.

But really, I know what I'm doing, and I know what it is.  But knowing what you are doing and why you are doing it doesn't really help you deal with it in the end...it just seems to make the anxiety about it bigger.

I' haven't had that many people that really meant a lot to me die, the few that have were 100s of miles and years distanced, Not someone I spent time with every week.  But I'm not trying to come out as a caloused person that wasn't close to her dead relatives...it's just that I was really young when they died, or that I was never close to them to begin with...the one exception to that was my Tetka, but I hadn't seen her in years, and then when I tired to call to keep in touch with her,  her English vanished, and my ukrainian is pretty much non-existant,  then her hearing went, and when she died, it was like she was already a memory.  (does that sound awful?)
It's kind of scaring me how hard I'm taking this.  And I did realize he was important to me before all this happened, I know I griped about special requests, but I always did them because beneath the bluster and the drunk sailor impressions I knew it meant a lot to him.

I'm getting all morose again...better displace and make some enchiladas (w/o cheese) and meatballs and brisket.

Nubs.

my sad little garden.

it is composed of 2 tomato plants.  there were 3 originally, but one got crushed when I asked Joe to cover them on one of the last frost warning nites...I was at work.

Today Joe & Bub discovered my grape tomatoes had some red ones on it.  I was in shock.  I have done nothing for these troopers.  So in my guilt of neglecting the only plants I actually planted, I got some stakes up and propped up the 2 main branches off the ground.  then I picked the ripe ones...there were about 12, half are gone, I offered one to Bub, but he ran away.

He USED to like tomatoes.  I remember he stopped eating them around 3.5y/o.  I was never able to figure out why.  The only tomato product he will ingest is ketchup.  no spagetti sauce, no tomato sauce on the cabbage rolls, no tomato slices...definately NO salsa.

My poor boy, when he turned 2, we had a birthday party for him at my sister's before we moved down to TX.  somehow, Joe ended up giving him some jalapeno black beans, and the poor kiddo ate a jalapeno.  needless to say he doesn't eat beans either....  but he used to.  *sigh*

My other tomato plant is of the normal sized variety, and has 1 green tomato on it a little bigger than a golf ball.

Boy, am I a farmer in training or what?  lol


Nubs!

sing along with the nerd mom!

one of my nerd habits I've acquired from my mom is making up silly songs for my kid's with their name.

I am truly a super-nerd to admit this to anyone but Joe, but sadly it is true.

Here's Zbear's...sorry I'm not actually using her name...those that know her will figure out where to put it *winks*

(To the tune of Davy Crockett)

Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z,
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!
I love my Z--- yes it's true,
I love my Bubber and my Joe-joe too!
I love my Z--- and it's plain to see,
I love Z-------, and my Zbear loves me!
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!

I know it's blurry...sue me.

(To the tune of We love you Conrade)

I love you -----, oh yes I do!
I love you -----, it's true
When you're not with me, I'm blue!
Oh Bubber I love you!!!!

I like the "bad" shots...

No Joe doesn't have a "song".  if he did, he would be pretty upset w/ me for publishing it.  lol

We did "argue" about the name of the actual song for Z's song...I maintain it's Davy Crockett...Joe seems to think it's the theme song for Bonanza.  (I've never actually watched Bonanza...is that the one w/ the original "Major Adama" and "Pa Ingles" aka Michael Landon?)
after this "tiff" Joe started laughing about the time I told him of how I first met Lisa, but I don't know if she remembers meeting me that night...I was kinda faded in the background (as usual....by choice).  I think THAT was the theme of "Rawhide"  lol!  So we laughed about that and then started remembering vague and obscure things from our personal history since '98.    I feel old now.

I love/envy how my friends Lisa, Shane, Angela, and Kim seem to never go anywhere without making a new friend. (I was one of them...obviously)  (lol)  I'm just too shy.


NUBS!

I made it.

Got thru a crappy 3-day rotation.  feels like it was much longer.  I'm really glad I have a few days off...but it's not enough.  I am really tired and feel bad that I haven't been able to write for the past few days.  All I could make myself do during my off-time this rotation was sleep and stare vacantly at the TV.  Bub tried to get me to play w/ him a couple of times, but I only had the drive to give him a half-hearted attempt at play.  That made me feel REALLY crappy.  He doesn't always seek someone to play WITH him. 

Well, I got his breakfast and Lunch all made for school, got some hugs and kissies and a mini-tickle-time; so he's happy with me, and Zber will be home from Grandma's when I wake up, and I'll get Z smooches (she opens her mouth and rubs it on my cheek, very wet and messy!)  And Joe is being the "good Husband" and not stressing me about anything.  :)  gotta love the "good Husband" mode.  lol

Nite folks,

Nubs!

you give me fever...

Was watching muppet shows lately, and saw Rita Moreno sing "Fever" w/ Animal.  pretty funny, but not so funny here at home.

Zbear is still suffering a fever, so far the pattern is: happy cool baby in the morning, fine all afternoon...come 7pm, temp shoots up past 101.  my poor sweet cheerribub.  She actually just wanted to snuggle on my chest and rest (NOT sleep tho),  she hasn't done that since she weaned herself at 10mo.  (Momma's still a little bitter about her weaning herself so early...)

Momma sang her songs and then watched the arts channel after my voice started breaking...you know, cuz I sing so much nowadays...yeah.    Then my Mom called and the phone ringing startled the bejankers out of her.  So instead of being cute sad hot baby, she quickly turned into grumpy mad hot baby.

It was time for her next dose of APAP, made her a bottle of pedialyte and popped her back into her crib.  I've heard no complaints so I am sure she is fast asleep.  Have my A/C on to 74.  I am FREEZING...but I will pay the slightly higher electricity bill and wear a sweater in May if it keeps my little Zber comfy.

Nubs

drama drama drama

why is it when primarily women work together there is never-ending drama? 

I don't get it.  I really don't.  I firmly believe sometimes you have to suck it up and get the job done.  then when you get home b*** all you want to anyone who will listen....but at work?  in front of everyone?  ALLLLLLLL the time?  really?  that's how you want to play?  really.  alrighty then.


I'm not going to go into details, but once again the mad rumor mill is going on at work....I'm one of the subjects.  I don't especially care.  the rumor is stupid and wholey untrue and trite, so have at it folks.  I'm just going to work by my med cart and laugh at the stupidity of you quietly to myself.  that and shake my head. 

  cuz I do that REAL good.

lol

Tried to find a picture of me lmao, but they are on my broken PC that Joe is attempting to recover for me.  We'll get them soon.  I have all faith in my Joe  :)

Nubs!

I am officially an adult now

We bought an used SUV yesterday.  I wrote the biggest check I've ever written in my life.  I'm still freaking about it.  Thank you Income Tax refund...goodbye Income Tax refund...it was nice to pretend I wasn't a struggling post-student trying to pay off her student loan and all her family's bills....

Here is my (husband's) new ride...

At least it will be big enough for Bub as he is growing like a weed.  My little man is wearing size 7 length, and a size 5 waist.  Do you know how hard that makes it to find anything that fits that I don't have to find time to alter?!?  Do you know how hard it is for me to find time to alter crap?  I have stuff for myself I mean to alter that has been sitting in the "alter and repair" box for the last 5 moves?  I really do suck at times....

Next paycheck's investment:  buy Zbear a new front-facing car seat.  I wanted to just move Bub into a booster and move Z into his old seat, but Bub seems to be overly possessive about it...so I'm thinking it's a no-go.  boo.

Well, now I do not need to be afraid every time I start the Geo that it will die on me and I will be stranded out in the middle of 1844 in the very wee hours of the morning playing roulette with my cell phone on which friend will be least pissed at me for calling and begging to be rescued....now Joe will be able to rescue me!  yayee  :)

Nubs!