Thank you secret valentine & happy birthday Zbear!

Firstly, Thank you secret valentine from Cheeseblarg  for the lovely ring!  Joe & I decided years ago that nicey-niceys like jewelry, flowers, etc... were not as important as funding our Bub's therapies, so I have not gotten any in a long time (well, I have bought watches, but that's for work so I can time pulses and RR and IV pushes....and I get cheap <$10 ones..)  It was a very nice surprise!  But I don't know who you are!  there was no note, so thank you nameless valentine!  you made the day even nicer!  (Thank you Jodee for organizing the fun!)

So yesterday, at 2pm I decided I HAVE to do something for Z's birthday and not be super pathetic like I have been for the last few weeks.  So I called Grandma & my Sister-in-law's family and invited them over for cake/INFORMAL dinner.  at first everyone was coming, but in actuality, only Grandma came, Cousin K and Uncle K have been sick this week, so they decided to stay home...which was TOTALLY fine because I gave them what...a 2.5hr notice?  like I say, I-suck, I just wanted them to know they were welcome.

That said, w/ Bub's food allergies, desserts are always a challenge, and I get tired of making the same "safe" cakes over and over.  a few weeks ago I came across a recipe in one of my magazines for "Turtle-cake bars", it sounded so yummy, but they aren't an option as I have yet to find ANY caramel that is safe for Bub, even home-made (fyi- I am NOT good at making home-made candies...except chocolate dipped pretzels w/ sprinkles....)  But I thought I could do some kind of S'more thing.... 

So I made up a recipe.  I don't do that for desserts.  Main courses, yes.  Desserts, no.  But I did.  I made a s'more cake!  Bub ate 3 pieces.  Joe liked it, and GRANDMA liked it.  (she doesn't usually like most of Bub's safe desserts...she likes stuff w/ lots of butter, condensed milk, and whipped cream/cool whip- all off limits in this house)  so here's what it looked like:

Z loved the balloons Grandma got her...so did Bub.  in fact, Bub loved all the presents she got (although he did get his own presents too) and we had a mini-meltdown after having to break up an "argument" over who got to play with which toy first....but cake seems to cure sulking after melt-down-time-out, so happiness prevailed in the end.

behold the festivities!

Bub trying very hard to be patient

surprise, Joe took this picture....

Rapunzle...just wish I could find one that had her after her hair turned brown to match my Z

Nubs!

Happy Thanksgiving pictures!

the "G" needs a little work....

Broccoli Salad- w/ Bacon!!!  yum!

Momma & Zber!

If I photoshop a tree in the back, we could have our Christmas picture here  :)

This was the 2nd attempt....

She squints when the red light comes on cuz she knows it's about to flash at her...

Just look at that nose!  lol!

Me and my Bub...w/ a mouth full of Dr. Pepper....

Chocolate truffle pie!  Bub devoured his piece.

Phone conversations w/ my Hubby while I'm at work

Me- Hi hon, how are you?
Joe- I'm ok now.
Me- How are the kids?
Joe- we're not talking about that.
Me- Oh sh*t, what did Bub do?
Joe- not talking about it.
Me- you need to tell me what he did.
Joe- Well, he wouldn't listen to anything I would tell him, Zber managed to pull off her pants and diaper in her crib and everything was wet and he kept sneaking in to jump on the bed while I was trying to clean her up-
Me- what?  didn't you put zber in a zip-up jammy?
Joe- no, I just used the dora ones from last night.
Me- but you know she did the same thing last nite...
Joe- I just grabbed it cuz it was there.
Me- ok....so what next.
Joe- I made him take a time-out in his room, and when I came back his pants were off and there was a streak of poo across the whole room.
Me- so he had a defiant poo.
Joe- yep.
Me- I'm sorry babe.
Joe- me too.


Ten years ago, I would have never believed this was my life....now, this is my "normal"

be kind to parents w/ special needs kids.  :)

finally some rain!

it rain today for the first time in what seems like forever.  not anything NEAR enough what we need here in drought-stricken ET, but enough for Lil Miss Z to get her mud puddle on...

 After the muddy fun, we waited for Bub to come home from his 1st day of school.  It was a bigish day for Bub, he has the same teacher he had his 2nd year of school.  Plus he is now in a "life skills" class with kiddos up to 12 y/o.  Bub is no longer the biggest fish in the pond.  lol.  But with the way he's been growing, and how hungry the risperidone is making him...He may be catching up soon.  erk.

Home again home again, jiggity jig.

After he got home, we went out for dinner, I let Bub pick what he wanted to eat.  Lots of jello...and fries, and fish.  a few shrimp. and a cup of ketchup.  what a lucky little boy.

medieval solutions to autism, lol

Yes, Joe and I are sometimes.... weird.
In the past we have experimented with weighted therapy for Bub, w/ fair to middling success.  ie- he likes it for a while then refuses to co-operate.  We've done a weighted vest (I've made 2 of them so far), ankle weights, wrist weights, pressure vests, weighted blankets, and weighted toys.  all initially a success, then the novelty wears off, and he loses interest, and the therapeutic results fade.  Pretty frustrating to me, as I am the one MAKING these things for Bub, and researching where I can buy them...and they aren't cheap, even when you make it yourself.

well, Joe is always lurking around trying to find new hobbies to do while the kids are too small to go back to work (being a stay at home dad and all).  a few weeks back, he remembered a friend that used to make chain-mail (we've been wracking our memories and have concluded this friend was named "Rick"...and that's all we remember from 14 years ago...sorry Rick...we suck).  And as Joe has a passion for all things Renaissance Faire, he decided to try making chain mail.  Bub was immediately interested in what Daddy was doing. Bub really likes the coiled wire before Joe cuts them into the rings that get linked together.  Bub even likes to help join the rings together and make a simple chain.

But what was fanstastic was that Bub started putting the chain mail on his body and began to calm down.  and then fell asleep...in the middle of the afternoon!!!!  Bub does not nap unless he is sick with a fever and vomiting down my shirt sick. A chain mail blanket is soothing to him, and for the past 3 weeks, Bub has been taking his chain mail blanket to bed with him and falling asleep within 10 min of turning his own lights off.  I am speechless every night this happens, and it's been happening every night.

Even during his time-outs, if I put the chain mail on his legs, he will sit still in time-out until I tell him it's over, and won't even fuss.   I am shocked speechless by this  (well, it's just an expression).

close up

sleeping Bub, life is good  :)

I think all the weighted stuff we tried in the past were not heavy enough.  I would only get up to 5-10% of his body weight as all the authorities on the subject would recommend.  I think this chain mail is at least 15-20% of his body weight, and it seems to be working, and continuing to capture his attention beyond the novelity phase.
Joe is making another one, I think it's going to be for school.  we'll see.

Nubs

what I get for trying to be a nice momma

And today:
Bub started today in a good mood.  he let me make pancakes w/o being in my way.  This is a big accomplishment for Bub...as pancakes are a favorite of his.  He refused to eat his peaches tho.  Ha ha on him, Momma snuck bananas in the pancakes.  hee.

Then while Zbear was napping, I decided to make corndogs from scratch for lunch.  This is a big deal for me since I can not find any edible version of corndogs that exclude forbidden ingredients from the stores (milk products mainly)  The few that I did find, I couldn't gag down, Joe barely ate (and he's a corndog lover) and Bub walked away from, and Bub never walks away from any kind of hotdog.
It started well.  Bub was all interested in what I was doing...until I rolled the hotdogs in flour.  Oh, the wailing.  Bub was convinced I was destroying his beloved hotdogs.  normally I'm not phased by this, but I had a vat of hot grease going on the range near the fussing of this little man. 
Momma started to loose her cool, Bub protested by climbing up the cabinets to get corn chips in protest, and promptly was sent to his room to take a time out in his bed.  more wailing and moaning.
Then when I finished making the corndogs and french fries, he peeled the coating off.  !!!!  in his favor I will say he came back 10 min later and did eat the coatings, but by then, after I finished monitoring Zbear's eating of the highly minced corndogs, I felt SICK, and I didn't eat anything.  Joe said it was good, but I felt like hurling.  Took a bath, during which time Bub snuck off to his room and protested the whole affair by pooping on the floor.

yayee us.

After cleanup (Joe did the floor, I did the Bub) I meant to only rest for a half hour, but Joe woke me up just before 7pm.  I slept thru our free babysitting offer and we missed our date night.  I feel really bad for that, plus I still feel sick.

The pharmacy called and said they aren't going to be able to refill Bub's risperidone until tomorrow, and unadvertantly sometime during the adventures in cooking I knocked over the box with his meds and we had a 20 min freakout thinking Bub climbed up the stove and ate himself an overdose of a hefty anti-psychotic.  Thankfully, as I said it was just knocked over, and now I am trying to think of a different safe location to keep his meds.  There is really nowhere in the house I can guarantee Bub won't get into, he is a marvel at engineering feats.  He figured out how to unscrew his door off the hinges when he found Joe's secret stash of screwdrivers.

well, at least he is happily asleep right now, as is Zbear.  I'm hitting up the pepto and hoping to feel better in the morning, so I can be ready for what Bub dishes up for me next.

attempting to pose while wearing his sister's snuggly hat

Nubs

adventures today

So, now that we are entering THE worst month to live in TX, because it is SO stinkin' hot...Joe and I are trying to come up w/ creative and cheap ways of getting the cabin-fever kids out of the house for a while.  today, at 4pm CST it was 116 farenheit.  WTF?!?!?!?

Any way you slice it it has been an eventful day.

It began @6:30 when Zber decided to wake up, by 7:00 she & Bub were eating breakfast, Z decided she wanted to be a big girl and stand up at the table in a big-person chair instead of her high chair. Momma made Big mistake to let her do that....she lost her balance and did a face flop on the floor and busted open her upper lip.  So Momma had to break the 10 am rule of "no popsicles before 10 am" (you know, to get the bleeding mouth to stop bleeding).  and since Z was slurping up a popsi, Bub had to have one too, otherwise non-verbal cries of loud unfairness would puncture my poor ears when all I really want to hear is coffee brewing....

so after that, poor Zbear had a really, REALLY fat upper lip.  like her mouth was just an upper lip.  No, I didn't take pictures of my poor baby's disfigured lip.  (it's normal again already).  Bub was all huggy towards Z today after she finished her crying post-face-flop, but little Miss Z did not want to be hugged on...so there was lots of momma pulling them apart until nap time.

***Side thought***
*have I told you all how much I love nap time?  Have I told you how much I cried when Bub stopped taking his nap everyday?!?  I wish nap time didn't end until age 65...then I would get one too....lol*
***end side thought***

After nap we all had lunch, even Bub decided eating the food I made him was a good idea.  He sometimes thinks eating should only involve sweets and popsicles.  we "argue" about this frequently.  Arguing meaning a conversation like this:

*hears the fridge door open*
Momma: Bub, close the fridge door.

Bub: *Door slam* "Aaaaahg!"   *Bub comes over to me and pulls my hands towards the kitchen*

Momma: What are you asking me for Bub?

Bub: *signs "Help"*

Momma: What do you want help with Bub?

Bub: *signs "help", pulls me toward the kitchen*

Momma:  No Bub, you have to eat your dinner before you have a popsicle.

Bub: *throwing himself on the floor "Aaaahg!!!!!!!"*
Repeat X5

This conversation happens frequently in my house, just switch "Breakfast" and "Lunch" for "dinner"

Meanwhile, the power company (the one we pay to have our power mysteriously out for hours at a time at least once a week in good weather) stops at our door and asks if we will let them cut down some branches over the power line in our backyard, or if we want to do it ourselves...I answer, "that's really up to my landlord, as we don't OWN the property".  So between Joe and I, we get our landlord on the phone who then grants permission of the general heyday of branch cutting...which turned into an ENTIRE TREE being chopped down in the back yard.

As a plus to the wanton Shade murder (remember-116degrees, I like shade...) Joe thinks there is a piece of wood out there that will make a great bowl if he can find all his tools to turn it.  I think it's a knobbley root piece of wood.  It was too hot for me to really go out and inspect, esp since an enormous chunk of shade is now missing from the backyard... grrr..

so to escape the loud chainsaw tree massacre we loaded the kids up into the car and when to the mall.  Bub was so well behaved.  He made his momma proud.  Z however wanted to run off every chance she got!  Bub was an excellent big brother and kept herding her back to us.  it was really cute.
they had this hurricane stimulator booth for $2 in one of the main areas, Joe thought he and Bub should give it a try.  once the wind started, Bub did his "unhappy ALMOST but not quite scream" and flopopped  out of the booth and insisted that we should put about 30 ft distance between us and the booth.  Momma complied rather than make my poor guy freak out.
He was very interested in the trampoline thingy that needed cables and a harness attached to the jumper.  Momma and Daddy decided he's not quite ready for that yet...at least not until we replace the netting on our trampoline.  Best not give the boy too many ideas that involve him flipping off the trampoline and onto the ground...we already coped w/ a broken arm 2 years ago...   And he still makes a pretend cast out of toilet paper every now and then

finally, dinner, which bub has refused, and I am refusing to allow popsicles.  He still thinks he will win this argument...I know better.  It's nice being a mom.  lol!

Me and Z!

Me and my Bub

making Chainmail w/ daddy

Enjoy the shots!

more of the world from Bub, and a monkey salad bowl

Bub has been doing really well on Risperidone.  Tomorrow will be a week on it.  next Thursday I need to call his Doctor and report on how he's doing.  Peeing in the potty has improved...pooping...not so much yet.  He has been VERBALIZING!!!  Grandma caught him on tape saying "Big!" as he built a lego tower that was taller than he was.  -I- heard him say "big" while he was building a plastic easter-egg tower yesterday...and he almost never verbalizes around me...lil stinker...  lol

I met with his school nurse on Tuesday to update her on his new med and side effects to look for (most rare yet possible- neuroleptic malignant syndrome)  she never heard of either the drug or the side effects.  REALLY?  not remember NMS?  I remember VERY well Ms Wyszynski going over that in Med Surg III.  telling us how to "snatch that patient from the grip of death"  as NMS is pretty fatal if you don't identify and address it very quickly.  Bub's Dr and I talked for a great while about how frequent that side effect had manifested in her years of practice (very VERY little).  I told the school nurse that if he shows symptoms of NMS call 911.  She said they don't like doing that w/o calling the parents first.   !!!!???!!???!  call me, I'll call 911 and meet him at the hospital!  Seriously...if you had a kid go into a diabetic coma (likely in a school setting at some point), you would call the parents before you dialed 911?  I have grave concerns about this nurse and her desire to protect her license....

ANYhow,
I was going thru the pictures on my camera and noticed some pictures I didn't take, and aren't in the style or nature of pictures Joe would take..(Joe takes pictures when I hand him the camera and say, "Just take a picture of me and the kids already!!!!!")  And Bub has been understanding the camera, and loves to turn it on while making his "elaborations" to watch the progress on screen, like he's on TV or something.  :)  it's cute.  But I think he actually took some pictures while he was viewing his progress.  I need to buy him a cheap $20 digital camera soon, so he won't keep stealing my pricey one!  lol

I took this picture of his geo-work  by the driveway

Self-portrait taken by Bub...how about them nostrils?  hee!

Rolly-balls!  Bub LOVES his rolly-balls!  Unfortunately, Zbear does too...

More rolly-balls!

And a while back...I posted about Zbear pulling out the Monkey wood salad bowl my parents got us.  I found the shot.  Click HERE for that post.

Monkey girl in monkey bowl!

Nubs to you all!  Good night!

sing along with the nerd mom!

one of my nerd habits I've acquired from my mom is making up silly songs for my kid's with their name.

I am truly a super-nerd to admit this to anyone but Joe, but sadly it is true.

Here's Zbear's...sorry I'm not actually using her name...those that know her will figure out where to put it *winks*

(To the tune of Davy Crockett)

Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z,
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!
I love my Z--- yes it's true,
I love my Bubber and my Joe-joe too!
I love my Z--- and it's plain to see,
I love Z-------, and my Zbear loves me!
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!

I know it's blurry...sue me.

(To the tune of We love you Conrade)

I love you -----, oh yes I do!
I love you -----, it's true
When you're not with me, I'm blue!
Oh Bubber I love you!!!!

I like the "bad" shots...

No Joe doesn't have a "song".  if he did, he would be pretty upset w/ me for publishing it.  lol

We did "argue" about the name of the actual song for Z's song...I maintain it's Davy Crockett...Joe seems to think it's the theme song for Bonanza.  (I've never actually watched Bonanza...is that the one w/ the original "Major Adama" and "Pa Ingles" aka Michael Landon?)
after this "tiff" Joe started laughing about the time I told him of how I first met Lisa, but I don't know if she remembers meeting me that night...I was kinda faded in the background (as usual....by choice).  I think THAT was the theme of "Rawhide"  lol!  So we laughed about that and then started remembering vague and obscure things from our personal history since '98.    I feel old now.

I love/envy how my friends Lisa, Shane, Angela, and Kim seem to never go anywhere without making a new friend. (I was one of them...obviously)  (lol)  I'm just too shy.


NUBS!

stubborn bub

My poor poor kid.  He's got an overdose of stubbornness from both me and Joe...We just spent the last hour convincing him to take his herbal supplement (that is nominally helping- for now).  Then when he decided to take it, he tried to get more than he should.  all or nothing...it's crazy-making.

He seems to be back on to environmental art again.  here is his latest creation

To be honest tho, today was a really bad day.  and I hear the doubters saying "All kids have bad days"

Yeah, all kids have bad days, but not like this.  Not when it's a bad day w/ stims and self-abuses, and obsessions, and rituals.  Sometimes when people tell me "it sounds like pretty typical behavior for a 6 y/o", I want to punch them in the face.  I GREATLY edit what I tell people about the bad days, even the people who know Bub really well, because they either won't believe me and think I'm exaggerating, or they will give me the "f***, this chick is nuts...run away"- look.  yes it is a specific look....I bet you have it on your face right now.

QUICK get a mirror and look so you know what I am talking about.


Convincing your child that he can't bring his pennies to the livingroom b/c they will be ingested by his little baby sister is hard enough when they understand you, add not sure if you are being understood in the mix, then add his irrational obsession to bring them into the livingroom even tho Momma is threatening to take away the said pennies, add to that Momma took them away to protect the baby.

Sometimes, the way he acts when I have to take away his latest ritual-obsession makes me think of an addict that can't get his next fix and is freaking out to find/get what will make the withdrawal pain away.  great, to protect the baby, I'm making my poor boy go thru penny-DTs. 

that actually kinda made me laugh in a defeated kind of way.

and what is really frustrating is that not even an hour before this started he was being SO good.  he wanted to help me cook, so I let him "help" me cut the greenbeans and onions that I was cooking for lunch.  and after a brief refusal of lunch (I gave him his favorites, not what the rest of us ate)  and he did eat his hotdog, applesauce and noodlies, and spent a good 45 min with me writing the alphabet and numbers.  He even copied a smiley face that I drew.  He's NEVER drawn a face that doesn't look like a clown about to have a sucking contest with a vacuum cleaner before.

after we got both of the kiddos to bed, Joe and I just sat outside for awhile, shellshocked.  I keep telling myself it will be better, it has been better, it HAS to get better.  I'm having a hard time believing myself today.

and so it goes

 Now that Bub is better and back in school, Zbear is sick.  I suspect she's finally coming down w/ 5th's too, she's had a fever for the past 2 days...yesterday it was getting high, but Momma knows how to manage a temp.  3 years ago I'd be freaking out and calling the Nurse-line every few hours, needing assurances that I'm doing the right thing, making sure I don't need to make a midnight-madness run to the local ER.  Now?  APAP, tepid bath, pedialyte, jello, popsicles,  A/C on, Baby Einstein droning...  I'm not even phased by this.

I'm waiting for the rash to start.  I suspect the rash will appear once the fever breaks.  my poor poor cheerribubs, I'm sure this is the 1st of many shared illnesses.  at least they share, right?

Nubs

bunk beds!

Here it is!  the bunk beds we BOLTED to the walls and then strapped down the mattresses to the frames to keep Bub from using it as climbing materials to the ceiling. 

Climbing!

So how do I get to the top?

Oh!  that's how!

hey!  the ceiling fan is gone!

Bub's new look-out!

Nubs!

holiday confessions

I have a sad little known fact about me.  I am not a holiday person.  I really don't like going to all the fuss of making holiday dishes, decorations, events because of a day on the calendar.  If I want to make something, I'll make it regardless of the time of year.  However Easter is the exception.  I do enjoy Easter and the prep work.  I don't do the easter bunny, but I do Easter eggs.  small children preclude the use of fake grass.
Typically, if I am doing holiday stuff, it's for someone else I care about to whom it is important.  If I was still single and living on my own...holidays would not be part of my reality. 

the real secret is:  (I'm so terrible)...I really like it that Bub is unaware of most holidays and Zbear is too young to be learned in the art of holiday expectations so I can get out of doing holiday crap (mostly).  bahahaha!  I am so bad.

So w/ the exception of Easter, and Christmas once in a while if I'm especially missing my Mom, I avoid the fuss of holidays and I intend to keep it that way as long as Zbear lets me.   I give it another year if I'm lucky, as Grandma is a BIG holiday person and is usually the one who gives me the proverbial "kick in the pants" to be a good momma and teach her kids holiday traditions by instilling the expectations to my kiddos.  Which is fine, I just like to laugh at myself.  (yes she reads this)  :)  

Thus explains my effort of Babka, and we did do easter eggs with Grandma, but Bub recently discovered that he can see pictures and short videos of himself and Zbear on my camera and has taken to sneaking off with it to do his own private viewing, and hiding of said camera.  Therefore, my camera was hidden by Bub during the egg coloring.  Grandma took pictures but I haven't gotten any yet.  (hint)  *winks*

The coloring was sad.  the dye wouldn't stay on the eggs so they looked all mottled and mangy, Zbear kept trying to drink the dye and eat the egg, shell and all, and ended up pouring orange dye on her purple outfit.

mottled eggs at Easter Dinner on Saturday since I worked on Sunday and had to sleep after church

Teaching Zbear the traditional egg cracking game

Bub only peals and smooshes the eggs, he won't eat them if not scrambled

Zbear in her Easter dress my Mom made her

Why are you snapping my picture momma?

Upright view of the cuteness

Love the thumb-sucking  :)

It was a nice Easter, our church did our Easter cantata in which I was a participant and it went very nicely.  I got home, sugared up the kids and took a nap so Joe had to deal w/ sugar-freak kids  (hahahahahahahah).  Then I went to work (boo) and had a rough night.  unfortunately I can't talk about it...I'm glad HIPPA exists to protect patients, but it sucks that I can't vent about stuff.  It's like I'm a spy...I have vital info that can't be shared...Nurse007.  lol.

Christ is Risen!  He is Risen indeed!

Nubs!