He's not big on eating vegetation....

I have discussed before how much I hate grocerying, unfortunately, it is my job, as I am the only one willing to spend the time infront of the PC reviewing the circulars and adding ecoupons on to our grocery store cards, and going thru the coupons my wonderful Mom sends me every week.  I am also the only one determined enough to shop to a budget.

I typically set our food budget to around $150-200 for a 2 week period.  this is not much really for a family of 4 with food allergies... and this also includes diapers, cleaning products, self care products etc... so sometimes it is VERY hard to stay on this budget, and I let not-as-important-things go, like junk food, or fancy cleaning products and get a $1.00 bottle of bleach instead and/or a safe store-brand of cereal and marshmallows and make "cereal bars" in lieu of said junk food that my family craves and inhales at alarming speeds which is another reason I don't buy junk food very often.

so I really love the holiday season where I can take advantage of sales like $.49/lb full turkey.  I got a 22lb turkey today for $10 and change.  this is the 2nd one I've bought since Nov1.  I'm thawing it out in the fridge and since I have monday off, and it will prolly only be fully thawed by then, I will chop that sucker up, cook different portions in different ways and then refreeze the cooked meat for later meals.  these things make me happy on paper...on monday I will be cursing myself for doing this to myself because the only alternative will be to let the turkey go bad and toss it, which will make me even more mad and further cursing of self will ensue.

anyhow, today was the biweekly shopping trip.  I spent prolly around 2 hours on and off preparing for this trip, I went to 4 different grocery stores (not walmart!!!!!!) according to the receipts I saved a total of $82.13 by taking advantage of store sales and about a dozen coupons (diapers and wipes were included in this trip)...I don't typically use a lot of coupons as I find certain store brands are more likely to be safe for Bub and are still cheaper than the name brand with a coupon.  I was under my budget by about $13!  the only thing I didn't get that I was planning on was some chicken, and that was because the store had sold out of it for the day.    so Yayee to me...the madness I put myself thru pays off, even if I am all pissy while doing it. 

after getting home I have the madness of putting it all away & cutting up the bulk meats into meal-sized portions.  Plus I have decided that while I am working days this month, I will pre-make the next day's dinner so all Joe will have to do is pop it in the oven so I don't have to worry about my kids eating hotdogs and instant potatoes every day I have to work...or ramen....This really does happen.
I have to constantly remind Joe to make sure he feeds the kids either a veggie or a fruit w/ every meal.  He's not big on eating vegetation, so he forgets the kids need it...and I get mad when they don't get vegetation at every meal, and me mad at Joe is a thing Joe likes to avoid...so you would think I wouldn't need to do the constant reminders...but I do.
we have lots of canned and frozen veggies on hand to help Joe remember.  lol.


nite.

happy snoopy dance!

So...  I submitted a *mystery* document on Friday.  I got a call back about it yesterday at 4:57..right while I'm getting report.  Of course I am a good little employee and actually FOLLOW the no cell phones on the floor rule.  (I think I am the only one....including my bosses....) so I don't see that I got the call until I took a quick break around 6:45.  I wasn't expecting a response for another week or two....so Yayee me  lol!

I meant to make cabbage rolls last nite before heading to work, I did the cabbage prep-work before I went to sleep yesterday morning, but I got a case of the lazy when I woke up.  It followed me to work, and since I didn't have any emergencies last night, my case of lazies grew.  This is not a good mood to be in when trying to stay awake until biz hours to make a return phone call.  I'm doing the 1st week of experimental Charge Nurse On-call next week, so fitting this in next week may prove problematic, but I am creative and resourceful....and sleep is only for the lazy..right?  oy.

Yesterday Zber fell asleep on the floor 20min before Bub got home from school.  Bub gets home sees her asleep on the floor...guess what he did...  He picked her up, which woke her up, which made her a crabby crab apple.  she's crying her eyes out, and bub is laughing his head off.  So what am I dealing with here?  Is bub laughing because he thinks it's funny he woke her up and she's crabby (cuz momma had that kind of mean streak in her towards HER little brother when I was a kid) OR is this the "inappropriate laughter" that tends to rear it's ugly head in my little man?  either way, it did not help me kick the lazy before going to work. Thank you once again autism for helping to make clear all life's little mysteries.... *insert eyes rolling*

Other than that, once Zber calmed down, the kiddo's were good, and chilled out with me until I had to leave for work.  Joe reported that Zber fell asleep in the hall in front of our room waiting for Joe to put her to bed a half hour after I left, and Bub did 2 more pages of homework. 

Got this from a friend on FB- wish I could credit it- If it's you...I love this sentiment.  :)

Today I have to tackle much:
- call the callback back
- call the pharmacy for Bub's script renewal
- get Bub to Speech therapy
- gear up for tomorrow's double-death session (both kids see the pediatrician...at the same time)(I'm going to die)
- other things that my poor lazy and sleep deprived head can't remember at the moment but will come crashing into my brain right as I start to nod off giving me a major adrenaline rush and accompanying panic attack.  blah.

Nite/morning folks.  wish me success?  Nubs!

Meltdown: where the hell did that come from Bub?

Bub had -THE- biggest meltdown I have seen in a VERY long time this afternoon. 

I stayed up very late this morning after work, completing a document I had been working on for over a week.  I passed out on the couch watching Joe play "Angry Birds"....I don't get the allure..

When Bub got home from school around 3pm, I was still passed out on the couch...he attacked me w/ a big ol' smooch on the kisser, so he was in a very good mood.  I still didn't get awake until about 430 tho.  I went outside to grab the mail and heard such screaming coming from inside.

*Sometimes I think our neighbors worry about the noises coming from our house....*

I walk in to find Joe pinning Bub to the couch.  Bub's face is beet red and he's screaming his lungs out.  Joe says he had his back turned for a min, and found Bub attempting to hit Zber.  Obviously Bub and Joe are only intensifying eachother's anger, so I grab bub and convince him to hang out in his room with me.  I locked us both in.  Bub didn't like being locked in his room despite my being in there with him.  He tried to hit me, tried to hit and kick the walls and doors, tried to throw himself on the ground, tried to head-butt me.  I just kept stopping him and tried to distract him with his favorite toys, and getting him to copy momma doing deep breathing while signing "calm down" 

when he stopped screaming so loud and gave up on hurting me or himself, we went to the bathroom to get some APAP meltaways and brushed teeth and did the ACT rinse (tactile stimuli really helps, but it has to be "his" idea these days to make it successful).  so now he's smiling and we make funny faces at eachother in the mirror.

When we leave the bathroom, I announce to Bub that we are going to the kitchen to make his all time favorite dinner of chicken nuggets so he wouldn't remember his angriness and attempt to recapture the mood once he and Z came face to face again.  Momma's rouse was successful, I had bub help me make the nuggets.  He's really good at putting them in the microwave and setting the microwave, but he's always impatient and opens it up before they are done ad tries to eat the "raw" nuggets.

Thankfully, there were no more angry episodes before bedtime, and Bub helped me put new sheets on his bed after he tore his off and flung them on the floor during his meltdown.  He seemed to welcome the idea of bed, and he likes how Momma will play into his ritualistic-ness by setting up his blanket layers exactly right including putting the ani-ooh and camera in his bedding.

I think Zber must have tripped on Bub or did something that physically "hurt" him, because he kept trying to bang a specific body part on me and the walls...he usually only does that when he is actually hurting, not when he is just mad.  I have no idea why it escalated to such a high intensity today tho.  But it is Friday, and I've been at work Tues -Thursday nite. I wonder if this is happening at school.  I'm not getting any notes about it if it is tho.

Joe is worried his resperidone needs to be upped.  I have to remind him that Bub's med doesn't stop the anger and aggressiveness...it just tends to tone it down a bit so behavioral modifications have a chance to sink in.  my poor bub.  Autism sure can throw a loop on you very unexpectedly.

*FYI- Zber was not hurt by Bub...we keep a VERY close eye on things like this and protect both our children to the highest extent*

"That's it...no more Christmas cards for you"

I got home from church and wrote a really bitter hurting blog about a passive-aggressive coward I sorta encountered (they were passive-aggressive...so it wasn't a REAL encounter...just a sorta encounter). Then I saved it into my edit posts and didn't publish it because I felt that in doing so I would be a passive-aggressive coward.  I don't want to be that.  I would like to hope that if I have to say something to someone, I would say it to their face and not hide behind my blog hoping they get it.  I would also hope that I am a big enough person that I could let this go without needing to take a trip to my friendly family doctor to see about getting a Rx to a friendly anti-anxiety pill....but the anxiety and anger and pissiness increases 10fold each week I have a sorta encounter with this person.  I haven't made it a real encounter yet because I don't quite trust myself not to say something mean, cruel, ugly and hateful.  So I do what I always do when I feel this way.  I shut the eff up.and I nod and smile.  and my friends ask me why I'm not getting that friendly Rx for an anti-anxiety pill.

after a while I talked to my Dad.  Now my Dad is the OPPOSITE of passive-aggressive. He "brags" about scaring the crap out of a coworker that called him a "damn Russian" back in the 60s   (although he denies it mostly...he's more proud about being Ukrainian than he lets on...)  and fortunately/unfortunately I take after my Dad, especially in temperament and personality. getting his take helped, although I had to explain to my Dad the equivalent  to him of my complaint would be like people who stop sending him Christmas cards one year and never send them again.  He laughed at that.  That I can make my Dad laugh while I'm all pissy and mad did help me cheer a bit.  but then, Dad and I do best when we sally at each other in mock arguments.  lol.  Mom hates that.  we're shouting and yelling at each other and we mean "I love you" and understand it back from the other.  She gets it, but she doesn't like it.  I don't do that with Mom, just Dad.  Don't even do it with Joe.  When me and Dad start, Joe goes and hides in the corner with Mom and drinks tea with her while she plies him with cookies.  Joe's awesome.  So's Mom.

At least I got to spend some time with my mother in law at church this morning.  That was the only good thing I got out of it this week.  :(

adventures today

So, now that we are entering THE worst month to live in TX, because it is SO stinkin' hot...Joe and I are trying to come up w/ creative and cheap ways of getting the cabin-fever kids out of the house for a while.  today, at 4pm CST it was 116 farenheit.  WTF?!?!?!?

Any way you slice it it has been an eventful day.

It began @6:30 when Zber decided to wake up, by 7:00 she & Bub were eating breakfast, Z decided she wanted to be a big girl and stand up at the table in a big-person chair instead of her high chair. Momma made Big mistake to let her do that....she lost her balance and did a face flop on the floor and busted open her upper lip.  So Momma had to break the 10 am rule of "no popsicles before 10 am" (you know, to get the bleeding mouth to stop bleeding).  and since Z was slurping up a popsi, Bub had to have one too, otherwise non-verbal cries of loud unfairness would puncture my poor ears when all I really want to hear is coffee brewing....

so after that, poor Zbear had a really, REALLY fat upper lip.  like her mouth was just an upper lip.  No, I didn't take pictures of my poor baby's disfigured lip.  (it's normal again already).  Bub was all huggy towards Z today after she finished her crying post-face-flop, but little Miss Z did not want to be hugged on...so there was lots of momma pulling them apart until nap time.

***Side thought***
*have I told you all how much I love nap time?  Have I told you how much I cried when Bub stopped taking his nap everyday?!?  I wish nap time didn't end until age 65...then I would get one too....lol*
***end side thought***

After nap we all had lunch, even Bub decided eating the food I made him was a good idea.  He sometimes thinks eating should only involve sweets and popsicles.  we "argue" about this frequently.  Arguing meaning a conversation like this:

*hears the fridge door open*
Momma: Bub, close the fridge door.

Bub: *Door slam* "Aaaaahg!"   *Bub comes over to me and pulls my hands towards the kitchen*

Momma: What are you asking me for Bub?

Bub: *signs "Help"*

Momma: What do you want help with Bub?

Bub: *signs "help", pulls me toward the kitchen*

Momma:  No Bub, you have to eat your dinner before you have a popsicle.

Bub: *throwing himself on the floor "Aaaahg!!!!!!!"*
Repeat X5

This conversation happens frequently in my house, just switch "Breakfast" and "Lunch" for "dinner"

Meanwhile, the power company (the one we pay to have our power mysteriously out for hours at a time at least once a week in good weather) stops at our door and asks if we will let them cut down some branches over the power line in our backyard, or if we want to do it ourselves...I answer, "that's really up to my landlord, as we don't OWN the property".  So between Joe and I, we get our landlord on the phone who then grants permission of the general heyday of branch cutting...which turned into an ENTIRE TREE being chopped down in the back yard.

As a plus to the wanton Shade murder (remember-116degrees, I like shade...) Joe thinks there is a piece of wood out there that will make a great bowl if he can find all his tools to turn it.  I think it's a knobbley root piece of wood.  It was too hot for me to really go out and inspect, esp since an enormous chunk of shade is now missing from the backyard... grrr..

so to escape the loud chainsaw tree massacre we loaded the kids up into the car and when to the mall.  Bub was so well behaved.  He made his momma proud.  Z however wanted to run off every chance she got!  Bub was an excellent big brother and kept herding her back to us.  it was really cute.
they had this hurricane stimulator booth for $2 in one of the main areas, Joe thought he and Bub should give it a try.  once the wind started, Bub did his "unhappy ALMOST but not quite scream" and flopopped  out of the booth and insisted that we should put about 30 ft distance between us and the booth.  Momma complied rather than make my poor guy freak out.
He was very interested in the trampoline thingy that needed cables and a harness attached to the jumper.  Momma and Daddy decided he's not quite ready for that yet...at least not until we replace the netting on our trampoline.  Best not give the boy too many ideas that involve him flipping off the trampoline and onto the ground...we already coped w/ a broken arm 2 years ago...   And he still makes a pretend cast out of toilet paper every now and then

finally, dinner, which bub has refused, and I am refusing to allow popsicles.  He still thinks he will win this argument...I know better.  It's nice being a mom.  lol!

Me and Z!

Me and my Bub

making Chainmail w/ daddy

Enjoy the shots!

....

I may multiple post today.  I'm killing time waiting to leave for Z's rescheduled x2 Dr. appt.  I forgot where we are on my vaccine schedule.  I think we have one more polio to do, then I think we'll start HIB.  maybe.  I'm sure I'll get the required vaccine lecture....yayee for the CDC.

Today is also the funeral, part of me wants to skip it, but I know I'll just hate myself if I do that.  then after that I have to get serious about cleaning my kitchen, cooking at least 3 or 4 dinners for Joe and the kids during my next rotation, and make sure I have clean scrubs.  clean scrubs are -kinda- important....

at least I can wear my jeans tomorrow.  yayee for casual Fridays.  would rather have, "stay home & we'll pay you for no reason Friday".  but that's not going to happen.

Nubs

stubborn bub

My poor poor kid.  He's got an overdose of stubbornness from both me and Joe...We just spent the last hour convincing him to take his herbal supplement (that is nominally helping- for now).  Then when he decided to take it, he tried to get more than he should.  all or nothing...it's crazy-making.

He seems to be back on to environmental art again.  here is his latest creation

To be honest tho, today was a really bad day.  and I hear the doubters saying "All kids have bad days"

Yeah, all kids have bad days, but not like this.  Not when it's a bad day w/ stims and self-abuses, and obsessions, and rituals.  Sometimes when people tell me "it sounds like pretty typical behavior for a 6 y/o", I want to punch them in the face.  I GREATLY edit what I tell people about the bad days, even the people who know Bub really well, because they either won't believe me and think I'm exaggerating, or they will give me the "f***, this chick is nuts...run away"- look.  yes it is a specific look....I bet you have it on your face right now.

QUICK get a mirror and look so you know what I am talking about.


Convincing your child that he can't bring his pennies to the livingroom b/c they will be ingested by his little baby sister is hard enough when they understand you, add not sure if you are being understood in the mix, then add his irrational obsession to bring them into the livingroom even tho Momma is threatening to take away the said pennies, add to that Momma took them away to protect the baby.

Sometimes, the way he acts when I have to take away his latest ritual-obsession makes me think of an addict that can't get his next fix and is freaking out to find/get what will make the withdrawal pain away.  great, to protect the baby, I'm making my poor boy go thru penny-DTs. 

that actually kinda made me laugh in a defeated kind of way.

and what is really frustrating is that not even an hour before this started he was being SO good.  he wanted to help me cook, so I let him "help" me cut the greenbeans and onions that I was cooking for lunch.  and after a brief refusal of lunch (I gave him his favorites, not what the rest of us ate)  and he did eat his hotdog, applesauce and noodlies, and spent a good 45 min with me writing the alphabet and numbers.  He even copied a smiley face that I drew.  He's NEVER drawn a face that doesn't look like a clown about to have a sucking contest with a vacuum cleaner before.

after we got both of the kiddos to bed, Joe and I just sat outside for awhile, shellshocked.  I keep telling myself it will be better, it has been better, it HAS to get better.  I'm having a hard time believing myself today.

I'm home and WTH?

I'm home again, after a 2 day drive in which we stopped in Camden MO, where little Z decided sleep is not an option when you have a hotel room to explore and a TV within reach that is easily turned on and off by a little popitscha.   so momma only got 3.5 hrs of sleep.  yayee me.  shoulda just kept driving.

I am thankful that the situation in MN is much more stable now, and everyone is on the path of recovery and health.  There are enough support systems in place now that I don't think this kind of crisis will blow up again anytime soon.  Hopefully sanity and clear-headedness will prevail.

But as a side, I popped up my stats, do you know what post has been most viewed while I was gone?!?   this one: random microbiology comment

It is such a stupid and short post, but I'm getting random viewers from Russia, Iran, Cambodia, etc..  I don't get it.  I put a comment up on it to see if people will comment where they are from when they view it..I am kinda curious why they are even googling it.  the strangeness of people other than me mystifies me.

gonna go, Bub needs to be monitored during his 5 min time out for climbing up the bookcase.
*sigh*

Nubs.

I made it.

Got thru a crappy 3-day rotation.  feels like it was much longer.  I'm really glad I have a few days off...but it's not enough.  I am really tired and feel bad that I haven't been able to write for the past few days.  All I could make myself do during my off-time this rotation was sleep and stare vacantly at the TV.  Bub tried to get me to play w/ him a couple of times, but I only had the drive to give him a half-hearted attempt at play.  That made me feel REALLY crappy.  He doesn't always seek someone to play WITH him. 

Well, I got his breakfast and Lunch all made for school, got some hugs and kissies and a mini-tickle-time; so he's happy with me, and Zber will be home from Grandma's when I wake up, and I'll get Z smooches (she opens her mouth and rubs it on my cheek, very wet and messy!)  And Joe is being the "good Husband" and not stressing me about anything.  :)  gotta love the "good Husband" mode.  lol

Nite folks,

Nubs!

you give me fever...

Was watching muppet shows lately, and saw Rita Moreno sing "Fever" w/ Animal.  pretty funny, but not so funny here at home.

Zbear is still suffering a fever, so far the pattern is: happy cool baby in the morning, fine all afternoon...come 7pm, temp shoots up past 101.  my poor sweet cheerribub.  She actually just wanted to snuggle on my chest and rest (NOT sleep tho),  she hasn't done that since she weaned herself at 10mo.  (Momma's still a little bitter about her weaning herself so early...)

Momma sang her songs and then watched the arts channel after my voice started breaking...you know, cuz I sing so much nowadays...yeah.    Then my Mom called and the phone ringing startled the bejankers out of her.  So instead of being cute sad hot baby, she quickly turned into grumpy mad hot baby.

It was time for her next dose of APAP, made her a bottle of pedialyte and popped her back into her crib.  I've heard no complaints so I am sure she is fast asleep.  Have my A/C on to 74.  I am FREEZING...but I will pay the slightly higher electricity bill and wear a sweater in May if it keeps my little Zber comfy.

Nubs

and so it goes

 Now that Bub is better and back in school, Zbear is sick.  I suspect she's finally coming down w/ 5th's too, she's had a fever for the past 2 days...yesterday it was getting high, but Momma knows how to manage a temp.  3 years ago I'd be freaking out and calling the Nurse-line every few hours, needing assurances that I'm doing the right thing, making sure I don't need to make a midnight-madness run to the local ER.  Now?  APAP, tepid bath, pedialyte, jello, popsicles,  A/C on, Baby Einstein droning...  I'm not even phased by this.

I'm waiting for the rash to start.  I suspect the rash will appear once the fever breaks.  my poor poor cheerribubs, I'm sure this is the 1st of many shared illnesses.  at least they share, right?

Nubs

so tired

This won't be long, and I prolly won't link it.  Just woke up, called my Mom for an update on the MNcrisis.  things are stable for now.  Mom has a bunch of her Hmong Ministry friends over helping so she can rest a little for the first time since this all started.  Those women are incredible.  I love that cultural mind-set and miss being near it.

Anywho, I work tonight, I'm really tired even tho I got a good 7 or 8 hours sleep.  But before I can go to work, I have to pay some bills.  blah.  Why can't bills just magically disappear or at least take care of themselves.

Nubs.

"poop incidents"

Just to clarify for anyone who may not be completely familiar w/ my personal lexicon, a "poop incident" is when Bub either poops in his diaper, takes the diaper off & some of it falls out on the floor, his hands, the wall, etc... OR (even better) Bub realizes he's about to poop, but even tho he's now clicked onto to the sensation, he hasn't clicked to realizing he needs to get his butt on the toilet pronto, so he takes the diaper off and poos on the floor....but it HAS clicked w/ him that pooping on the floor is not appreciated by Momma and Dad, so he then attempts to hide it under toys, books, clothes, basically anything loose in his room.

Now keep in mind, Mr. Man ONLY does this in HIS room, typically only at nite during his cool-down before bed or after lights out. Joe and I are out of our minds trying to figure out how to help him get thru this and move on to using the potty. Intellectually, we KNOW he really can't help it, he hasn't processed thru this yet..but at 2am waking up to a poop incident, it's sooo hard to be patient. SO hard.

It's been spring break this week, PLUS the time change so Bub is all messed up in his routines and we've been dealing w/ this multiple times this week. and I've been working since Wed, so Joe's been having to deal w/ this by himself mostly. At least when we're both home, One of us can haul Bub to the tub and clean him up while the other does poop cleanup detail, but it's hard to do both by yourself. Even tho Bub is safe and capable of taking a bath by himself, if he's not checked on every few minutes, you can walk into the bathroom and find the entire contents of the tub on the floor and a nekid mr. man sitting *in* the sink squishing the hand-soap into unusable goo...or all your toothpaste has turned into a hat, or now you only have 1 contact left out of the pair you had...or Bub has decided to go bald again because Daddy forgot to lock up his electric beard trimmer....the list is endless, just like Bub's natural talent to cause mischief. sigh.

but at least today, he got into writing letters and numbers. I started writing out 1-20 and he kept signing more, so we went all the way up to 50. I was trying to show him that the tens are just like when you count 1-10, it's the same pattern, but you just add more digits. I have no idea how much of that clicked to him, but after we were done, every time he went back into the kitchen he stopped and looked at the numbers, pointed to each of them, in order and was smiling...so something trickled in, I just don't know how much.

And then, Zb decided to wiggle into the cupboards w/ the pots and get stuck...much rejoicing was heard after Momma helped her wiggle her chubby-bubby self out. lol. Bub thought it was hilarious and laughed his butt off.

anyhow, I'm going to sleep now, a 4 hr nap after a 19 hr day does not really cut it for me.
Nubs!