anxiety attack

I have my "Mystery meeting" tomorrow.   Out of no where around 1pm today, I had a minor panic attack.  I haven't had a panic attack since before Bub was born.  The last one was when I was in EC, and my  Idiot  boss was railing on me for something...I don't even remember what it was about... and I just started hyperventilating and crying hysterically at the same time.  not fun.  I'm surprised he didn't call 911 with what a mess I must have been.
Today was nothing so dramatic.  Just some heart palpations that would best be described as "lurches" and a slight increase to my resp. rate accompanied by the typical thoughts you get when facing these kinds of meetings. I'll be fine.  I already gave myself the Stuart Smalley peptalk in front of my mirror today and Joe has been wonderfully kind, agreeing with me to screw going grocery shopping today, and then not laughing at me when I decided to go 30 min later.  But that's really me in a nutshell, yeah?  I talk all blustery and rebellious, and then cave in and do the right thing after I'm left alone and calm down a bit. 

Shopping sucked as it always did.  I had to buy specialty items that I normally don't because they last so long.  For example: Ground Cardamom was effin $10 for a flipping McCormick spice bottle size.  WHAT?!?  It's not like I'm buying lark-tongues or saffron.  Diapers were upmarked this week, and that bummed me out, so I'm going to have to shop around to get Zber's butt-covers at a decent price. THANK YOU LORD that Bub no longer wears pull-ups and uses the toilet to pee into.  Now...if we could just do something about the frequency of poo getting into the toilet instead of the floor, I would be ever so happy....


Nubs.

it's bad when both of us are sleep deprived...

So yesterday, Joe couldn't get Zbear to take her nap until after 2pm...and he chose not to wake her up after I left for work...so she woke up at midnight...spent the rest of the night keeping Daddy awake and crabby, and waited for me to get home (late...thanks Nurse who relieved me....) *insert sarcasm*.

She was all excited for her ba-ba...She even said "Ba-ba!" then ran to the door of our room, waiting for her glorious bottle of soy-formula goodness.  Well, it's 45 min later, she is not asleep yet.  I think I need to get the book "Go the F*ck To Sleep".  I mentioned it to Joe, he has not heard of it yet.  ?!?!?  But he thought it was funny.

Meanwhile, just minuets before I got home, Bub had a coprogenic moment...and I walked in to short-patient daddy cleaning poo off the floor.  What a great way to start Friday...  Bub's in the tub cleaning up.  a short litany of unmentionable oaths streaming from near the floor of Bub's room, and a screamy baby attacking my knee regions.


Oddly, this makes me think of something my wise friend Jon Carlson said to me once when I was 17, and I didn't believe him then...But I TOTALLY get it now...
He said marriages don't last based on love. Commitment makes it last.  At the time, in my HS angst, I thought he was a heartless bastard, and way too jaded being only 19. However...Love does not make it thru poop filled floors, and diapers for 6 years (not fun), and occasional puddles of urine decorating our child's floor, not to mention the infrequent poop murals on the wall.  If all we had was love, we'd be one the the statistic of divorced parents of special needs kids.  Thankfully we have love and commitment.   I used to tell Joe "tough, you're stuck with me" long before Bub came along...I'm glad Joe agrees that I'm stuck with him too.

I love my honey, even when he's washed his hands 3 times and tells me they still smell like poo.

Nubs.

could be

Could be using the time to blow off some steam

Could be using this time to rant about the crappy people in my life

Could be using this time to vent about the stupidity and laziness I encounter every time I clock in

But I'd rather let it go, and be w/ my kiddos....and start working on a resume.

I made it.

Got thru a crappy 3-day rotation.  feels like it was much longer.  I'm really glad I have a few days off...but it's not enough.  I am really tired and feel bad that I haven't been able to write for the past few days.  All I could make myself do during my off-time this rotation was sleep and stare vacantly at the TV.  Bub tried to get me to play w/ him a couple of times, but I only had the drive to give him a half-hearted attempt at play.  That made me feel REALLY crappy.  He doesn't always seek someone to play WITH him. 

Well, I got his breakfast and Lunch all made for school, got some hugs and kissies and a mini-tickle-time; so he's happy with me, and Zber will be home from Grandma's when I wake up, and I'll get Z smooches (she opens her mouth and rubs it on my cheek, very wet and messy!)  And Joe is being the "good Husband" and not stressing me about anything.  :)  gotta love the "good Husband" mode.  lol

Nite folks,

Nubs!

1...2...3...NOT IT!

At my facility, on my wing, we have a few undisclosed number of call lights for the few undisclosed number of patients who are able to USE a call light and UNDERSTAND what they are doing.  (Not many Long -Term care facilities can boast of this WONDEROUS perk)  (lol).

So, It's really funny at night, because there are 3 Nurses, 4 CNAs (if everybody shows up), and 1 RT.  The minute a call light goes off, you can see all of us WHIP our heads towards the variously assigned undisclosed number of call lights...and tho you don't hear it...we are all screaming "NOT IT!" when it isn't our call light.

We're like prairie dogs popping our heads up to find out if we need to start freaking out if an eagle is comin' to get us.  Bwahahahah!

Of course, the Nurse/CNA who's section has the call-light going off soon has dejected shoulders and a quote of "REALLY?!?" because chances are, she/he just left the room less than 20 minutes ago.  (and yes there are days I participate in this ritual too.)

But to be fair, there are days the call-lights aren't going off in tandem, and the undisclosed number of patients with a call-light are being very nice and let us do our jobs in peace.  I love all my little patient "babies" (even the big ones), but sometimes these things make me laugh...after I'm finished being frustrated/mad because it's making it that much harder to finish all my work the the 12 hours I have...which isn't that much really between the med passes, treatments, paperwork, parent calls, calling for orders, verifying orders that seem jacked-up, pharmacy orders, lab reviews, restocking my cart/med room cause the last shift didn't stock as well as I would like them to have stocked, blah blah...see what I mean?

Nubs!

ridiculous people

I get soooo exasperated w/ people who are ridiculous! Today I had someone tell me I make them nervous bc I'm always watching what they're doing... Hello!!! I kinda HAVE to have a general idea of what is being done to my pts, I kinda have a legal requirement to be responsible for anything/everything that is done or not done to them....and I (that's ME, not you) hold the blame *ie: legal consequences* if anything bad happens (even if someone else does it) ...I (that's ME again, not you) am the one who would have to answer the why and how comes of any negative outcomes.

But keep in mind, I am not SPYING on anyone, I am not compiling a master-list of anyone's mistakes in the evil plan of making anyone look bad.

(begin sarcastic rant)
YES....*insert maniacal evil-scientist voice here* I am the mastermind of retribution !!! I will nit-pick everything YOU DO...HAHAHAHAHA
(end sarcastic rant)

whatever. Really, how I look at this ridiculous tirade is ... if you are SO worried about me watching you, WHY are you worried if you are doing your job the way you should?

Good golly, some people just try to suck the joy out of any room they enter...

Don't know why, but all of this reminds me of one of my favorite all time quotes...it's from Priscilla Queen of the Desert,
"Why don't you light your tampon-string on fire? It's the biggest bang you're ever going to get."

Bahahahahahahaha.....man that makes me giggle. : )

Nubs to all. even to this person who I apparently make so uncomfortable.... :)