not-cation

sorry, I've been kinda down, and kinda tired, and kinda overworked (by choice).  kinda had Bub throwing toys at me.  Kinda had family stuff to do.  Kinda felt like my life is being sucked out.

Joe's in the same "kinda" mode...only he doesn't leave the house to be overworked, he's overworked IN the house and leaves the house to relax.  I try to not leave the house if I don't have to work.

I've been really bummed out.  pretty much have been operating on: work, pass out, spend an hour with the kids while I try to wake up, work, rinse-repeat.

Yesterday Joe convinced me I need to leave the house, and the kids were bouncing off the walls *really*  so we got chinese buffet, Bub picked nuggets, shrimpies, fries, and an egg roll.  and grapes.  and jello.  Zbug was stealing Bub's jello.  Zbug wouldn't eat her ice cream.  Zbug only ate the jello and some grapes (also stolen from Bub).  I think Bub's shrimpies had milk in the coating bc Bub started the "inappropriate laughter" routine while we stopped in at payless to get Joe some tennis shoes and Zbug a new pair of  "Pretty" shoes, and the only pair that currently fits is her tennis shoes that light up.  while she greatly enjoys her flashy shoes, it doesn't really go well with her Sunday dresses.  so after sizing her (I worked shoes in HS, so I do this myself since sales-people and my offspring do not mix well)  I found several "pretty" and pink-colored shoes and laid them out for Z to examine.  she was torn between a pair of Disney(c) sandals that lit up.....some glitter shoes and then the new shoes that she picked......

Rejected by Zber

Rejected glitters

Dorothy Gale shoes rejected *sniff*

Her brand new "PRETTY!!!" shoes.

Crap. I just noticed, Why are all the model shoes size 7????

So the feeling I get about my youngest is that she likes pretty girly stuff, but it better be functional, tough, and easy to put on.

Bub got nothing except mommy drag-pulling-carrying him out of the store as he tried to put shoelaces up his nose while laughing   Joe and Zbug completed the purchase.  we got home, and both kiddos were put to bed.  Zbug slept in her new shoes despite my repeated attempts to sneak in and remove them.  Joe thinks this is funny as he accuses me of being a "shoe-girl".

I was a "shoe-girl" once, but I have like 4 pairs now...(excepting my work shoes) and they are all over 4 years old....one pair is around 15years old since it predates Joe.  Maybe I am a shoe-girl since I still own them.......but they are really cool....

Despite the lack of new shoes for Bub yesterday,  my son was HUGELY happy with the set of Hanes(c) Boxer-briefs I bought him this morning.  so happy that he pee'd on the floor enough times to be able to wear each pair today, thus modeling each color and "breaking them in" simultaneously.



yayee me.



Joe is currently out at the health club working off some steam, which will be followed by a round of beer at the local wetting hole with some buddies.  all that male-bonding stuff or something since there are no coffee-houses here with random jazz/poetry sessions for him to attend....(that gen-x stuff....)

I however will find my trusty benedryl and snuggle up with that.  In rock-paper-scissors, benedryl beats coffee.  I have yet to find anyone to argue otherwise.

nub

texas roadhouse

I kinda hate that I love a chain restaurant so much.   One thing I liked to take pride in was that Joe and I would search out little hole in the wall restaurants and out of the way places to find gems that were independently owned and spend our hard-earned monies on someone else who was earning it the hard way as well.

We have found a few really good independent restaurants here in smaller town TX, but I have to admit that I really really love texas roadhouse.

This is the story of my shame:

In my 1st year of nursing school, one of my very close friends got nominated/was self-nominated (I forget details) to chair our SNA fundraiser for March-of-Dimes.  This is a VERY dear cause for her and she did an AWESOME job getting it organized.  Being her friend and the secretary for the SNA, I was at the walk, with Bub,who was freaking out that there were so many people around him.
(sometimes autism rears it's ugly and fearful head no matter how you try to prepare for it)  Well, there was a small group of vendors moving thru the crowd, I think the roadhouse folks found me and Bub hiding near a tree while Bub was having an episode of inappropriate giggles with punching of the tree going on while I was trying to apply pressure to calm him.

I remember they asked if I needed help, No...I do this everyday (stress brings out my bad sarcasm...), then they tried to get Bub to give them a high five, which he did. then they offered me a free kids meal medallion, at first I refused it explaining that Bub was on a very special and limited diet and we really weren't able to take him to most restaurants because of his issues with Gluten and Casein.  they said they were able to make some thing from scratch if asked, and gave me a 2nd medallion.  I smiled my polite smile while thinking "dream on dude".  I threw the medallions in my silverware drawer.  they stayed there for over 2 years.

last October 31st Joe and I were trying to figure out what we could do cuz we don't do halloween.  (FYI- I do celebrate holidays...I just don't like halloween at all)  we were kinda broke (as always) and I remembered the free meal medallions.  By this time Bub is more able to handle gluten although his milk allergy is worse, I called the manager and talked about options for Bub and found out there were quite a lot as most people don't really want a lot of milk on their steaks.  (lol)  so we went, they let us reuse our medallions over and over, it's like there is no limit on them!!!  I love that we can eat there for under $30, and that $30 includes a VERY generous tip to the server that has to deal with Zbug's famous "tossing of the fries" and Bub's occasional screams when he messes up his Ipad.  Joe loves meat so he is happy.  the only catch for me is that we don't go on weekends.  Bub has a hard time when it is crowded, so we're typically there when they open at 4:30, usually on Mondays.  :)

She sleeps all nite now

If I haven't mentioned it yet (I get this and my FB postings confused sometimes), Joe and I converted our overlarge walkin closet into Zbear's new room.  It is awesome.  She doesn't wake up around 3-4am anymore because either Joe or I snorked loudly in our sleep (to be honest...it's prolly ME that wakes her up...I am a wrecking ball when I sleep....Joe occasionally has to run away to the couch cuz I'm all over the place....)

Well, she just loves her new room, she likes to play in there by herself...Bub keeps trying to sneak into her room and steal the toys we have decided to make exclusively for Zbear.  Bub has toys he WILL NOT SHARE.  EVER.  TOUCH ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE HIT.  yeah.  yayee autism OCD rituals based on toys.  Joe and I want to be equitable w/ our kids.  We will never be fair.  It will always be impossible to be fair when their needs and levels of expectations will always be SO incredibly different. (I will not kid myself about the differences in my kids...not gonna do it...)  So to be equitable, we have decided Z will have 2 or 3 toys that stay in her room, and that Bub can't play with unless she brings it out of her room for him to play with.


Now this resolve is kinda hard, because Bub and Z are starting to enjoy the same kinds of toys, but in different ways.  Bub still really enjoys toys appropriate for 18+ months, but then he also enjoys toys appropriate for his our age group (7 y/o), but he still has some toys from when he was 2 y/o that he will not let go...they are too important to him, the elaborations he sets up with them are too ingrained into his self-ness, I have replaced these toys several times w/ exact replicas as they got loved-on too hard (or covered in poo...sometimes cleaning is not a viable option.....)  So he's grabbing her age appropriate toys and doing his elaboration thing with them, Z is not getting what he is doing and does her deconstructionist act on his elaboration which then ends in multiple kids crying, small toddlers being picked up haphazardly and bounced on the couch, and a 7 y/o banging some portion of his body against the wall.   We like to avoid these activities when possible....  So we pretty much keep special toys in the appropriate rooms and have only generic non-attachment formed toys out in the living room and attempt to keep the siblings out of the other's room.  Not an easy task.  Sometimes Bub wants Z in his room, but then he changes him mind abruptly and she gets upset when he's pushing her out.

we stay busy while they are awake....can you tell?  But so far the new room for Z is working out splendidly.  We have a child-free bedroom once more and are pretty happy about it.

Happy December!  Nubs

So, Joe tells me the kids drove him crazy today while I was at work.  I believe him.  They are both still awake and protesting bedtime.  Z goes to bed at 6:30 normally, Bub is in bed by 7pm.  it is 8:30 right now.  I just changed Z's wet diaper and rocked and sang to her.  She wouldn't settle down, and kept trying to play peekaboo, and pulling off my glasses.  Momma said, "no ma'am"  and put her back in bed. I also fed them before I put them to bed, as Joe didn't realize the pork chops I prepared (uncooked) was intended for him to pop in the oven to cook to feed the family for dinner.

This working days is not working well for me. My kids get hyper when they finally get to see me, right before the go to bed.  hyper and bedtime are not a good mix.

Bub started crying when he heard me get home.  I have no idea why.  then after lots of hugs and kisses, he got hyper that I was home.  after eating he got even more hyper.  he started settling down after we did his bedtime routine, but he is still up.  I hear him playing w/ his "Leapfrog refrigerator DJ" toy (previously referred to as "anni-oo" d/t song #3 on the alphabet 'channel'). He hums along w/ the songs.  his favorites are '20 little leapfrogs', 'Birdie bye bye', and 'the Uppercase letter song'.  He used to love 'Anni-oo' and drew pictures of the little guy dancing the "anni-oo" until momma started singing the song all the time and getting him to do the 'Anni-oo' dance with me.  Now when I ask him to play "anni-oo" he giggles and plays every OTHER song on this thing. 

anyhow.  long day.  I have 1 day off and then 2 more on.  I hope 1 day with momma is enough for the kids to be ok w/ no momma for 2. 

Nite & Nubs.

Bub did it for two days in a row

That's right.  My Bub has pooped in the potty 2 days in a row.  I am speechless.  he did it on his own.  no prompting from either Joe or I.  Both times it was during his pre-bed-time bath.  I guess he's finally connecting the urge to go with the actual action of pooping.  I am so excited about this.

When we were first going thru adjusting to Bub's diagnosis of autism, there actually was a support group in the area (it's non-existent now)  there were parents and grandparents there that had older kids/young adults with varying levels of ability.  Most of them tried to reassure me that potty training *probably* would happen since Bub has a fairly high level of functioning, and that pretty much it would be around 7 y/o.

At the time, Bub was barely 3, and my heart was falling...4 more years of diapers...if I'm LUCKY??!?!!??!!!!

sometimes, what is said to bring hope will crush the soul of the recipient.  Yeah, that was pretty soul crushing.

but it seems that they were pretty dead on.  I wonder why 7 seems to be the magic number that people told me to expect positive changes.  I have had several people tell me that.  it's odd, and getting harder and harder to dismiss.  Today in addition to the previously mentioned accomplishment, I walked into his room and found him writing his alphabet on a dry-erase board with a washable marker. (the door was closed so no Z-marker incident)  He gets to S on his own now (usually), after "s" he does a row of "H" (all capitals, no lowercase "h") then resumes the alphabet at "U". (I think this is a type of 'elaboration')  He's getting much better with remembering "M"s point down, and "W"s point up.  He's not mixing them up as often anymore.  He is still having some hard times distinguishing between "S" and "5" tho...but then my "5" look like "S" half the time, so peh.

As for my Zber, she is beginning potty training too.  She now knows to pee when we sit her on the potty.  And she is ALL over putting TP in the potty and pulling the flush.  She loves flushing the toilet.  she also loves throwing toys in the toilet if she manages to sneak in there when we are looking...but so far, nothing has gotten stuck, and we have not needed to call a plumber or our landlord. *whew*

She is starting to join in on the hand-movements for itsy-bitsy spider now.  not everytime, but enough to make this mommy all teary eyed thinking about it. (Bub has yet to join in yet...ever.)

nite all.  one more day off and then the next 2 days of my unit orientation (Yayee).

Nubs

Good day w/ a brief bad interlude..

Today was my 1st day at my new job...so lots of orientation and sitting around getting lectured to...about stuff I really do need to know...but will never be able to entirely retain. 

Joe and I decided to go out to dinner WITH the kiddos...I really didn't feel up to cooking, and heck, we "needed" to celebrate my new job.  Plus since we don't do halloween, we wanted to do some kind of alternative for the kids...even tho Bub is oblivious to holidays except Christmas, and Z is still learning the whole holiday thing.  Plus I found 2 free kids meal vouchers for Texas Roadhouse that I won YEARS ago in a March of Dimes activity..so hey- kids eat free...I don't cook...we're all winners!

Unfortunately just before we go, Bub had some issues...having to rush out right after getting home from school to pick me up disrupted Bub's schedule of Mondays enough to have some sensory and emotional challenges.  Bub was getting a little too grabby of Zber to Joe's level of tolerance (I was in the shower), so after a few failed attempts to get Bub to stop, Joe picked him up and carried him to his room to have a cool-down talk about respecting other's space.  Bub got upset and head-butted Joe...not really hard, but he hit Joe's glasses in such a way that the glasses gauged a chunk of flesh off Joe's upper left eyebrow!  Bub ended up hurting the side of his head in this and both Daddy and Son were making lots of "Angry Bird" kinds of noises.

Fortunately, we were able to calm Bub down and maybe this time got it thru his head that he's a big boy now and can't just go around bonking people in the head when he gets mad and impatient. *hope hope hope*

After everyone was patch up (Joe's so lucky I love doing wound care...) we went to Texas Roadhouse, our server was awesome.  we typically don't get good service when we go out with the kids, we typically get rushed out and not a whole lot of understanding about special needs and restricted diets.  She was so helpful, I think we have found our new "family" restaurant (even tho we can only really afford going out 1 time a month typically). 

Now the kiddo's have full bellies and are settling down for bed, and I have a little time to myself before I go to bed. Yayee  for mostly good days  :)

Phone conversations w/ my Hubby while I'm at work

Me- Hi hon, how are you?
Joe- I'm ok now.
Me- How are the kids?
Joe- we're not talking about that.
Me- Oh sh*t, what did Bub do?
Joe- not talking about it.
Me- you need to tell me what he did.
Joe- Well, he wouldn't listen to anything I would tell him, Zber managed to pull off her pants and diaper in her crib and everything was wet and he kept sneaking in to jump on the bed while I was trying to clean her up-
Me- what?  didn't you put zber in a zip-up jammy?
Joe- no, I just used the dora ones from last night.
Me- but you know she did the same thing last nite...
Joe- I just grabbed it cuz it was there.
Me- ok....so what next.
Joe- I made him take a time-out in his room, and when I came back his pants were off and there was a streak of poo across the whole room.
Me- so he had a defiant poo.
Joe- yep.
Me- I'm sorry babe.
Joe- me too.


Ten years ago, I would have never believed this was my life....now, this is my "normal"

be kind to parents w/ special needs kids.  :)

Doctor visit x2 kiddos

Random Bub elaboration

We did it. We took both kiddos to the doctor at the same time yesterday.

It was and wasn't a nightmare...if you know what I mean...

Highlights:
- Bub stood on the scale all by himself w/o freaking out.  (95 percentile)
- Bub allowed himself to be measured for height
- Zber is nearly 25 lbs and is at 45 percentile for her age (no more underweight concerns!!!!)
- Zber had no issues with her exam
- Doctor gave me NO problems when I asked for a referral to ECI for Zber
- Doctor gave me no "vaccines are important" speech since we decided to skip vaccines this visit

Nightmare moments:
- Bub's ears getting checked (ie- pinning him down amidst loud screaming)
- Bub attempting a great escape from the exam room
- Bub throwing himself off the exam table
- Explaining Bub's special diet to the new nurse
- The nurse doing the initial exam of the kids telling me she wanted to get a job at my facility.....
- Almost forgetting to get a Doctor's note for Bub's school
- Ensuring that they removed ALL traces of medicaid for Bub's coverage...since we don't qualify for it anymore...

So, after we had to get the kids home and fed b4 we could take Bub back to school, he missed his lunch during the appointment.  Thankfully that went well, I tried to stay up until 6pm but passed out in front of the PC watching season 2 of "South Park"  Which is pretty good considering I had been awake for 26 hours by then.  At some random point Joe woke me up for a return call from the "Mystery submission" and I have a meeting about it on Tuesday.

Then this morning I forgot I had a work function and didn't remember until 2 hours after it started.  However, since I am an RN, not a LVN, I am already certified/authorized to do the procedure this training was on, I think it will be ok...but I would have liked to have a refresher on it, so I'm still kicking myself in the butt about forgetting....but to be fair, we were woken up at 5:30 by Bub pounding on the door which scared Zber who then started crying her head off....and Joe was feeling poorly and I was/am still wiped out from my Thursday-friday day, so my head was not where it usually needs to be.

I've been very lazy today.  I did do the dishes, and fed the kids at appropriate times, and gave the kids their baths...so I guess I did what I needed to do.

We got a new kitten yesterday.  We ended up having to give Gunk away to another home because he did not like Zber...he kept spitting at her and acting like he was going to bite her face off.  He's [Gunk] very happy now and has a new cat friend.  I'm glad for that.  This new kitten has 6 toes on each paw, is black and white and is SO mellow around the kids.  Bub is very happy and is learning to pet her softly, Zber hasn't figured out that tails are NOT for grabbing and pulling yet.  we put up the baby-gate in front of the laundry room so the kitten can come and go as she pleases.  Bub wants to play with the kitty litter.  I try not to gag when I find Bub in there doing just that.  If he wasn't before, Bub is now an expert at hand-washing techniques, Nurse style....lol

happy snoopy dance!

So...  I submitted a *mystery* document on Friday.  I got a call back about it yesterday at 4:57..right while I'm getting report.  Of course I am a good little employee and actually FOLLOW the no cell phones on the floor rule.  (I think I am the only one....including my bosses....) so I don't see that I got the call until I took a quick break around 6:45.  I wasn't expecting a response for another week or two....so Yayee me  lol!

I meant to make cabbage rolls last nite before heading to work, I did the cabbage prep-work before I went to sleep yesterday morning, but I got a case of the lazy when I woke up.  It followed me to work, and since I didn't have any emergencies last night, my case of lazies grew.  This is not a good mood to be in when trying to stay awake until biz hours to make a return phone call.  I'm doing the 1st week of experimental Charge Nurse On-call next week, so fitting this in next week may prove problematic, but I am creative and resourceful....and sleep is only for the lazy..right?  oy.

Yesterday Zber fell asleep on the floor 20min before Bub got home from school.  Bub gets home sees her asleep on the floor...guess what he did...  He picked her up, which woke her up, which made her a crabby crab apple.  she's crying her eyes out, and bub is laughing his head off.  So what am I dealing with here?  Is bub laughing because he thinks it's funny he woke her up and she's crabby (cuz momma had that kind of mean streak in her towards HER little brother when I was a kid) OR is this the "inappropriate laughter" that tends to rear it's ugly head in my little man?  either way, it did not help me kick the lazy before going to work. Thank you once again autism for helping to make clear all life's little mysteries.... *insert eyes rolling*

Other than that, once Zber calmed down, the kiddo's were good, and chilled out with me until I had to leave for work.  Joe reported that Zber fell asleep in the hall in front of our room waiting for Joe to put her to bed a half hour after I left, and Bub did 2 more pages of homework. 

Got this from a friend on FB- wish I could credit it- If it's you...I love this sentiment.  :)

Today I have to tackle much:
- call the callback back
- call the pharmacy for Bub's script renewal
- get Bub to Speech therapy
- gear up for tomorrow's double-death session (both kids see the pediatrician...at the same time)(I'm going to die)
- other things that my poor lazy and sleep deprived head can't remember at the moment but will come crashing into my brain right as I start to nod off giving me a major adrenaline rush and accompanying panic attack.  blah.

Nite/morning folks.  wish me success?  Nubs!

Meltdown: where the hell did that come from Bub?

Bub had -THE- biggest meltdown I have seen in a VERY long time this afternoon. 

I stayed up very late this morning after work, completing a document I had been working on for over a week.  I passed out on the couch watching Joe play "Angry Birds"....I don't get the allure..

When Bub got home from school around 3pm, I was still passed out on the couch...he attacked me w/ a big ol' smooch on the kisser, so he was in a very good mood.  I still didn't get awake until about 430 tho.  I went outside to grab the mail and heard such screaming coming from inside.

*Sometimes I think our neighbors worry about the noises coming from our house....*

I walk in to find Joe pinning Bub to the couch.  Bub's face is beet red and he's screaming his lungs out.  Joe says he had his back turned for a min, and found Bub attempting to hit Zber.  Obviously Bub and Joe are only intensifying eachother's anger, so I grab bub and convince him to hang out in his room with me.  I locked us both in.  Bub didn't like being locked in his room despite my being in there with him.  He tried to hit me, tried to hit and kick the walls and doors, tried to throw himself on the ground, tried to head-butt me.  I just kept stopping him and tried to distract him with his favorite toys, and getting him to copy momma doing deep breathing while signing "calm down" 

when he stopped screaming so loud and gave up on hurting me or himself, we went to the bathroom to get some APAP meltaways and brushed teeth and did the ACT rinse (tactile stimuli really helps, but it has to be "his" idea these days to make it successful).  so now he's smiling and we make funny faces at eachother in the mirror.

When we leave the bathroom, I announce to Bub that we are going to the kitchen to make his all time favorite dinner of chicken nuggets so he wouldn't remember his angriness and attempt to recapture the mood once he and Z came face to face again.  Momma's rouse was successful, I had bub help me make the nuggets.  He's really good at putting them in the microwave and setting the microwave, but he's always impatient and opens it up before they are done ad tries to eat the "raw" nuggets.

Thankfully, there were no more angry episodes before bedtime, and Bub helped me put new sheets on his bed after he tore his off and flung them on the floor during his meltdown.  He seemed to welcome the idea of bed, and he likes how Momma will play into his ritualistic-ness by setting up his blanket layers exactly right including putting the ani-ooh and camera in his bedding.

I think Zber must have tripped on Bub or did something that physically "hurt" him, because he kept trying to bang a specific body part on me and the walls...he usually only does that when he is actually hurting, not when he is just mad.  I have no idea why it escalated to such a high intensity today tho.  But it is Friday, and I've been at work Tues -Thursday nite. I wonder if this is happening at school.  I'm not getting any notes about it if it is tho.

Joe is worried his resperidone needs to be upped.  I have to remind him that Bub's med doesn't stop the anger and aggressiveness...it just tends to tone it down a bit so behavioral modifications have a chance to sink in.  my poor bub.  Autism sure can throw a loop on you very unexpectedly.

*FYI- Zber was not hurt by Bub...we keep a VERY close eye on things like this and protect both our children to the highest extent*

autism and sense of humor

Now my Bub likes to play a joke.  he likes to do "slightly" naughty things while he knows you are watching him, all the while grinning like a cheshire cat.  He also will draw silly pictures to make you laugh, put his toys in a weird arrangement to make you laugh, and do a sneak-attack tickle.   Bub loves laughing.

however, Bub is not so good at being the object of a joke from Daddy....  Joe and Bub were outside after school, Bub is bouncing on the trampoline, being a happy bouncy Bub, Joe is working on chain mail.  Joe sees a school bus go by, and sez, "look Bub, the bus is back, it must be time for you to go back to school now, get your backpack."

Bub's retort?  He went screaming into the house like bloody murder and started crying in the bathroom after slamming the door shut after himself.  I thought a bee got him.  poor guy sobbing on my shirt.  Joe comes in and tells me the above.  Really Joe?  You tell him that after the "throw him in the creek" debacle?

Yea for autism making things interpreted literally, and a Joe that wants to joke around with Bub the way his Dad joked around with him.


Joe...just wait for Zbear to get a little older....

Bub was fine after a few min of me explaining school is over for the day, and we counted and named the days off he has until he goes back to school (Tuesday).

Now I just wish I knew why the thought of going to school was so upsetting... hrm.

Nubs

it's bad when both of us are sleep deprived...

So yesterday, Joe couldn't get Zbear to take her nap until after 2pm...and he chose not to wake her up after I left for work...so she woke up at midnight...spent the rest of the night keeping Daddy awake and crabby, and waited for me to get home (late...thanks Nurse who relieved me....) *insert sarcasm*.

She was all excited for her ba-ba...She even said "Ba-ba!" then ran to the door of our room, waiting for her glorious bottle of soy-formula goodness.  Well, it's 45 min later, she is not asleep yet.  I think I need to get the book "Go the F*ck To Sleep".  I mentioned it to Joe, he has not heard of it yet.  ?!?!?  But he thought it was funny.

Meanwhile, just minuets before I got home, Bub had a coprogenic moment...and I walked in to short-patient daddy cleaning poo off the floor.  What a great way to start Friday...  Bub's in the tub cleaning up.  a short litany of unmentionable oaths streaming from near the floor of Bub's room, and a screamy baby attacking my knee regions.


Oddly, this makes me think of something my wise friend Jon Carlson said to me once when I was 17, and I didn't believe him then...But I TOTALLY get it now...
He said marriages don't last based on love. Commitment makes it last.  At the time, in my HS angst, I thought he was a heartless bastard, and way too jaded being only 19. However...Love does not make it thru poop filled floors, and diapers for 6 years (not fun), and occasional puddles of urine decorating our child's floor, not to mention the infrequent poop murals on the wall.  If all we had was love, we'd be one the the statistic of divorced parents of special needs kids.  Thankfully we have love and commitment.   I used to tell Joe "tough, you're stuck with me" long before Bub came along...I'm glad Joe agrees that I'm stuck with him too.

I love my honey, even when he's washed his hands 3 times and tells me they still smell like poo.

Nubs.

Bub and his antics

We get the call from Bub's school..."Bub is sick, please pick him up now".  Really?!?

Joe gets Bub, is informed that he wouldn't eat, and pointed to his throat when asked if he was hurting, and refused to take an oral or axillary temp.  thank God they didn't try a rectal temp, right?  Joe, being the well trained Nurse's husband asked, "didn't you try taking his temp w/ a temporal thermometer?"  the response of the school nurse was..."we will be purchasing one in the very near future."  
*insert eye rolling*

Once Joe talked to Bub's aide, the story took a slightly different tone.  when Bub pointed to his throat, he was moving his pointer finger from the top of his throat to the bottom of his throat.  That is "drink" in ASL.  When they kept asking if his throat hurt he started crying.

Momma translation:  I am thirsty and you don't understand me, I think I will cry now because I am thirsty and mad.

*Insert my head pounding on the counter*

Bub's temp is 98.7- normal.  after 3 attempts, got to see the throat: no redness, no swelling.  No glandular swelling in the cervical (neck) area.  ears clean and clear, nose clear, eyes bright, MM pink & moist. 

Bub is fine.  Bub has now learned to fake getting sick to get out of school.  My gratitude abounds.

Bub is now in his room, in BED since he's "sick", and I have him practicing writing his letters on his little leapfrog electronic pad thingy grandma got him.  Gave him Jello, and Joe bought him some soda on the way home from school.   Bub is no longer "thirsty"

Thinking of printing out this post as Bub's excuse note for school tomorrow.

Nubs

what I get for trying to be a nice momma

And today:
Bub started today in a good mood.  he let me make pancakes w/o being in my way.  This is a big accomplishment for Bub...as pancakes are a favorite of his.  He refused to eat his peaches tho.  Ha ha on him, Momma snuck bananas in the pancakes.  hee.

Then while Zbear was napping, I decided to make corndogs from scratch for lunch.  This is a big deal for me since I can not find any edible version of corndogs that exclude forbidden ingredients from the stores (milk products mainly)  The few that I did find, I couldn't gag down, Joe barely ate (and he's a corndog lover) and Bub walked away from, and Bub never walks away from any kind of hotdog.
It started well.  Bub was all interested in what I was doing...until I rolled the hotdogs in flour.  Oh, the wailing.  Bub was convinced I was destroying his beloved hotdogs.  normally I'm not phased by this, but I had a vat of hot grease going on the range near the fussing of this little man. 
Momma started to loose her cool, Bub protested by climbing up the cabinets to get corn chips in protest, and promptly was sent to his room to take a time out in his bed.  more wailing and moaning.
Then when I finished making the corndogs and french fries, he peeled the coating off.  !!!!  in his favor I will say he came back 10 min later and did eat the coatings, but by then, after I finished monitoring Zbear's eating of the highly minced corndogs, I felt SICK, and I didn't eat anything.  Joe said it was good, but I felt like hurling.  Took a bath, during which time Bub snuck off to his room and protested the whole affair by pooping on the floor.

yayee us.

After cleanup (Joe did the floor, I did the Bub) I meant to only rest for a half hour, but Joe woke me up just before 7pm.  I slept thru our free babysitting offer and we missed our date night.  I feel really bad for that, plus I still feel sick.

The pharmacy called and said they aren't going to be able to refill Bub's risperidone until tomorrow, and unadvertantly sometime during the adventures in cooking I knocked over the box with his meds and we had a 20 min freakout thinking Bub climbed up the stove and ate himself an overdose of a hefty anti-psychotic.  Thankfully, as I said it was just knocked over, and now I am trying to think of a different safe location to keep his meds.  There is really nowhere in the house I can guarantee Bub won't get into, he is a marvel at engineering feats.  He figured out how to unscrew his door off the hinges when he found Joe's secret stash of screwdrivers.

well, at least he is happily asleep right now, as is Zbear.  I'm hitting up the pepto and hoping to feel better in the morning, so I can be ready for what Bub dishes up for me next.

attempting to pose while wearing his sister's snuggly hat

Nubs

adventures today

So, now that we are entering THE worst month to live in TX, because it is SO stinkin' hot...Joe and I are trying to come up w/ creative and cheap ways of getting the cabin-fever kids out of the house for a while.  today, at 4pm CST it was 116 farenheit.  WTF?!?!?!?

Any way you slice it it has been an eventful day.

It began @6:30 when Zber decided to wake up, by 7:00 she & Bub were eating breakfast, Z decided she wanted to be a big girl and stand up at the table in a big-person chair instead of her high chair. Momma made Big mistake to let her do that....she lost her balance and did a face flop on the floor and busted open her upper lip.  So Momma had to break the 10 am rule of "no popsicles before 10 am" (you know, to get the bleeding mouth to stop bleeding).  and since Z was slurping up a popsi, Bub had to have one too, otherwise non-verbal cries of loud unfairness would puncture my poor ears when all I really want to hear is coffee brewing....

so after that, poor Zbear had a really, REALLY fat upper lip.  like her mouth was just an upper lip.  No, I didn't take pictures of my poor baby's disfigured lip.  (it's normal again already).  Bub was all huggy towards Z today after she finished her crying post-face-flop, but little Miss Z did not want to be hugged on...so there was lots of momma pulling them apart until nap time.

***Side thought***
*have I told you all how much I love nap time?  Have I told you how much I cried when Bub stopped taking his nap everyday?!?  I wish nap time didn't end until age 65...then I would get one too....lol*
***end side thought***

After nap we all had lunch, even Bub decided eating the food I made him was a good idea.  He sometimes thinks eating should only involve sweets and popsicles.  we "argue" about this frequently.  Arguing meaning a conversation like this:

*hears the fridge door open*
Momma: Bub, close the fridge door.

Bub: *Door slam* "Aaaaahg!"   *Bub comes over to me and pulls my hands towards the kitchen*

Momma: What are you asking me for Bub?

Bub: *signs "Help"*

Momma: What do you want help with Bub?

Bub: *signs "help", pulls me toward the kitchen*

Momma:  No Bub, you have to eat your dinner before you have a popsicle.

Bub: *throwing himself on the floor "Aaaahg!!!!!!!"*
Repeat X5

This conversation happens frequently in my house, just switch "Breakfast" and "Lunch" for "dinner"

Meanwhile, the power company (the one we pay to have our power mysteriously out for hours at a time at least once a week in good weather) stops at our door and asks if we will let them cut down some branches over the power line in our backyard, or if we want to do it ourselves...I answer, "that's really up to my landlord, as we don't OWN the property".  So between Joe and I, we get our landlord on the phone who then grants permission of the general heyday of branch cutting...which turned into an ENTIRE TREE being chopped down in the back yard.

As a plus to the wanton Shade murder (remember-116degrees, I like shade...) Joe thinks there is a piece of wood out there that will make a great bowl if he can find all his tools to turn it.  I think it's a knobbley root piece of wood.  It was too hot for me to really go out and inspect, esp since an enormous chunk of shade is now missing from the backyard... grrr..

so to escape the loud chainsaw tree massacre we loaded the kids up into the car and when to the mall.  Bub was so well behaved.  He made his momma proud.  Z however wanted to run off every chance she got!  Bub was an excellent big brother and kept herding her back to us.  it was really cute.
they had this hurricane stimulator booth for $2 in one of the main areas, Joe thought he and Bub should give it a try.  once the wind started, Bub did his "unhappy ALMOST but not quite scream" and flopopped  out of the booth and insisted that we should put about 30 ft distance between us and the booth.  Momma complied rather than make my poor guy freak out.
He was very interested in the trampoline thingy that needed cables and a harness attached to the jumper.  Momma and Daddy decided he's not quite ready for that yet...at least not until we replace the netting on our trampoline.  Best not give the boy too many ideas that involve him flipping off the trampoline and onto the ground...we already coped w/ a broken arm 2 years ago...   And he still makes a pretend cast out of toilet paper every now and then

finally, dinner, which bub has refused, and I am refusing to allow popsicles.  He still thinks he will win this argument...I know better.  It's nice being a mom.  lol!

Me and Z!

Me and my Bub

making Chainmail w/ daddy

Enjoy the shots!

more of the world from Bub, and a monkey salad bowl

Bub has been doing really well on Risperidone.  Tomorrow will be a week on it.  next Thursday I need to call his Doctor and report on how he's doing.  Peeing in the potty has improved...pooping...not so much yet.  He has been VERBALIZING!!!  Grandma caught him on tape saying "Big!" as he built a lego tower that was taller than he was.  -I- heard him say "big" while he was building a plastic easter-egg tower yesterday...and he almost never verbalizes around me...lil stinker...  lol

I met with his school nurse on Tuesday to update her on his new med and side effects to look for (most rare yet possible- neuroleptic malignant syndrome)  she never heard of either the drug or the side effects.  REALLY?  not remember NMS?  I remember VERY well Ms Wyszynski going over that in Med Surg III.  telling us how to "snatch that patient from the grip of death"  as NMS is pretty fatal if you don't identify and address it very quickly.  Bub's Dr and I talked for a great while about how frequent that side effect had manifested in her years of practice (very VERY little).  I told the school nurse that if he shows symptoms of NMS call 911.  She said they don't like doing that w/o calling the parents first.   !!!!???!!???!  call me, I'll call 911 and meet him at the hospital!  Seriously...if you had a kid go into a diabetic coma (likely in a school setting at some point), you would call the parents before you dialed 911?  I have grave concerns about this nurse and her desire to protect her license....

ANYhow,
I was going thru the pictures on my camera and noticed some pictures I didn't take, and aren't in the style or nature of pictures Joe would take..(Joe takes pictures when I hand him the camera and say, "Just take a picture of me and the kids already!!!!!")  And Bub has been understanding the camera, and loves to turn it on while making his "elaborations" to watch the progress on screen, like he's on TV or something.  :)  it's cute.  But I think he actually took some pictures while he was viewing his progress.  I need to buy him a cheap $20 digital camera soon, so he won't keep stealing my pricey one!  lol

I took this picture of his geo-work  by the driveway

Self-portrait taken by Bub...how about them nostrils?  hee!

Rolly-balls!  Bub LOVES his rolly-balls!  Unfortunately, Zbear does too...

More rolly-balls!

And a while back...I posted about Zbear pulling out the Monkey wood salad bowl my parents got us.  I found the shot.  Click HERE for that post.

Monkey girl in monkey bowl!

Nubs to you all!  Good night!

Still tired

Really LOOOOONG nite.  Lots of stuff happened, had to stay until 6:20ish to finish all my paperwork.  yuck.

Zber was very happy to see me, since I was the one who changed her poopy diaper. ew.  Bub was NOT happy to see me as I was trying to wake him up...by letting Zber in his room to mess up he current elaboration.
He -really- doesn't like it when I do that, but it wakes him up.

It kind of reminds me of when I would run into Ross's room and start freaking out like we only had 10 min before the bus would come.  It always got him out of bed, but it also got him mad, and gave me a punch in the arm, or other extremity...  Ah!  I miss my brother.  :(

Well, must get to bed, I have 2 more days on.

Nubs

Coprogenics

I have now found a name for it: Coprogenics.  Let me tell you, it is one of the most frustrating things Bub has ever done, and prolly will ever do.   I've been reading a lot about it.  I think Bub is doing the poop-thing for attention.

So I'm kicking myself in the butt and spending extra time with Bub today.  So far no poop at all...which worries me that it will happen just before he falls asleep.  We had issues w/ the A/C today, so I even camped out with him for a while, but he wouldn't sleep bc he was too afraid Joe and Grampa would disturb his elaboration he set up in the living room- where the A/C unit is located.

After a very unsuccessful trip to the potty, Bub is back in bed w/ his newly animated annee-ooh (batteries added).  So I hope he will go to sleep easily and not have an incident, and listen to the songs on annee-ooh, esp the 20 little leapfrog song which seems to be his favorite.  But he also likes the uppercase alphabet song.  I haven't heard either song, I think he is still upset even tho all the toys from the elaboration are now in his room.

I tell you.  parenting him can be hard.

Nubs

stubborn bub

My poor poor kid.  He's got an overdose of stubbornness from both me and Joe...We just spent the last hour convincing him to take his herbal supplement (that is nominally helping- for now).  Then when he decided to take it, he tried to get more than he should.  all or nothing...it's crazy-making.

He seems to be back on to environmental art again.  here is his latest creation

To be honest tho, today was a really bad day.  and I hear the doubters saying "All kids have bad days"

Yeah, all kids have bad days, but not like this.  Not when it's a bad day w/ stims and self-abuses, and obsessions, and rituals.  Sometimes when people tell me "it sounds like pretty typical behavior for a 6 y/o", I want to punch them in the face.  I GREATLY edit what I tell people about the bad days, even the people who know Bub really well, because they either won't believe me and think I'm exaggerating, or they will give me the "f***, this chick is nuts...run away"- look.  yes it is a specific look....I bet you have it on your face right now.

QUICK get a mirror and look so you know what I am talking about.


Convincing your child that he can't bring his pennies to the livingroom b/c they will be ingested by his little baby sister is hard enough when they understand you, add not sure if you are being understood in the mix, then add his irrational obsession to bring them into the livingroom even tho Momma is threatening to take away the said pennies, add to that Momma took them away to protect the baby.

Sometimes, the way he acts when I have to take away his latest ritual-obsession makes me think of an addict that can't get his next fix and is freaking out to find/get what will make the withdrawal pain away.  great, to protect the baby, I'm making my poor boy go thru penny-DTs. 

that actually kinda made me laugh in a defeated kind of way.

and what is really frustrating is that not even an hour before this started he was being SO good.  he wanted to help me cook, so I let him "help" me cut the greenbeans and onions that I was cooking for lunch.  and after a brief refusal of lunch (I gave him his favorites, not what the rest of us ate)  and he did eat his hotdog, applesauce and noodlies, and spent a good 45 min with me writing the alphabet and numbers.  He even copied a smiley face that I drew.  He's NEVER drawn a face that doesn't look like a clown about to have a sucking contest with a vacuum cleaner before.

after we got both of the kiddos to bed, Joe and I just sat outside for awhile, shellshocked.  I keep telling myself it will be better, it has been better, it HAS to get better.  I'm having a hard time believing myself today.

I'm home and WTH?

I'm home again, after a 2 day drive in which we stopped in Camden MO, where little Z decided sleep is not an option when you have a hotel room to explore and a TV within reach that is easily turned on and off by a little popitscha.   so momma only got 3.5 hrs of sleep.  yayee me.  shoulda just kept driving.

I am thankful that the situation in MN is much more stable now, and everyone is on the path of recovery and health.  There are enough support systems in place now that I don't think this kind of crisis will blow up again anytime soon.  Hopefully sanity and clear-headedness will prevail.

But as a side, I popped up my stats, do you know what post has been most viewed while I was gone?!?   this one: random microbiology comment

It is such a stupid and short post, but I'm getting random viewers from Russia, Iran, Cambodia, etc..  I don't get it.  I put a comment up on it to see if people will comment where they are from when they view it..I am kinda curious why they are even googling it.  the strangeness of people other than me mystifies me.

gonna go, Bub needs to be monitored during his 5 min time out for climbing up the bookcase.
*sigh*

Nubs.