Just too old for this.

I think I have hit a tolerance wall.  My filter is starting to erode for my online class discussions. 
One of the project I have to work on is a proposal for an app college students need.  it needs to be multimedia  (ie, make a powerpoint with a video in it and some pictures, maybe some other graphics and a chart/graph for some rando statistics)

This is so below my skill set.

I feel like this class is worthless.  I spent 6 hours on my last project.  we were supposed to spend 2.5 weeks on creating it.  I spent 6 hours TOTAL in one sitting- scanning references and writing around high points with numbers.  I got a 96%  4 points off.  mainly because I didn't do any long quotes to show I know how to indent a paragraph quote.

well, maybe this class isn't completely worthless.  my BS skills are improving. 

And this is the point I keep coming back to- if this little effort is needed to get an "A", what in the world kind of standard is my work being compared to?  and what are the other papers looking like if my prof says "BRAVO" of my 6-hours-of-constantly-rolling-my-eyes-while-I-worked-on-it paper?  Seriously, that total tripe I turned it only had 4 points taken off...4.  What kind of degree is this going to be worth if my work is judged so poorly.

I am SO glad I dropped out of college at 21 and never finished my english degree.  if I had finished, I would probably be JUST like this guy- unable to see through the crappy content because it uses the techniques taught.

Bub's path diverting?

We are at the point where we have to decide Bub's educational path.  We have a choice to keep him in an primarily educational setting, or start him 1 year early on functional skills/life-skills as the primary focus of his education.

I'm not ready for this decision.

And hormones....at 45 I can't rule out the reality of hormones jumping in to bring the drama back into the decision making.

There is never a good time to sit and think things through, much less get things accomplished well.

Guess keeping on keeping on is the best I've got right now.

prayers all- N

Survival tips for a Autism Dx- year 14

I tried to post this as a PAGE so it's easy to click on, but I have been out of the blogger-world so long, what I thought I needed to do, isn't really working the way I remember it working...

So I will just have it as a post and repost occasionally, unless I figure out what I couldn't figure out.
It happens.  lol


1- Breathe.  No one dies from Autism.


2- FIND HELP AND INFORMATION:  do not listen to people who quote Oprah, Dr Oz or any other talk show.  Find legitimate sources.  Ask your Doctor.  Ask your Nurse.  Talk to the School Counselor. Get books/resources from your library.

    2b- Don't believe everything you read on the web.  Be careful of what you try and always clear it with your Doctor first.  There are MANY unscrupulous people who will take advantage of parents who are despairing over their child's diagnosis.

    2c- Ask for referrals!  To Speech therapists, Occupational therapist, Physical therapists.  Ask about alternate therapies like Hippotherapy, hydrotherapy, diet modifications, visual therapies, ABA therapy, PEX-communication, AACs. Signing, etc...  No one thing works for every child.  Ask about and try different things!

    2d- Ask about financial supports, Medicaid, Social Security, Easter Seals, Autism Speaks.  You don't known what kind of help you can get if you don't ask for it!  Screw your pride, no one has a baby thinking "I do, I do, I do hope he has autism".  it's a shocker.  it's ok.  it's ok to ask for help too.


3- Find another autism-parents to talk to.  Find one who is about where you are so you know you aren't alone.  Find another one who has an older child than yours so you have hope, and be that one to someone else down the road.  If you are lucky enough to be in an area with a support group, join it!


4- Right now, be strong, for YOU.  You will get stares, you will get horrible people making judgments about you, your parenting, and your child.  You experience public meltdowns.  You will have escapes and elopements.  You will find yourself wanting to be a puddle of you crying on the floor.  The first few years (at the least) your child will be clueless about this.  Learn how to be strong NOW, so when they do start to notice outside themselves you can be strong for them.


5- Don't blame yourself or your spouse.  "for better or for worse"  This is "worse" time.  keep each other's back, support each other against the world.  Build them up.  Parenting autism is hard, it's even harder if you are doing it alone.


6- Don't ignore/minimize/compare your neuro-typical child/children to your child with autism.  They have to live with autism too, and it affects them in ways you can't even imagine.  Your neuro-typical kids' emotions bounce from love, to compassion, to confusion, to resentment, to jealousy, to fierce protectiveness, to pity, and more.  ALL your kids need you to love and pay attention to them.  Each kiddo needs to know they are just as important as the one with special needs.  Treat them that way.

2019 Update

Thus far in 2019:

I imitated Quasimodo with a "facial explosion" due to a peri-orbital cellulitis stemming from a suspected spider bite. *see below*

I had a fun 2.5 day stay at the hospital of my former employment. At least I was a happy non-needy patient  ;)    (ps- I'm *not* winking in these photos...my eye is swollen shut)

I used all my saved PTO.  Zbug came to visit me.  She hugged me and told me,

"It's not your time yet, mom."


...
...
...

Somehow I didn't laugh right when she said that, but after she left, the Nurses and I laughed long and hard.  *Still kinda laughing*

I did start college ...AGAIN...  *I really feel too old for this..I am just a tired little woman.

So far I'm doing really well, but my 4th class starts in 2 days, so I'm just a little nervous about managing all four, plus family, plus work, plus needing to exercise, plus needing sleep.

see, this is why I am a "plus" kinda gal.  lol  (Also why I need to exercise more)

I managed to weed ONE of our 12 garden beds last weekend (spring break).  we are behind on our planting...again.  one of these years we will be on target, but not this year.

Joe is starting his own apiary.  Yes, there will be a beehive delivered to our home on 4/1/19, sans the bees tho.  Joe is hoping to capture a swarm with the help of one of our church family members who is a real, live, bee-keeper. 

So the zoo of my home will now include 1 dog, 3 cats, x to the nth bees, 2 kids, a husband, and uncountable dust-mites.  Oh yeah, also a varying quantity of spiders that bite your face at night while you sleep.  can't forget about those.... *See above*

So I truck on, I mean to write more, but I don't. 
Praying your lives are filled with the peace of Christ, who is my hope!

Nubs  :)

2019 - the madness

Happy New year!

2019 is going to be crazy.
My team doubled in size...
I'm going to take 12-15 credits starting 1/22/19 (trying to fix the math issue..hopefully just 12 credits)

I continue to have 2 kids and a Husband...and 3 cats...and a dog...and uncounted dust-mites....

I somehow think I will be able to do all that and garden too....

woot.  lol!

Last Front Tooth

Today Bug lost her last front tooth. She was working it at church.  I got her to stop for a while b/c she agreed that loosing her tooth in church would be too messy...because blood.

sigh

After church we went to Walmart because yesterday Kroger didn't have the gf version of "ramen" Bub likes...  Oh, did I not share that before?  Yeah, we're pretty much gluten free again (except for stuff Joe can't live without...like ramen)

My wonderful friend Patti (Happy Birthday Patti) shared with me this rice noodle-packet that looks and cooks like ramen (One of Bub's favorite snacks).  However, the "Flavor packet" is HOT, as in "Burn-me-as-it-exits-my-system" HOT....so Bub won't use that, but thankfully, I found a gf chicken soup base that he will use and likes.   AND it's relatively affordable at Sam's in a big tub....which is good, except that it's in a big tub....  puff

Anyhow- Walmart- Zbug->  She's working that tooth all over Walmart as Joe and I pull out frozen GF meals and ask Bub, "Would you eat this?"  with him responding by Screaming at us when we show him a box. 

3 people left the frozen department isle we were in after we showed him the 3rd box....

After showing him at least 10 frozen meals (which is actually a VERY IMPRESSIVE # of choices) I ask him to show me something he would be willing to eat.   ...
...
...
Chicken nuggets.

Tater tots.

Frozen corn.

Sometimes I just want to bang my head over and over and over.....

As we are leaving, Zbug is still working that tooth.  As soon as we get home and pull into the garage and close the door, little Buggie-boo smiles a big bloody smile at me...

"It's Out Mommie!" 

I only have $1.00 cash on me tonight.

...

I think the $1 will include a note encouraging a visit to the dollar store r/t the many wonders it contains.....

Zbug is trying bargaining as a method of "sneaking" her way out of her chores.

She does not realize Momma has a long history of craftiness and successful sneakiness as a child and thereby is easily able to thwart her feeble rationalizations.

Momma continues to outwit the Bug's lack of logical progression.


ME:  Who makes you food every day?  Who washes your clothes and makes sure you have toys to play with?"

ZBUG:  . . . you . . . .

ME:  So I do a lot for you, huh?

ZBUG:  . . . yes . . .

ME:  So, do you think maybe you should reconsider not helping me when I ask you to help me?

ZBUG:  . . . what I really mean is, I will help you now . . . .   *picks up toys and candy wrappers*


We have this conversation at least once every other day.  I know her little mind is grasping for a alternate argument where the outcome results in her successful non-compliance, yet once more she has failed to outwit the Momma...

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

Foiled again...

Are you ready for the summer. NO!

Bug and I went to the library yesterday.  I found a notice in her bag, on Saturday- the day AFTER the last day of school...that there is a summer reading program connected to our local library.  fortunately we are able to get bug signed up.

I was going over the prizes with her, one is a big special party for kids who read 100hrs+.  Bug says she's doing that.  I say, let's start with 5 hours, and add more.  Bug kinda looked at me funny, then ran off to play with some other kids.

I sat down intending to read a little and be quiet, because we (I!) have been going going going all weekend with little things. I ended up talking to 2 lovely ladies, one maybe 5-10 year older than me, the other well in her 70s. Very different backgrounds on each of them.  But it was nice.  I'm not usually a talkative person, feeling quite socially awkward most of the time in non-business settings.  I've been trying to stretch a little and make myself do things that are not always comfortable.  I don't like it, but I do it. Usually it turns out fine.

Bub continues to improve and is returning to himself after his horrible infection.  His O&P came up negative, but they didn't test for giardia, and that's what I think he had.  My poor boy has no pants that fit him.  :(  and he won't tolerate a belt. *puff*  Sometime this week, I need to run to some thrift shops and find him some pants.  I don't want to get a lot, bc I'm pretty sure he will start gaining that weight back pretty quickly.

We got back his allergy tests.  He is allergic to wheat, but not gluten.  But we're on week 3 of returning him to a GF diet.  The results also show he is allergic to soy and PB, both of which he seems to tolerate well in the past, and that he is NOT allergic to milk. ???  So we are patiently awaiting a follow up appt with an allergenist for further testing. 

He's starting to play games back with me.  His favorite right now is a variation of our original game "sneak" and "naughty puppy"  only instead of a puppy toy trying to steal his orderly stuff, I'm attempting the "theft" and alternating between "sneaking" a lego, or "sneaking" a tickle on his neck or arm.  He laughs, then tries to tickle me back.  Once in a while, he will let me have a few legos or other toys to build something, and as soon as I finish and show it to him he breaks it and laughs hysterically.

We all got to go to church yesterday.  Bub hasn't been able to go for over 2 months, what with all the GI symptoms he had been having.  No hooting and hollering.  We had to sit on the far side away from the cookie table tho.  I made GF chocolate chip cookies and brought a variety of other cookies and snacks for him so he wouldn't feel sad.  He loves getting goodies at church.  Bug was very considerate of her brother, and didn't show-off what she got at the goody-table, and only ate 1 of his "special" cookies!  lol!  sisterly love.  lolololololol

Today we are planning on a fun wet day at magic springs, then a small cook-out at home.  Right before sunset, if the weather is nice, we will toast marshmallows and make smores.  I found GF graham crackers!!!!!!  That did not exist 6 years ago.  as you can tell, it really doesn't take that much to excite me anymore...  0_o

Last Day of 1st Grade

I miss my blogging time.  I read or listened to (not sure which) a story about a mom-blogger that was having a dilemma with blogging about her life which included how she deals with her kids and details about her kids, and how to protect/ensure her children's privacy as they were growing up.

She didn't really reveal what conclusion she made, which I felt was a pretty crappy way to end a story.  My conclusion is: I'm not sure either.  That's why her conclusion was crappy!

So I'm going to continue as I have, I don't think anyone I know really reads this anymore since I have been so negligent in posting.

School is about to end for my little muck-mucks.  Bub has missed the last 3 weeks of school r/t an unknown illness.  We are waiting on lab results, but since he was put on Flagyl ("just in case") he has improved.  So I'm thinking my little guy picked up a parasite at some point since Feb.  March is when he started having trouble.  He has lost 18lbs since Feb.

...I don't think I will have to worry about his PCP telling me that Bub is overweight and counseling me on preventing early teen/adult onset diabetes for a while...  *yeah, my mind goes there*

This past year, the Zbug has been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia.  The momma-muppet had been pushing the school district and her MD specialist all year, so now the ZBug is getting appropriate therapies, interventions, and medications.  She has a 501 plan.  She went from being 3 reading levels behind in October to being 2 levels ABOVE standard for her grade/age.

So although I am FAR from an expert, I now have experience with IDEA and 501s- which are VERY different programs that cover very different types of children.

You know, and this is just me.  I am very grateful there are ANY kinds of programs for kids with learning and/or development disabilities.  I get really frustrated at my fellow parents that bitch and moan about how there aren't enough programs, and how the programs don't cover everything.

I keep hearing my step-grandmother over and over in my head, in her strong Ukie accent: "You think life is easy?  It's not easy, it's Hard!"

I know most of my family did not like her, but I really appreciate the honesty she had for a 16 yr old idealistic-idiot.  I try REALLY hard to replicate that kind of honesty with my kids.  They will not thank me for it until MUCH later in life.  If I am lucky, I will still have my marbles.

   

2015

2016

   

Last week

March

Whirlwinding

Since my last post, I was offered my dream job.  I am going to be merging my Sales/Telephony 1st career with my current Nursing career.  pretty much doing the best of each one concurrently!  I am very very very excited.

Zbug is very excited that I will be sleeping at night at home every day, and won't be too tired to make it to church on Sunday morning because I just finished my 3rd 12 hour of 3shifts in a row.  Yesterday I got home from work, brought everyone's favorite breakfast home from the cafeteria, changed into church clothes, and passed out on the couch watching sponge bob w/ Zbug.  Joe sent me to bed.

I felt pretty crappy about passing out.  I really wanted to go, but once I'm down, it's for the count.

Joe and I have been preparing for this transition.  We are doing a test run on Wednesday to see if Joe will be able to handle picking up both Bub and Zbug from school (same campus, different buildings) so Zbug can still go to Ballet, I won't be able to pick her up anymore.

Today was the first warm day since Christmas, we went outside and played croquet, FINALLY.
Bub got it, and Zbug...well, she needs to work on learning to like it.  we'll get there.  it takes time.

But in the meantime, we carry on carrying on.

Last Summer's alternative

So, during the last two years where I didn't blog, for whatever reasons there were, we did stuff.

Last summer Joe and I got the news that Bub doesn't qualify for ESY (extended school year).  We were kinda expecting that tho, since the year before he BARELY qualified for it.

Being a forward thinker, I took advantage of a program at my job for discounted season passes for the local amusement park.

In a lot of ways, moving to Hot Springs was a really good move for us, we have TONS of touristy-type activities around, we're only an 30-60min drive from "big city stuff",  but we have yet to really explore and become part of it all.  We try, we just get so damn tired.  The thorn of waiting until you're 30 to have kids....

Anyhow, we did A LOT of time last summer at Magic Springs, Bub loved the rides best.  Bug loved the waterpark (splash island) best.

(note- I avoided all pictures of me in swimming gear...Muahhahahahaha, victory is mine!)

Bug is very heartbroken that the "musement park" isn't open past Nov. 1st.    Bub brings out the magic springs commemorative water-bottle-thingies and asks us "go?"  so he must be pretty sad about it too.

Both are looking forward to the opening on Memorial day.  I stopped at the HR office at work a week before Christmas to ask about getting tickets for next year, the sales rep from the park hadn't been in yet.  I am anxiously waiting for them to get in.  It makes summer so much better when we have something to do and the kids don't just sit around all day while I'm at work or sleeping.

yeah, gotta keep checkin' on that.

Prolly the suckiest Christmas break for my kids.

It really started in late October.  Zbug got sick at a pep-rally.  She got her picture in the paper (ok- it was tiny and in the corner...but you can see her...in color...I saved it...)

It turned into atypical pneumonia.  She gave it to me.  We got better...sorta.  then she got another bug right before Christmas, gave it to her grandmother, cousin and aunt.  then she started to get better and somehow gave it to her brother.  Then she got sickly again and gave it to me and Joe.

Joe has a sore throat and is losing his voice.

I have a sore throat, and I think I perforated my right eardrum.  Depending who is at work tomorrow, I'm going to have one of my friends look at it.  Lol, nurses, the ultimate health DIY-ers.

As a result, since we got home from Joe's parents...we have done nothing.  Joe and I take turns being in bed half-asleep.  the kids are going stir crazy.

I had visions of playing with Bub's croquet set in the backyard every day, reading books with the kids and going to the science museum.

Instead, I managed to clean the kitchen and vacuum yesterday.  that was our excitement of the day, being chased by the vacuum cleaner.

Today, Zbug put a bunch of purple lego squares in a shopkins basket and told me it was her baby bee sleeping.

...  no words...

make me some soup?

So, I just finished my 4 day stretch.  It was a hard one.  Singing a Christmas carol as a goodbye.

Sometimes my hard little nurse heart breaks for them.

I'm sickly and having a hard time sleeping.  Since no one cooks for me and I wanted soup, it's cooking right now.  It's kinda a stone soup kinda thing with what I have around.  ham, barley, potato, celery, carrot, onion, dill, a can of beans.

no idea if it will be good.  I just want soup that is not from a can.  

and x2 benadryl.

nubs

Early Christmas

Got back from Joe's parents today.  I actually unpacked and did laundry.

Usually that takes about 2 weeks to do.  yeah, I typically suck at that, but am trying to improve.

I work 12hr shifts the next four days, that's why we had early Christmas on Sunday.  I try to like holidays, but I don't like most of them.  I do them for the sake of others around me...and because it is not socially acceptable to not do holiday stuff.  I am kinda glad my job makes me work most holidays.  Then I can not do things and people feel bad for me, instead of wondering why I'm *insert bad word of choice*

My kids love Christmas.  I do it.

This is one of the few pictures I found with me smiling in them.  PFFFT!

I actually got out some Christmas cards this year.  Joe thinks the last time I got them out...as in dropped off in a post box was 2009.  I think he is right.

So Bub gained A LOT of weight when we moved here 2.5 years ago and for the past year we have been modifying his special diet in an effort to maintain his current weight- NOT to necessarily loose weight.  but he did end up losing about 10lbs.  and he grew.  however, we were still slated to go to a weight management clinic for children in Little Rock last week.  *puff*

They didn't have anything new for me to do...well, they told me to lay off the eggs for Bub b/c his cholesterol is a high normal.  I think I have read research that now indicates cholesterol from eggs as a dietary source of cholesterol does not increase cholesterol levels.  I will find my friend Donny at work in the next few weeks.  He is a dietitian and very helpful, but he works days, and I am now- it seems- permanently fixed on nite shift.  When he leaves his daily crossword in the break room after his shift, I find it and finish for him....and leave it in his box with a smiley.  :) I also get great gardening advice from him.  I sometime end up staying late after my shift to finish charting, so one of these days our paths will cross again.
Digression- yeah, the MD, Pediatric Nurse, and Pediatric Dietitian had nothing of real substance for me.  Bub overall was well mannered, the Nurse didn't think I'd be able to get Bub to participate on some of the equipment they used for testing BMI etc.  Momma can get bub to taste foods that touch- Momma can get Bub to co-operate when I really need him to.  We're still going to go back in June, bc I do want to see if we are making progress.

They do want him to be more active, his muscle mass percentage is low.  Bub has this thing see....he cocoons himself under his blankets and watches one show on his TV and another show on his Ipad.
Since he is still very much entranced by Alice in Wonderland(non-Disney/non-Depp) I got him a croquet set for Christmas.  I will introduce it by watching the croquet scene, then going outside and having him help me set it up.

I am not sure if I will attempt to teach him the rules right away, part of me just wants him to want to play...the other part knows, however he first plays, will then be the only way he plays.  I better teach him the rules straight up.  Zbug is very rules oriented right now, (even if she doesn't want them applied to her)  She will most likely help me re-enforce how to play with the Bub.

And so it goes.

creepy Darth Vader did not captivate after all

Sometimes I don't even realize it still hits me.  I find myself just going off about Bub's autism to people I hardly know?  WHO DOES THIS?  (other than me) 

I'm just sitting in Zbug's ballet class, and there is another mom there and a grandmother, and I don't even know how, but I'm talking about Bub and autism.  again.  discussing his diagnosis, discussing how it impacts Zbug, how it impacts our family, how we can't find a babysitter, on and on.  Thank God Patty called us in for the kiddo's party and I stopped.  WTH?  I don't do that anymore.

Maybe I'm just raw right now.

After several attempts, me n Zbug snuggled down to watch Star Wars today. She had seen a poster of Darth Vader at the grocery store and wanted to know who "that creepy guy" was.  We agreed to watch the movie together in case it was too scary for her (her idea).  We didn't even get to the part where they rescue Leia.  She kept bouncing around in the bed, asking questions that had nothing to do with the movie...basically driving me nuts.

Here's the thing with me and movies.  If I actually sit down and watch a movie...don't talk.  leave me alone to be mesmerized by the story.  Bug is very much like her grandmother, if the movie doesn't instantly captivate her, (like "Adventures in LaLa Loopsey Land")  she will bounce around and talk to you.  Even though I have watched star wars many many many times, it was still really annoying how she was bouncing all over me.  I had fallen asleep and her bouncing woke me up= crabby.
So we switched to watching classic Electric Company on youtube.  She fell asleep.  I fell asleep for an hour and woke up for no reason.  I do like that she likes watching classic Electric Company with me.   We sing the cheesy songs about word sounds and punctuation.  She likes the "I wish I didn't have to wash" song.  She now knows "SH" makes a shushing sound.  :)

Fell asleep for another hour about an hour ago, and again, woke up for no reason.

Bub is up, he got out of bed about a half hour ago bringing me the Ipad and saying "paaaad, deaaaaaad?"  I told him to go back to bed, he heard me get up and came out to investigate.  He is now downstairs playing lego break-y break-y.  (he says that while breaking his creations).  eventually I will have to make him go back to bed. But right now, I don't want that fight yet.

How to write a damn "S"

Today I took my Zbug to her ballet class.  She fell down on her elbow.  Not sure how.  Then we had some shopping to do, my mistake was to take her to Books A Million.  She isn't reading well yet, BUT she likes books....and she discovered they carry Shop-kins.  And DarthVader, she is not entirely sure who he is, but she likes how he looks scary.

Anyway, we had to buy some stuff for Christmas cookies.  Last year I made the mistake of making Christmas cookies for my unit party.  They will not let me make anything else now.  While shopping we talked about family and Christmas, and I let Bug know her cousin-K broke her ankle (?) yesterday.  Bug was heartbroken and I suggested she makes her cousin a card.  Z is very into making cards right now, Grandma-Minnesota's birthday was last week and we made a card, so while I am making cookies she breaks into my stamp and ink collection from pre-child existence:

????

I helped her spell the inside message:

So here is my issue of the day.  I have much less patience with Zbug's learning curve than I do with Bub's.  I don't know why.  It really makes me sad. I try really REALLY hard to not let Zbug feel she is put second to Bub because of his autism, and lately our management of Bub's behavior with medications and behavioral reinforcements has really been good.  It's been well over 6 months since his last major meltdown, he's using the bathroom as it is INTENDED to be used, and once we switched brands of toilet paper, he has not been flooding the toilet, he's been great, and trying to verbalize more since he got his communication assistance device (CAD).  But I watch Bug make a "S" backwards and my blood-pressure goes up.  I show her again, telling her it's like a "c" on top of a backwards "c".  she makes a "3"  and giggles. 
Then she asks me questions she knows what the answer is.  And she tells me "it's too hard to do all by myself" in reference to picking up ONE piece of trash. 
And then she tells me I'm "Blue-tiful"  and "i love you too much to not miss you when you are at work"  and she does her little ballerina walk.  and I breathe, and show her how to write a damn "s" one more time.

Ongoing as always

Today I got a call from my daughter's MD's office.  She lad a CBC and CMP done about 2 weeks ago when she came down with pneumonia (which of course she had to share with me).  Her T4 is 13.5

We have to do a Thyroid panel now. 

This would explain many things unless it is elevated from the bacterial infection, which it could be, but her white count was normal. 

 So, bully us.  I take her for labs tomorrow afternoon.  We talked about the lab draw today on the way to ballet class.  Zbug says "I am afraid of the dark and IVs"  I reminded her it's only a lab draw, not an IV.  She calls it a shot.  She can point out what veins are good- lol.  She likes to pretend she gives me shots.  I have to show her the correct place on the arm cuz she'd get me on my wrist- that would be painful.

We finally got word from PRC that Bub's augmentive communication device should be here in 2-3 weeks.

I started the process of getting this thing on Dec 10th of last year.  I bet a bent penny we will get it on Dec 10th (a Thursday).

Both kiddos have glasses now.

(Imagine pictures of my kids until either Chrome lets me access google sites or Explorer lets me upload images)

I am back to working Nights again.

Yeah, it keeps going that way.

what the....? and quick update

Who are all of you that keep looking at my blog even when I post nothing since March?  y'all must love me or I've got a heck of a lot of stalkers, lol

Well!  lots has changed since last post.  We bought a house and moved to AR.  I now work in a med-surg floor and am having my butt kicked like never before.

Zbug has almost stopped asking when we are going home and accepting we are NOW home.

Bub still poops and pees on the floor....but it's getting less frequent.

Joe has a yard to mow and a TON of house-hold fixer-uppers to do, and is glorying in dreaming about all the things he wants to do to make the house "awesome".

I found us a church, and since I'm now working days, I get to go to church!  yayee!  I go to the early service by myself-which is good, cuz I'm the only one that likes the traditional lyrical service, and then we all go to the contemporary service.  we make it about 10-15 min before me and the kids hit the nursery/childrens' church, so Joe gets a chance to worship in a setting he likes much better.  Joe will put up with the "Lutheran Aerobics" when I ask him to, but he much prefers not to.  ;D

Bub will be starting School again mid August.  Joe is anxiously counting down the days.  Rowan is slowly losing some of the weight he gain before the move, d/t Joe making him help mow the backyard and Bub just runs the stairs up and down to his room and back to the kitchen.  we'll get him there.  both Joe and I are sheding a few pounds...but just a little so far.  ha!  Zbug does NOT need to lose weight, she is SO tiny!  

will post pictures soon, Joe says he's going to build me a tardis mailbox.  I can't wait to paint it!!!!

NUBS!!!!

assault by enema

it's always surprising to see my stats...as in, who the hell are these random people who read my crap, esp since I haven't posted for months d/t anxiety and a mini-depressive-like-state.  anyway....

I had a thought the other day, and as I have too many easily offended "friends" on FB to post thoughts uncensored, I'm posting it here instead.  that way I won't know who I offended and get mad when they unfriend me but then pretend to be my friend in real life.... yeahhhh

So part of my issues lately stems from the crappy health ins my employer offers, if I don't get a required membership to their owned health club and if I don't work-out a min of 20 min x24times in a quarter, my health ins premiums will double.  f-you to my employer first of all...but I'm not here to rant about that, just to set this thought up in context...

So I'm on my 17th session last week (I have until the 31st to get this shit done) it's right after I finished a shift at my PRN job (oh yeah, need another F-you to my employer for getting my hours so cut d/t low census that I have to work full-time hours at my PRN job), so I've been awake at least 18hr by now...and I'm at the effin gym, that I prolly haven't worked enough hours this pay-period to pay for my membership dues on my next check (F-you again).  I am walking slowly on the indoor track, bc if I'm being forced to do this, you can't force me to break a sweat...there is no clause that I have to do that, just that I am "working out"...my interpretation of that is from my 2nd grade teacher Mr. Johnson..."it doesn't matter what you do, or how much, just keep moving"   So I am moving, at my pace, for the required 20 min.  well guess what.  there is a group of about 20 effers running around the track being led by some perky little 70lb twit who is screaming "motavational" comments to keep them running.  and they nearly knock me over even tho I am in the dedicated "WALKING" portion of the track.

I cannot help but think how much I really hate most personal trainers, esp the ones to are shouty and insulting to make you mad so you keep going.  and then when you achieve your goal, you're so happy you "love" them and "thankful" for their version of "encouragement"  no.  not this little girl....

If that twit started shouting at me, I swear, I was ready to punch her in the throat and perform "assault by enema"  how awesome would that be?  I need a bumper sticker that says

"Piss me off, and I'll assault you with an enema so hard, it will come out both ends"

that was what got me thru that, that and walking even slower in the middle of my lane with my arms akimbo (peter pan style)

Nub

Wake up!

This is Zbugs favorite thing to say.  my heart is very relieved that she is verbalizing more and more, and is not just repeating what we say.  She's not on sentences yet, but she is starting original phrases.  Like today, when Joe took something away from her that she wasn't supposed to have, she said, "Daddy mean" while sniveling to me. 

She snivels.  to me, in corners, she puts herself in a cupboard and snivels.  I have to find a way to help her stop sniveling.  She's a very determined little girl, she is starting to be picky about what she wears and esp. what she eats...which is frustrating to me since Bub has major food issues.  One day she loves something and will not stop eating it, and 2 days later she will wrinkle her nose at it.  Yes she literally wrinkles her little nose.  It's hilarious...and I can't laugh while she does it.   But I want to.

Bub is currently obsessed with playing with water in the sink, pouring it into a container, then pouring from one container to another, like a mad scientist stereotype. it doesn't help that he giggles like mad while he is doing this.  after flooding our bathroom floor many times, we have limited him to the kitchen sink where we can at least keep an eye on him and avoid a floor flooding.  I would like this obsession to end, and of course it won't.

Bub continues to verbalize, he's getting better with answering yes/no questions.  He continues to say the first sound of words.  Joe and I are getting better at translation.  Today he hugged a random old man at church.  He doesn't do that.  I think the old man was put off by it.  what can I do?  he did good by being outgoing, he did bad by hugging someone inappropriate...how do I teach in this moment?  yayee me.

here are some recent pictures...I am trying to be better about all this, but you know..I'm not really....