Sunday, May 21, 2017

I miss my blogging time.  I read or listened to (not sure which) a story about a mom-blogger that was having a dilemma with blogging about her life which included how she deals with her kids and details about her kids, and how to protect/ensure her children's privacy as they were growing up.

She didn't really reveal what conclusion she made, which I felt was a pretty crappy way to end a story.  My conclusion is: I'm not sure either.  That's why her conclusion was crappy!

So I'm going to continue as I have, I don't think anyone I know really reads this anymore since I have been so negligent in posting.

School is about to end for my little muck-mucks.  Bub has missed the last 3 weeks of school r/t an unknown illness.  We are waiting on lab results, but since he was put on Flagyl ("just in case") he has improved.  So I'm thinking my little guy picked up a parasite at some point since Feb.  March is when he started having trouble.  He has lost 18lbs since Feb.

...I don't think I will have to worry about his PCP telling me that Bub is overweight and counseling me on preventing early teen/adult onset diabetes for a while...  *yeah, my mind goes there*

This past year, the Zbug has been diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia.  The momma-muppet had been pushing the school district and her MD specialist all year, so now the ZBug is getting appropriate therapies, interventions, and medications.  She has a 501 plan.  She went from being 3 reading levels behind in October to being 2 levels ABOVE standard for her grade/age.

So although I am FAR from an expert, I now have experience with IDEA and 501s- which are VERY different programs that cover very different types of children.

You know, and this is just me.  I am very grateful there are ANY kinds of programs for kids with learning and/or development disabilities.  I get really frustrated at my fellow parents that bitch and moan about how there aren't enough programs, and how the programs don't cover everything.

I keep hearing my step-grandmother over and over in my head, in her strong Ukie accent: "You think life is easy?  It's not easy, it's Hard!"

I know most of my family did not like her, but I really appreciate the honesty she had for a 16 yr old idealistic-idiot.  I try REALLY hard to replicate that kind of honesty with my kids.  They will not thank me for it until MUCH later in life.  If I am lucky, I will still have my marbles.

   
2015
2016
   

Last week

March

Monday, January 25, 2016

Whirlwinding

Since my last post, I was offered my dream job.  I am going to be merging my Sales/Telephony 1st career with my current Nursing career.  pretty much doing the best of each one concurrently!  I am very very very excited.

Zbug is very excited that I will be sleeping at night at home every day, and won't be too tired to make it to church on Sunday morning because I just finished my 3rd 12 hour of 3shifts in a row.  Yesterday I got home from work, brought everyone's favorite breakfast home from the cafeteria, changed into church clothes, and passed out on the couch watching sponge bob w/ Zbug.  Joe sent me to bed.

I felt pretty crappy about passing out.  I really wanted to go, but once I'm down, it's for the count.

Joe and I have been preparing for this transition.  We are doing a test run on Wednesday to see if Joe will be able to handle picking up both Bub and Zbug from school (same campus, different buildings) so Zbug can still go to Ballet, I won't be able to pick her up anymore.

Today was the first warm day since Christmas, we went outside and played croquet, FINALLY.
Bub got it, and Zbug...well, she needs to work on learning to like it.  we'll get there.  it takes time.

But in the meantime, we carry on carrying on.

Monday, January 04, 2016

Last Summer's alternative

So, during the last two years where I didn't blog, for whatever reasons there were, we did stuff.

Last summer Joe and I got the news that Bub doesn't qualify for ESY (extended school year).  We were kinda expecting that tho, since the year before he BARELY qualified for it.

Being a forward thinker, I took advantage of a program at my job for discounted season passes for the local amusement park.

In a lot of ways, moving to Hot Springs was a really good move for us, we have TONS of touristy-type activities around, we're only an 30-60min drive from "big city stuff",  but we have yet to really explore and become part of it all.  We try, we just get so damn tired.  The thorn of waiting until you're 30 to have kids....

Anyhow, we did A LOT of time last summer at Magic Springs, Bub loved the rides best.  Bug loved the waterpark (splash island) best.








(note- I avoided all pictures of me in swimming gear...Muahhahahahaha, victory is mine!)

Bug is very heartbroken that the "musement park" isn't open past Nov. 1st.    Bub brings out the magic springs commemorative water-bottle-thingies and asks us "go?"  so he must be pretty sad about it too.

Both are looking forward to the opening on Memorial day.  I stopped at the HR office at work a week before Christmas to ask about getting tickets for next year, the sales rep from the park hadn't been in yet.  I am anxiously waiting for them to get in.  It makes summer so much better when we have something to do and the kids don't just sit around all day while I'm at work or sleeping.

yeah, gotta keep checkin' on that.

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Prolly the suckiest Christmas break for my kids.

It really started in late October.  Zbug got sick at a pep-rally.  She got her picture in the paper (ok- it was tiny and in the corner...but you can see her...in color...I saved it...)



It turned into atypical pneumonia.  She gave it to me.  We got better...sorta.  then she got another bug right before Christmas, gave it to her grandmother, cousin and aunt.  then she started to get better and somehow gave it to her brother.  Then she got sickly again and gave it to me and Joe.

Joe has a sore throat and is losing his voice.

I have a sore throat, and I think I perforated my right eardrum.  Depending who is at work tomorrow, I'm going to have one of my friends look at it.  Lol, nurses, the ultimate health DIY-ers.

As a result, since we got home from Joe's parents...we have done nothing.  Joe and I take turns being in bed half-asleep.  the kids are going stir crazy.

I had visions of playing with Bub's croquet set in the backyard every day, reading books with the kids and going to the science museum.

Instead, I managed to clean the kitchen and vacuum yesterday.  that was our excitement of the day, being chased by the vacuum cleaner.

Today, Zbug put a bunch of purple lego squares in a shopkins basket and told me it was her baby bee sleeping.

...  no words...

Monday, December 28, 2015

make me some soup?

So, I just finished my 4 day stretch.  It was a hard one.  Singing a Christmas carol as a goodbye.

Sometimes my hard little nurse heart breaks for them.

I'm sickly and having a hard time sleeping.  Since no one cooks for me and I wanted soup, it's cooking right now.  It's kinda a stone soup kinda thing with what I have around.  ham, barley, potato, celery, carrot, onion, dill, a can of beans.

no idea if it will be good.  I just want soup that is not from a can.  

and x2 benadryl.

nubs


Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Early Christmas

Got back from Joe's parents today.  I actually unpacked and did laundry.

Usually that takes about 2 weeks to do.  yeah, I typically suck at that, but am trying to improve.

I work 12hr shifts the next four days, that's why we had early Christmas on Sunday.  I try to like holidays, but I don't like most of them.  I do them for the sake of others around me...and because it is not socially acceptable to not do holiday stuff.  I am kinda glad my job makes me work most holidays.  Then I can not do things and people feel bad for me, instead of wondering why I'm *insert bad word of choice*

My kids love Christmas.  I do it.
This is one of the few pictures I found with me smiling in them.  PFFFT!

I actually got out some Christmas cards this year.  Joe thinks the last time I got them out...as in dropped off in a post box was 2009.  I think he is right.

So Bub gained A LOT of weight when we moved here 2.5 years ago and for the past year we have been modifying his special diet in an effort to maintain his current weight- NOT to necessarily loose weight.  but he did end up losing about 10lbs.  and he grew.  however, we were still slated to go to a weight management clinic for children in Little Rock last week.  *puff*

They didn't have anything new for me to do...well, they told me to lay off the eggs for Bub b/c his cholesterol is a high normal.  I think I have read research that now indicates cholesterol from eggs as a dietary source of cholesterol does not increase cholesterol levels.  I will find my friend Donny at work in the next few weeks.  He is a dietitian and very helpful, but he works days, and I am now- it seems- permanently fixed on nite shift.  When he leaves his daily crossword in the break room after his shift, I find it and finish for him....and leave it in his box with a smiley.  :) I also get great gardening advice from him.  I sometime end up staying late after my shift to finish charting, so one of these days our paths will cross again.
Digression- yeah, the MD, Pediatric Nurse, and Pediatric Dietitian had nothing of real substance for me.  Bub overall was well mannered, the Nurse didn't think I'd be able to get Bub to participate on some of the equipment they used for testing BMI etc.  Momma can get bub to taste foods that touch- Momma can get Bub to co-operate when I really need him to.  We're still going to go back in June, bc I do want to see if we are making progress.

They do want him to be more active, his muscle mass percentage is low.  Bub has this thing see....he cocoons himself under his blankets and watches one show on his TV and another show on his Ipad.
Since he is still very much entranced by Alice in Wonderland(non-Disney/non-Depp) I got him a croquet set for Christmas.  I will introduce it by watching the croquet scene, then going outside and having him help me set it up.

I am not sure if I will attempt to teach him the rules right away, part of me just wants him to want to play...the other part knows, however he first plays, will then be the only way he plays.  I better teach him the rules straight up.  Zbug is very rules oriented right now, (even if she doesn't want them applied to her)  She will most likely help me re-enforce how to play with the Bub.

And so it goes.


Thursday, December 17, 2015

creepy Darth Vader did not captivate after all

Sometimes I don't even realize it still hits me.  I find myself just going off about Bub's autism to people I hardly know?  WHO DOES THIS?  (other than me) 

I'm just sitting in Zbug's ballet class, and there is another mom there and a grandmother, and I don't even know how, but I'm talking about Bub and autism.  again.  discussing his diagnosis, discussing how it impacts Zbug, how it impacts our family, how we can't find a babysitter, on and on.  Thank God Patty called us in for the kiddo's party and I stopped.  WTH?  I don't do that anymore.

Maybe I'm just raw right now.


After several attempts, me n Zbug snuggled down to watch Star Wars today. She had seen a poster of Darth Vader at the grocery store and wanted to know who "that creepy guy" was.  We agreed to watch the movie together in case it was too scary for her (her idea).  We didn't even get to the part where they rescue Leia.  She kept bouncing around in the bed, asking questions that had nothing to do with the movie...basically driving me nuts.

Here's the thing with me and movies.  If I actually sit down and watch a movie...don't talk.  leave me alone to be mesmerized by the story.  Bug is very much like her grandmother, if the movie doesn't instantly captivate her, (like "Adventures in LaLa Loopsey Land")  she will bounce around and talk to you.  Even though I have watched star wars many many many times, it was still really annoying how she was bouncing all over me.  I had fallen asleep and her bouncing woke me up= crabby.
So we switched to watching classic Electric Company on youtube.  She fell asleep.  I fell asleep for an hour and woke up for no reason.  I do like that she likes watching classic Electric Company with me.   We sing the cheesy songs about word sounds and punctuation.  She likes the "I wish I didn't have to wash" song.  She now knows "SH" makes a shushing sound.  :)

Fell asleep for another hour about an hour ago, and again, woke up for no reason.

Bub is up, he got out of bed about a half hour ago bringing me the Ipad and saying "paaaad, deaaaaaad?"  I told him to go back to bed, he heard me get up and came out to investigate.  He is now downstairs playing lego break-y break-y.  (he says that while breaking his creations).  eventually I will have to make him go back to bed. But right now, I don't want that fight yet.




Monday, December 14, 2015

Birthday

Today is my sister's birthday.  I haven't talked to her since July when I let her know our cousin died.  It was an awkward conversation.  When I tried to call her again to let her know the details, I went straight to voice mail.  Every call since then has gone to voice mail.  None of my emails have been answered.  I have no idea how she is, or my brother-in-law, or my two nieces.

I spent the last two weeks trying to shop for something for her birthday, but everything I saw that I thought would be cute or useful, I kept thinking, "no, she'll find this aspect of it inappropriate"  or  "she doesn't allow images of *insert random animal/picture* in her home b/c *random ideation*".  So now I'm sitting here on her birthday not knowing what to do.

My uncle called me a few weeks ago asking what I thought would happen if he just showed up on her doorstep for Thanksgiving.  I felt like an eight-ball..."outcome does not look good"  But really, what else is there to conclude?

I watch my friends and their older sisters,  it doesn't seem like it has to be this terrible, but it is.  It mostly has been my whole life.  There have been brief periods when things between us were good, but one or the other of us said or did something stupid and it all crashed down again.  I like to think I didn't do the stupid things mostly, but I'm sure she thinks the same thing. 

This whole thing is really depressing me.  I didn't really get into Thanksgiving this year, and I'm not into Christmas at all.  I keep seeing commercials of families together, re-creating pictures from childhood.  I just start crying.  I found a family picture of all of us together from my wedding 15 years ago.  That is the last time we were all together.  I don't think we ever will be again.  I don't think I will ever have another family picture with the 5 of us.  I'm crying about it as I write. 

It's like she's already dead, but she's not.  But her absence is like she is.  It's like I'm already grieving for her even though she is still alive.  But it's like she isn't. 

I don't think I'm going to call after all.  My heart can only take so much breaking right now.


Wednesday, December 09, 2015

How to write a damn "S"

Today I took my Zbug to her ballet class.  She fell down on her elbow.  Not sure how.  Then we had some shopping to do, my mistake was to take her to Books A Million.  She isn't reading well yet, BUT she likes books....and she discovered they carry Shop-kins.  And DarthVader, she is not entirely sure who he is, but she likes how he looks scary.

Anyway, we had to buy some stuff for Christmas cookies.  Last year I made the mistake of making Christmas cookies for my unit party.  They will not let me make anything else now.  While shopping we talked about family and Christmas, and I let Bug know her cousin-K broke her ankle (?) yesterday.  Bug was heartbroken and I suggested she makes her cousin a card.  Z is very into making cards right now, Grandma-Minnesota's birthday was last week and we made a card, so while I am making cookies she breaks into my stamp and ink collection from pre-child existence:

????

I helped her spell the inside message:


So here is my issue of the day.  I have much less patience with Zbug's learning curve than I do with Bub's.  I don't know why.  It really makes me sad. I try really REALLY hard to not let Zbug feel she is put second to Bub because of his autism, and lately our management of Bub's behavior with medications and behavioral reinforcements has really been good.  It's been well over 6 months since his last major meltdown, he's using the bathroom as it is INTENDED to be used, and once we switched brands of toilet paper, he has not been flooding the toilet, he's been great, and trying to verbalize more since he got his communication assistance device (CAD).  But I watch Bug make a "S" backwards and my blood-pressure goes up.  I show her again, telling her it's like a "c" on top of a backwards "c".  she makes a "3"  and giggles. 
Then she asks me questions she knows what the answer is.  And she tells me "it's too hard to do all by myself" in reference to picking up ONE piece of trash. 
And then she tells me I'm "Blue-tiful"  and "i love you too much to not miss you when you are at work"  and she does her little ballerina walk.  and I breathe, and show her how to write a damn "s" one more time.




Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Ongoing as always

Today I got a call from my daughter's MD's office.  She lad a CBC and CMP done about 2 weeks ago when she came down with pneumonia (which of course she had to share with me).  Her T4 is 13.5

We have to do a Thyroid panel now. 

This would explain many things unless it is elevated from the bacterial infection, which it could be, but her white count was normal. 

 So, bully us.  I take her for labs tomorrow afternoon.  We talked about the lab draw today on the way to ballet class.  Zbug says "I am afraid of the dark and IVs"  I reminded her it's only a lab draw, not an IV.  She calls it a shot.  She can point out what veins are good- lol.  She likes to pretend she gives me shots.  I have to show her the correct place on the arm cuz she'd get me on my wrist- that would be painful.

We finally got word from PRC that Bub's augmentive communication device should be here in 2-3 weeks.

I started the process of getting this thing on Dec 10th of last year.  I bet a bent penny we will get it on Dec 10th (a Thursday).

Both kiddos have glasses now.


(Imagine pictures of my kids until either Chrome lets me access google sites or Explorer lets me upload images)

I am back to working Nights again.

Yeah, it keeps going that way.


Sunday, June 30, 2013

what the....? and quick update

Who are all of you that keep looking at my blog even when I post nothing since March?  y'all must love me or I've got a heck of a lot of stalkers, lol

Well!  lots has changed since last post.  We bought a house and moved to AR.  I now work in a med-surg floor and am having my butt kicked like never before.

Zbug has almost stopped asking when we are going home and accepting we are NOW home.
Bub still poops and pees on the floor....but it's getting less frequent.
Joe has a yard to mow and a TON of house-hold fixer-uppers to do, and is glorying in dreaming about all the things he wants to do to make the house "awesome".

I found us a church, and since I'm now working days, I get to go to church!  yayee!  I go to the early service by myself-which is good, cuz I'm the only one that likes the traditional lyrical service, and then we all go to the contemporary service.  we make it about 10-15 min before me and the kids hit the nursery/childrens' church, so Joe gets a chance to worship in a setting he likes much better.  Joe will put up with the "Lutheran Aerobics" when I ask him to, but he much prefers not to.  ;D

Bub will be starting School again mid August.  Joe is anxiously counting down the days.  Rowan is slowly losing some of the weight he gain before the move, d/t Joe making him help mow the backyard and Bub just runs the stairs up and down to his room and back to the kitchen.  we'll get him there.  both Joe and I are sheding a few pounds...but just a little so far.  ha!  Zbug does NOT need to lose weight, she is SO tiny!  

will post pictures soon, Joe says he's going to build me a tardis mailbox.  I can't wait to paint it!!!!

NUBS!!!!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

assault by enema

it's always surprising to see my stats...as in, who the hell are these random people who read my crap, esp since I haven't posted for months d/t anxiety and a mini-depressive-like-state.  anyway....

I had a thought the other day, and as I have too many easily offended "friends" on FB to post thoughts uncensored, I'm posting it here instead.  that way I won't know who I offended and get mad when they unfriend me but then pretend to be my friend in real life.... yeahhhh

So part of my issues lately stems from the crappy health ins my employer offers, if I don't get a required membership to their owned health club and if I don't work-out a min of 20 min x24times in a quarter, my health ins premiums will double.  f-you to my employer first of all...but I'm not here to rant about that, just to set this thought up in context...

So I'm on my 17th session last week (I have until the 31st to get this shit done) it's right after I finished a shift at my PRN job (oh yeah, need another F-you to my employer for getting my hours so cut d/t low census that I have to work full-time hours at my PRN job), so I've been awake at least 18hr by now...and I'm at the effin gym, that I prolly haven't worked enough hours this pay-period to pay for my membership dues on my next check (F-you again).  I am walking slowly on the indoor track, bc if I'm being forced to do this, you can't force me to break a sweat...there is no clause that I have to do that, just that I am "working out"...my interpretation of that is from my 2nd grade teacher Mr. Johnson..."it doesn't matter what you do, or how much, just keep moving"   So I am moving, at my pace, for the required 20 min.  well guess what.  there is a group of about 20 effers running around the track being led by some perky little 70lb twit who is screaming "motavational" comments to keep them running.  and they nearly knock me over even tho I am in the dedicated "WALKING" portion of the track.

I cannot help but think how much I really hate most personal trainers, esp the ones to are shouty and insulting to make you mad so you keep going.  and then when you achieve your goal, you're so happy you "love" them and "thankful" for their version of "encouragement"  no.  not this little girl....

If that twit started shouting at me, I swear, I was ready to punch her in the throat and perform "assault by enema"  how awesome would that be?  I need a bumper sticker that says

"Piss me off, and I'll assault you with an enema so hard, it will come out both ends"

that was what got me thru that, that and walking even slower in the middle of my lane with my arms akimbo (peter pan style)

Nub

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Wake up!

This is Zbugs favorite thing to say.  my heart is very relieved that she is verbalizing more and more, and is not just repeating what we say.  She's not on sentences yet, but she is starting original phrases.  Like today, when Joe took something away from her that she wasn't supposed to have, she said, "Daddy mean" while sniveling to me. 

She snivels.  to me, in corners, she puts herself in a cupboard and snivels.  I have to find a way to help her stop sniveling.  She's a very determined little girl, she is starting to be picky about what she wears and esp. what she eats...which is frustrating to me since Bub has major food issues.  One day she loves something and will not stop eating it, and 2 days later she will wrinkle her nose at it.  Yes she literally wrinkles her little nose.  It's hilarious...and I can't laugh while she does it.   But I want to.

Bub is currently obsessed with playing with water in the sink, pouring it into a container, then pouring from one container to another, like a mad scientist stereotype. it doesn't help that he giggles like mad while he is doing this.  after flooding our bathroom floor many times, we have limited him to the kitchen sink where we can at least keep an eye on him and avoid a floor flooding.  I would like this obsession to end, and of course it won't.

Bub continues to verbalize, he's getting better with answering yes/no questions.  He continues to say the first sound of words.  Joe and I are getting better at translation.  Today he hugged a random old man at church.  He doesn't do that.  I think the old man was put off by it.  what can I do?  he did good by being outgoing, he did bad by hugging someone inappropriate...how do I teach in this moment?  yayee me.

here are some recent pictures...I am trying to be better about all this, but you know..I'm not really....





Thursday, September 27, 2012

off-label use of prescriptives

I've joined a new group on FB for parents and care-providers for children w/ autism.  One of the current threads I've been following and commenting on concerns a person who's child was prescribed a drug that is approved for children w/ autism, but the child is under the guideline age/weight, and the purpose of the script is off-label (fyi- that means the use of the drug for that purpose has not been officially studied, nor is it approved for that use by the FDA)

my big beef is that I get really tee-d off by drug companies using desperate parents who PAY THE DRUG COMPANY to basically be experimental subjects.  Then these same drug companies turn around and say their pre-release research is soooo expensive that they HAVE to have a monopoly on the drug for 7 years and force people to pay up the wahzoo during those 7 years.  and the clincher?  those 7 years are also used for research where you, the consumer, are paying the drug company to be a research subject.

What's happening during those 7 years?  they are starting the Long term results of extended use of the drug.  this is WHY we get drug recalls, and law suits against drug companies because of unforseen drug effects in the general population. 

It is the stupidest thing.  unless I am dying, I will NEVER take a drug that does not have a generic version. 

and now for my vaccine gripe- this is why my kids will NOT EVER get flu shots, H2N2 shots, or the stupid new HPV vaccine shots.  MAYBE when they are older, I may let them get a meningitis shot, but I'm still deciding on that one.  it's the same reason.  these companies RACE to get FDA approval, but they all have little if ANY (H2N2 specifically) research done on them. and Flu shots are hit or miss.  they literally guess which strain will be most virulent and make it for that, but there is really no knowing which strain of flu will be most pervasive in any flu season... I really believe unless you have other complications or are at a high risk of infection/respiratory problems, you should ignore the hype.  Healthy individuals are very likely able to fight most viral infections well. 

I get so mad at how backward this all is.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

sept 18, 2004

8 years ago, I was trying to sleep and not think about how I couldn't eat or drink anything.  Also savoring the last few kicks I would feel from the inside, knowing that all future kicks would be from the outside, and not very pleasant.  (I was right).

Love you Bub.  Happy Birthday.





Since I work on his birthday, we took him out to dinner Monday, to a chinese buffet, bc he LOVES picking out his own food himself.

I can't believe how well he does at it now.  I don't have to worry (as much) about him running off, grabbing food w/ his hands, or having a melt-down in public anymore (well- VERY rarely).  It helps that we go to these kinds of places around 4pm, and the only people there besides ourselves are some elderly people (really).  He of course chose chicken nuggets, french fries, fried shrimp, and jello.  I tried to interest him in some fruit, but that was a no go.  I don't really blame him, the fruit looked terrible, but I felt I had to do my "mom duty" and at least try to get him to eat something vaguely healthy.  lol  Also offered corn, and he pushed the spoon away and actually said "no".  How can I force him to eat it after he actually verbalized?

He behaved very well, did not play w/ the window blinds, or try to pour out all the salt on the table (the typical offenses).  His little sister however was awfully naughty during dinner, but then again, what 2 y/o can resist being naughty in public when there is such an audience to perform for?

My mom sent a birthday package that was waiting for us once we got home.  I let Bub open it all by himself, and he really liked what he found inside.  Zbug liked her unbirthday presents as well.  Before we had left for dinner, I had Bub get on the phone to my parents and "count" to ten for them.  So it was an early "thank you" call. 

Still planning a little party for him at the end of the month.  trying to come up w/ ideas.  I'm planning on sending some home-made gfcf "kettle corn" pop-corn to school as a treat for the class.  Bub is still cf, and his favorite friend is gf, so I guess I am destined to keep up the gf skills as well.  :) 

Nubs

Saturday, September 01, 2012

There is no such thing as being open-minded

Lately, I've been seeing a lot of my friends on FB posting to their wall things like:

I'm tired of seeing  political/humanitarian/ethical statements/propaganda/bullsh*t/etc... opposite of my beliefs, so if you start posting things I disagree with/find offensive/are opposite to my viewpoint/etc...  I'm going to unfriend you/hide you/cast voodoo curses on you/ etc...

I rarely spout on about my political/religious/ethical points on FB, I leave that for my blog and for actual conversations.  But I read these huffy statements and wonder:

Would you rather have me lie?  Would you rather have me deny my strongly held beliefs?  What would you think if I came out and expected you to change everything you believe because I think you are wrong and I am right?  Isn't it better that people can think and believe what they do based on their own personal circumstances and experiences instead of being dictated into believing what you want them to think?  What would you think of me if I bent to every wind and never took a stand on anything, or just kept flopping around?  How can you be so sure you are right and I am not?  

Would you like me if you had a star on your belly and there was none on mine?  (Sorry, had to add the Dr Suess reference)

Aren't those the underlying questions such a statement begs?

My viewpoints on hot-topics are very ...unexpected (to some people, anyway).   I get misjudged a lot, people think they know what I think, but they don't know the REASONING of what I think.  Here is why:

I don't like drama, and deep down I know I have a great potential to be dramatic.  I don't like that aspect of myself.  I much prefer to consider myself cool-headed and even-tempered.  But Joe can tell you that's not true...boy can he tell you stories of that not being true.  So having come to the admission of this personality flaw, I work very hard to avoid situations where I am likely to become highly dramatic.  To avoid the worst of me from coming out, I keep my opinions to myself, unless I am asked specifically. 

So with this thought, I wonder about people that make statements like the generality of the above.  Why are they so threatened by other people's statements that they go to such extremes to avoid them, and in some cases invite them so they can do the action threatened?  And these statements are coming from people who I know consider themselves to be and claim to be open-minded.

I don't believe in the term "open-minded" anymore.  I don't see any evidence that it really exists.  Everyone has their own biases, but whether they admit to them or shout them out on the top of the mountain is really up to them.  I have yet to encounter anyone when faced with a contradictory point of view will stop and say, "that is a good point, I will have to consider that and possibly readjust my opinion"

Nope, I hear, "you're wrong"  and "I don't agree", or "that's your opinion", or "shut up moron"  or "you are a *insert derogatory slur*"

I wish people would think about that.  Isn't that what those declarations are really saying?  How will there ever be a greater understanding if that's how mankind acts as a whole?  Even more, if you are that closed-minded while claiming to be open-minded, how are you different than the person/people you are addressing?


I think about these things.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Froggie in my house

A few days ago, Joe and I -finally- got the yard mowed.  We haven't mowed it since late June.  We were going to mow it in early July, but my bout w/ kidney stones stopped that, then we were going to mow in mid-to-late july, but then my schedule didn't give us enough time to get it done and have one of us not asleep for child-duty (me), then we were going to do it in early August, but then West Nile Virus was rampant in our area (well, not super rampant, but several confirmed cases in our county), so FINALLY we got it done this week.

While mowing the meter high weeds near the back of the house, Joe discovered lots of little lizards and frogs. And being Joe, he brought one inside to show Zbug

"WTH?!?!"

"MUST ESCAPE"

"I'll get you my pretty, and your little Frog too!"
So after boinging around the house w/ Zbug in hot pursuit, I finally made Joe recapture the little Froggy and set it free.

Now, go out and eat all the ookie bugs Froggy!

Nubs

Thursday, August 23, 2012

school starts on monday

I try to sound like I'm kidding around when I talk about how excited Joe and I are about Bub going back to school on Monday so I don't sound like a terrible parent.  Then I self-depreciate myself about how I must be a terrible parent to say I'm excited to have Bub back in school.  This tactic usually gets me lots of praise about how much we do for Bub and the challenges we face.  But I don't do it for that reason.  I really do feel bad that I get so excited for Bub to be at school.  and I am happy with how much he loves the routine of school, and the experiences he has there.

But to be honest, I really look forward to the break of not having to be on point 24-7+ while he's home.  And that I think is what I really feel bad about.   I think about parents who have kids that are absolutely non-functional, children that weigh over 80lbs and have the mentality of a 3month old.  When they need a respite, people understand, and it makes ABSOLUTE sense.  and I'm absolutely jealous.
See, look at Bub: he can dress himself, feed himself, can make a few simple meals for himself if left to his own devices, can write a bit, ambulates, can use a toilet properly(when he feels like it)...in other words, he's pretty functional.  People don't really get that parents of kids like this need a break too.  We should be "fine"

And it's not like w/ normal kids, where you sweet-talk your friends to take your kids for the weekend in exchange for you taking their kids for them some other weekend.  If you ask parents who have a special-needs kid, you know how much MORE you are adding to their plate, so that's not an option.  You can't really ask a friend that has normal kids, because they have NO IDEA NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY TO EXPLAIN of what they will encounter while your child is in their care.  So that's out.  It's not really fair to beg your family either, they need breaks too.  so you have no one.  it really really sucks.  so you suck it up and hope the next week is a little better, and that there will be less poo to clean up off the floor.

or walls.


or ceiling.


I love my Bub.  I can't wait for Monday!!!!



Sunday, August 05, 2012

please?

I want homemade cookies.  But I don't want to deal with the bother of making them.

I wish Joe would make me some.  But he won't cook anymore since the pancake incident and the garlic rice episode.

He made me a cake once.   it was good.

He later confided to me that he had his mom on the phone the whole time he was making it.

I wish he would get on the phone with her again.  Sugar cookies would be nice.  with frosting....



Sigh

Friday, August 03, 2012

not luvin the stones....

Yesterday I was flat on my recliner with a heating pad to my lower back all day, except when I threw up d/t excessive pain.  yeah, that was tasty.  Bub stayed up all night, despite the nightlight and Ipad.  Momma took the Ipad away around 2 or 3, followed by much screaming and kicking of the wall.  FYI, yesterday was exactly a month from when the 1st episode hit.

today I had a "revenge of the stone" that lasted about 2 hours.  I pulled out my nursing book to reacquaint myself to the nursing interventions of kidney stones...pediatrics doesn't see too much of them, oddly enough....*sarcasms*

basically, I need to:
  • capture some stones, which I have thusly been unsuccessful at
  • drink 3+L fluid daily (hard to achieve when I am at work)
  • start a food journal to look for triggers
  • Food:
    • take 1-2 grams Vitamin C daily
    • prolly should eat less meat
    • Prolly should cut calcium, but I barely ingest ANY calcium, around 6 oz soy milk daily, and some cheese every couple of days, rarely eat broccoli, never eat Kale or Chard or bitter crap like that....
    • prolly should avoid chocolate (!!!!!!)  *boohoohooo*
    • prolly should avoid coffee 
    • might need to avoid whole grains  (
  • I need to make an effort to pee every 3-4 hours (again hard to do at work)
(side story:  there are days (nights) while I am at work where everything is so crazy-busy I don't make it to the bathroom at all (that means 12-14 hours).  I am not the only nurse this happens to. PLEASE be kind to your nurse, we need an opportunity to pee too.)

Check out this lovely fact about kidney stones:
"The pain associated with ureteral spasm is excruciating and may cause the client to go into shock from stimulation of nearby sympathetic nerves"
Medical-Surgical Nursing 5th edition, Ignatavicius & Workman p. 1697
well, Bob's yer uncle.  one more thing to worry about..

Today during the few hours of wakefulness before and after the 2nd stone passed, zbug was on me like glue.  would not leave my side for anything, even Daddy offering her oreos.  I feel so guilty.  I'm at work 3-4 nights a week, w/ the days spent sleeping, then I get this and am cloistered in my room from pain, and that's another 2 days she doesn't see me.  even Bub is missing me, and being clingy while I'm around.  poor Joe looks like wall hit him, and the house like a tornado hit.  my MIL thinks I need to see a urologist, but until I get some stones, there really isn't anything to do except what I listed above.

things I'm pretty sure trigger a stone:  coffee & meat.

apparently I am getting the message that I need to become a semi-vegetarian....and a tea drinker.  How's that for irony....

Joe isn't going to be happy about a reduction of meat consumption in our home.  :(
neither will Bub be pleased since the only vegetables he will consistently eat are frozen peas and frozen corn while they are still frozen, and a raw carrot if he gets to peel it.

So I'm pretty depressed by all this.   but on a happy thought (ok I'm stretching it here):  I get stressed and make a human version of a pearl?!?!  lol!




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