time for medication?

Ok- I'm putting it out there.
Joe & I have been seriously talking about doing some trials of medications for Bub's behaviors.  For the past 3 months be has begun behaviors of self-abuse, and aggression towards others, mainly towards Joe and I, and started tantruming again..  The realistic part of me and the clinical part of me know that once a behavior begins, it is likely to continue despite my wishing it wouldn't.  This is sucky.  I really hoped medication would not be in my vocabulary for my Bub.  I really was hoping non-pharmaceutical interventions would be enough.  unfortunately, I am rethinking this position.  boo.

I got a call from Bub's Occupational Therapist today.  We have been talking w/ him lately about Bub's progress.  well, really it's been a lack of progress for the past 90 days.  At least he hasn't been regressing...I'd be crying my eyes out over that.  So we are taking a 6 mo break from OT starting today.  He'll still be getting OT at school, and since he qualifies for Extended School Year (ESY) and it is one-on-one unlike his school supplied Speech Therapy which is a group setting; he'll be getting it thru school during this time.
     But I'm pretty depressed about taking a break.  I mean, yes, it's that much more money we'll be saving because therapy is %*&@#! expensive even WITH insurance.  Let's just say I could easily spend half my monthy salary on Bub's therapy.  But it's not about the money, it's about what is best for Bub.  If he is getting more frustration from OT than success/help, then it is better to take a pause and let him mature.  It's just kinda heart-breaking, you know?
     And then I worry about the hassle I'm going to have to go thru to get him back into therapy after 6 months.  I'll have to get a new script from his pediatrician, which will probably include a yearly physical and the yearly lecture on how the CDC recommends Bub having these particular vaccines at this particular time.  Yeah, I know ALL about the CDC.  the CDC can bite me cuz here in Texas, -I- can decide what vaccines my kids get and when, thanks to my philosophical exemption that I keep up to date.  If you don't like it, I will take my medical business elsewhere. 
     So after I deal w/ his pediatrician and the yearly vaccine lecture....then I will have to tackle my insurance co to make sure they will cover it...the whole proverbial, "you stopped doing it, so why start back again?  Is this REALLY medically necessary".  are you serious?!!???!
     Then after that, I will have to have Bub have another OT assessment to find his baseline and then find out what his goals are and then hope he starts making progress again. Bub does not deal well with testing environments....yayee me.

So I'm thinking this might be a good time to start the discussion w/ his pediatrician about meds.  I know risperidone and seroquel can be very helpful.  I have seen them in action on other kids.  I'm also reading up on Abilify which has recently been approved for kids with autism.  Out of the three, Abilify seems to have the least scary side-effects.

This is a crappy situation to be in, and a crappy thing to think about, and a crappy thing to live.  I'm feeling pretty crappy if you haven't guessed.

Nubs