Monday, January 15, 2007

Beware the "dead sea products people"

This is actually a post I wanted to do pre-Christmas, but didn't get the chance with life being the way it now I will document my sage expressions to my husband that neither of us pay attention to until it is FAR too late. (get that? I don't even listen to typical is that???)

Here are the Dead sea people:

Now back in late November or EARLY December, I took Bub to the mall here in town, because I was CONVINCED that there was a child-play area like there is at Rosedale mall back up in the winter-state. So me & Mr. Man tromp ALL over this mall (not that it's that big, but you get the gist) and can find no child-play area.

By now, I am irritable (I realized I was mixing up the Many & Numerous locales I have lived in since turning 21) and irritable Muppethead is not always as patient as she knows she should be. Irritable Muppethead is not as glib either. Plus Irritable Muppethead knows Mr. Man is watching her interactions with other people so Muppethead has to "suck it up" and act like she isn't .

So I put on the permasmile- (I learned this contortion of facial muscles in my HS years while working lunch rushes at Arby's which had the drive-thru on the wrong side...I would be rich if I had gotten tuppence for every time SOMEONE said the equivalent of, "who is the ^%$# jerk who designed this &$backward drive-thru". but I digress...) pulled out the quarters and had Bub go on the "rides". the merry-go-round one was ok...but really, they were sadder than normal. Then we go to the cookie store & buy a cookie to share at the food court along with a rootbeer.
I am tired of smiling at this point & decide that 2 hours in a mall is quite enough thank you, so I decide our outing is over and time to go home. the store we are parked in front of has some Kioskes in front of it....Yes this is the part of the story where I start talking about the "dead sea product people"

I am accosted by 2 groups of "dead sea product people", one group wants to sell me hand lotion & stuff, the other wants me to let Bub play with their toys so I can try the hand lotion & stuff at the other booth. I am still being "nice" & say no....not now, I have a tired little boy. They try again so I pull out the "baby has a dirty diaper- I have to go!" routine, which technically was true because he was wet, but he would have been fine for a few more minutes. We are now free & make a run for it thru Dillards.

So after this experience with the relentless nature of the "dead sea product people", Joe & I take Bub to the mall a week or two later to get something (I really don't remember what is was) at night. before we get into the mall, I tell Joe, "don't let the 'dead sea product people' get us". Joe has no clue what I am talking about & makes me relate the above story. Now Joe is laughing at me & bub is impatient to get out of the baby-seat in the back. so we get in the mall, do what we had to do & then it happens....we walk past the "dead sea product people". They have pulled out the stops being just before Christmas & have all sorts of shiney exciting toys out to lure the unwitting. There is a flying thingy with lights that Mr. Man is mesmerized by. we stopped to let him look at it (stupid stupid stupid!) and they dug their claws into us. they are getting Joe to try the remote toys & getting Mr. man to laugh & smile & chase the truck. Joe is loving the hi-tech-ness of these products & gives me the "we should get this" look. bub is chasing the truck all over the place obviously having a delirously good time.

Now, I am still holding back at this point, being wary of the "dead sea product people" they sense my hesitation like a shark senses blood in the water & POUNCE on me pulling Joe into the fray... "for you I giving special boss, he tell me no to give discount, but I like to giving discount to happy beautiful families" (hello, I am a sucker for people who say nice things about my family) so I sigh while looking at my husband & son. Joe pipes up with "it's Christmas honey- bub loves this...can you just imagine how cool it will be in the back yard in summer?" I sigh again & they go for the kill. We bought them. They are cool. they tried to get me to buy hand lotion too with extra special discount. I flat out said "NO"!

We get back to the car, I say, "I told you to keep away from the 'dead sea product people'." Joe didn't realize that's who they were & we ended up laughing all the way home.

I have yet to go back to the mall. I just know they will foist that hand lotion at me.

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