Wednesday, March 13, 2013

assault by enema

it's always surprising to see my in, who the hell are these random people who read my crap, esp since I haven't posted for months d/t anxiety and a mini-depressive-like-state.  anyway....

I had a thought the other day, and as I have too many easily offended "friends" on FB to post thoughts uncensored, I'm posting it here instead.  that way I won't know who I offended and get mad when they unfriend me but then pretend to be my friend in real life.... yeahhhh

So part of my issues lately stems from the crappy health ins my employer offers, if I don't get a required membership to their owned health club and if I don't work-out a min of 20 min x24times in a quarter, my health ins premiums will double.  f-you to my employer first of all...but I'm not here to rant about that, just to set this thought up in context...

So I'm on my 17th session last week (I have until the 31st to get this shit done) it's right after I finished a shift at my PRN job (oh yeah, need another F-you to my employer for getting my hours so cut d/t low census that I have to work full-time hours at my PRN job), so I've been awake at least 18hr by now...and I'm at the effin gym, that I prolly haven't worked enough hours this pay-period to pay for my membership dues on my next check (F-you again).  I am walking slowly on the indoor track, bc if I'm being forced to do this, you can't force me to break a sweat...there is no clause that I have to do that, just that I am "working out" interpretation of that is from my 2nd grade teacher Mr. Johnson..."it doesn't matter what you do, or how much, just keep moving"   So I am moving, at my pace, for the required 20 min.  well guess what.  there is a group of about 20 effers running around the track being led by some perky little 70lb twit who is screaming "motavational" comments to keep them running.  and they nearly knock me over even tho I am in the dedicated "WALKING" portion of the track.

I cannot help but think how much I really hate most personal trainers, esp the ones to are shouty and insulting to make you mad so you keep going.  and then when you achieve your goal, you're so happy you "love" them and "thankful" for their version of "encouragement"  no.  not this little girl....

If that twit started shouting at me, I swear, I was ready to punch her in the throat and perform "assault by enema"  how awesome would that be?  I need a bumper sticker that says

"Piss me off, and I'll assault you with an enema so hard, it will come out both ends"

that was what got me thru that, that and walking even slower in the middle of my lane with my arms akimbo (peter pan style)


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