Monday, October 31, 2011

Good day w/ a brief bad interlude..

Today was my 1st day at my new lots of orientation and sitting around getting lectured to...about stuff I really do need to know...but will never be able to entirely retain. 

Joe and I decided to go out to dinner WITH the kiddos...I really didn't feel up to cooking, and heck, we "needed" to celebrate my new job.  Plus since we don't do halloween, we wanted to do some kind of alternative for the kids...even tho Bub is oblivious to holidays except Christmas, and Z is still learning the whole holiday thing.  Plus I found 2 free kids meal vouchers for Texas Roadhouse that I won YEARS ago in a March of Dimes hey- kids eat free...I don't cook...we're all winners!

Unfortunately just before we go, Bub had some issues...having to rush out right after getting home from school to pick me up disrupted Bub's schedule of Mondays enough to have some sensory and emotional challenges.  Bub was getting a little too grabby of Zber to Joe's level of tolerance (I was in the shower), so after a few failed attempts to get Bub to stop, Joe picked him up and carried him to his room to have a cool-down talk about respecting other's space.  Bub got upset and head-butted Joe...not really hard, but he hit Joe's glasses in such a way that the glasses gauged a chunk of flesh off Joe's upper left eyebrow!  Bub ended up hurting the side of his head in this and both Daddy and Son were making lots of "Angry Bird" kinds of noises.

Fortunately, we were able to calm Bub down and maybe this time got it thru his head that he's a big boy now and can't just go around bonking people in the head when he gets mad and impatient. *hope hope hope*

After everyone was patch up (Joe's so lucky I love doing wound care...) we went to Texas Roadhouse, our server was awesome.  we typically don't get good service when we go out with the kids, we typically get rushed out and not a whole lot of understanding about special needs and restricted diets.  She was so helpful, I think we have found our new "family" restaurant (even tho we can only really afford going out 1 time a month typically). 

Now the kiddo's have full bellies and are settling down for bed, and I have a little time to myself before I go to bed. Yayee  for mostly good days  :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Phone conversations w/ my Hubby while I'm at work

Me- Hi hon, how are you?
Joe- I'm ok now.
Me- How are the kids?
Joe- we're not talking about that.
Me- Oh sh*t, what did Bub do?
Joe- not talking about it.
Me- you need to tell me what he did.
Joe- Well, he wouldn't listen to anything I would tell him, Zber managed to pull off her pants and diaper in her crib and everything was wet and he kept sneaking in to jump on the bed while I was trying to clean her up-
Me- what?  didn't you put zber in a zip-up jammy?
Joe- no, I just used the dora ones from last night.
Me- but you know she did the same thing last nite...
Joe- I just grabbed it cuz it was there.
Me- what next.
Joe- I made him take a time-out in his room, and when I came back his pants were off and there was a streak of poo across the whole room.
Me- so he had a defiant poo.
Joe- yep.
Me- I'm sorry babe.
Joe- me too.

Ten years ago, I would have never believed this was my, this is my "normal"

be kind to parents w/ special needs kids.  :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

why I will never believe humans as a whole are "good"

I subscribe to the notion that there is no such thing as a "good" person.  I believe we are all hateful mean selfish beings at heart who would act on those base emotions if we could only determine how to not get in trouble for it.  the only good thing about people is that most have a higher level of "not wanting to get into trouble" than those that don't care about others and act on their baser feelings.

One of the blogs I follow posted this today.  (Cheeseblarg)

She worked really hard to live a dream, and then got screwed by some random nobody.  It made me cry.

Having recently just gone thru a week of having only $40 left in my possession due to a crappy person not doing their job at my almost ex-job (last day is 10/29), I greatly empathize with her emotional state.

I'm sorry that happened to you JRose...I'm sorry people suck.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

SEE!!!! THIS is why I fear becoming a hoarder!!!!!

So two weeks ago while Bub was doing his horseback riding therapy, I was talking w/ one of the other moms there.  We were bemoaning how quickly the boys were growing and how people stop giving you hand-me-downs around 5 y/o.  Bub is older and considerably bigger than her boy, so I offered to give her some of his size 6 pants that he recently out-grew...not realizing I gave a bunch of them away already to my friend Crystal,  but not to freak home-organizational skills are so crappy, I was sure I'd find some more if I really looked around.  Sadly...I was right.

You see, this week has been really odd for us.  I have 1 shift left at my job before I change to PRN and start my new job on Monday, so It's kinda been like a "crap!  clean and organize the house NOW cuz it will prolly be MONTHS before I have this much time off again!!!!"  kind of week.  I've got the kitchen nearly completely scrubbed down.  Joe deep-cleaned the bathroom yesterday, and Bub's room today...I'm working on Bub's non-functional closet (mainly because we keep it locked so Bub can't poo on the floor in there....)  and my closet, so I find all these bags and boxes of clothes and start sorting.
2 small bags of baby boy clothes 3mo-1 y/o for a friend
2 small bags of size 6 boys pants/shorts for my horse-therapy-mom friend
2 HUGE bags of baby girl clothes 3mo-1yr  (goodwill unless I get a ref to someone nearby that needs/wants it)
1 HUGE bag of boy clothes 4T-6T

Sadly...I really haven't been keeping up w/ the kids clothes...Bub is nearly a size eight and I'm just clearing out the last of his size 4T stuff.  Tho, he did go from a size 5 last March to a nearly 8 this I should get a little credit??  oh well.  Z is over 18 months, but still is too small for most of her 2T I had to find that box and make sure it's ready for when she needs it.  I have a ton of clothes for her until she hits 5T, so I have to start hitting the walmart clearance racks for those sizes.  lol!  I got her Christmas dress for this year last May for a dollar.  I am so bad. 

And to make today even more fun, I verified when my insurance will end...before Bub can get a refill on his Risperidone.  I spent some time looking up the cost w/o insurance.  It's nearly $300 for a 30 supply.  BUT that's for the meltaways.  I can get the normal tabs for around $20 for 30 now we have to find out: Will bub take them?  I think he will as they are so SMALL....but I think I can get him to if I bribe him with candy afterwards....maybe...  At least I am crafty and even thought ahead and planned for this outcome.   

Due to this 2 month lapse in healthcare coverage (No WAY I can afford cobra), my MIL is trying to persuade me to get Bub on Social Security for disabilities so he can be on Medicaid/Medicare... I have really not wanted to do that yet.  It's like slamming the book down on at the end of a Good Friday Service.  I rationally know I will need to do that for Bub, but I made the decision not to do that until he's 10 just so my heart would have a glimmer of hope the autism diagnosis may be altered in some way.  Or at least his expected outcome would be more functional.  And I'm not saying he isn't functional...because he IS very functional, on an ADL level...but they don't test for those things....and those things don't make a difference on any paperwork or rating scale or anything "officially" clinical, just to me and those that deal with and work with Bub on a daily basis.  and that sucks for my little heart.  

So in the next few months or so, I will be detailing my heart-crushing adventures of applying for SS-disability for my son.  Let me know if you have any pointers if you have gone thru it...and I know...don't be discouraged if you are denied the first time...just keep applying and maybe get a lawyer....  sad.

*I was hoping to include pictures...but we still are having uploading issues with the "cheap" digital camera we got Bub for his birthday*  *sorry*

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sundays can really suck...

The worst day in our house is typically Sat or Sunday.  Esp if Joe or I or both of us are sickly on either of those two days.  See...This is how it is btwn all of us....  I worked hard during the week and want to chill out and recoup from my job...Joe worked hard during the week and wants to chill out from the kids.  Bub had a hard week at school being in a disciplined scheduled and wants to not listen to anyone at any time to chill out from the week, Zber is super excited to have everybody home at the same time so She won't sleep during nap-time and insists on waking up at 3am to ensure all the playtime with us all she can cram in to a brief 48 hr period.

I had a mandatory vaccine in my rt deltoid on Friday for my new job. arm is STILL killing me and I had what felt like a 3-day hangover all Friday and Saturday.  Joe had digestive issues all last nite and he wanted (and did) to hide out in bed out of misery.  Bub wanted to poo on the floor a lot least 3 times just today.  He really hates it when I scrub his fingernails...but like I tell him..."If you are going to touch it, I'm going to scrub it...I see you forget to use your fork sometimes!!!!"   Zber found a piece either Joe or I missed.  I threw up in my mouth a little...which is odd since I deal with a lot of poo at work too.  Maybe it was because she's my baby...I don't know...either way, puke in the mouth is just not a happy kind of thing.

But back to the vaccine thing...if one little vaccine can eff me up, I who am....(let's be kind...) ...rubinesque...imagine how it can eff up a little baby...and they want to do up to 9 different ones at once?  not to my babies...and not in Texas.  YEA for my philosophical right to refuse!!!  I'm an adult, and it made me have one of the worst head-aches of my life...and you're telling me it won't damage a baby's neurologic tissues?  I'll give the shots, but I sure won't let my babies have them on any one else's time frame but MINE!


Monday, October 17, 2011

picked up a bug

I am feeling really crappy today.  it's pretty sucky cuz I have tons to do, and my next rotation starts tomorrow nite.  my head hurts like hell.  I hate this.

But on the plus side....I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!!  I got hired on at one of our local hospitals in the pediatric department!  Yayee me!!!  I'm still working nights, but I am very cool with that.  I'm really used to it by now, so that isn't an issue.   And yes..this was what my "mystery meeting" was all about. 

I would be bouncing around about this but I'm getting either thru some bug or I'm still recouperating from working all night on Sat-sun in floor stripping fumes. floor stripping fumes are not my friends apparently.  I had the worst headache on Sunday and pretty much slept all day and night. I barely spent any time with the kids the whole day.  I feel like a terrible mom.  :(

Other exciting news....Bub has poo'ed twice in the potty all by himself since last week, and Zber is saying "kitty" and "STOP"  and "y-sssssss" (it's not fully vocalized "yes", but I will take it!).  ECI visitied and Zber is not showing any need for therapies at this time. (whew!)  Masquerade (our new kitty) lets Zber pick her up carry her all over w/o complaint, and Joe fixed our old PC. our brakes AREN'T complete toast (we just needed to add brake fluid).  and we didn't bounce a single thing financially after paying all the bills. 

Somehow, we are doing things right for once.  hope we can keep it up.  :)


Tuesday, October 04, 2011

anxiety attack

I have my "Mystery meeting" tomorrow.   Out of no where around 1pm today, I had a minor panic attack.  I haven't had a panic attack since before Bub was born.  The last one was when I was in EC, and my  Idiot  boss was railing on me for something...I don't even remember what it was about... and I just started hyperventilating and crying hysterically at the same time.  not fun.  I'm surprised he didn't call 911 with what a mess I must have been.
Today was nothing so dramatic.  Just some heart palpations that would best be described as "lurches" and a slight increase to my resp. rate accompanied by the typical thoughts you get when facing these kinds of meetings. I'll be fine.  I already gave myself the Stuart Smalley peptalk in front of my mirror today and Joe has been wonderfully kind, agreeing with me to screw going grocery shopping today, and then not laughing at me when I decided to go 30 min later.  But that's really me in a nutshell, yeah?  I talk all blustery and rebellious, and then cave in and do the right thing after I'm left alone and calm down a bit. 

Shopping sucked as it always did.  I had to buy specialty items that I normally don't because they last so long.  For example: Ground Cardamom was effin $10 for a flipping McCormick spice bottle size.  WHAT?!?  It's not like I'm buying lark-tongues or saffron.  Diapers were upmarked this week, and that bummed me out, so I'm going to have to shop around to get Zber's butt-covers at a decent price. THANK YOU LORD that Bub no longer wears pull-ups and uses the toilet to pee into.  Now...if we could just do something about the frequency of poo getting into the toilet instead of the floor, I would be ever so happy....


Saturday, October 01, 2011

Doctor visit x2 kiddos

Random Bub elaboration
We did it. We took both kiddos to the doctor at the same time yesterday.

It was and wasn't a nightmare...if you know what I mean...

- Bub stood on the scale all by himself w/o freaking out.  (95 percentile)
- Bub allowed himself to be measured for height
- Zber is nearly 25 lbs and is at 45 percentile for her age (no more underweight concerns!!!!)
- Zber had no issues with her exam
- Doctor gave me NO problems when I asked for a referral to ECI for Zber
- Doctor gave me no "vaccines are important" speech since we decided to skip vaccines this visit

Nightmare moments:
- Bub's ears getting checked (ie- pinning him down amidst loud screaming)
- Bub attempting a great escape from the exam room
- Bub throwing himself off the exam table
- Explaining Bub's special diet to the new nurse
- The nurse doing the initial exam of the kids telling me she wanted to get a job at my facility.....
- Almost forgetting to get a Doctor's note for Bub's school
- Ensuring that they removed ALL traces of medicaid for Bub's coverage...since we don't qualify for it anymore...

So, after we had to get the kids home and fed b4 we could take Bub back to school, he missed his lunch during the appointment.  Thankfully that went well, I tried to stay up until 6pm but passed out in front of the PC watching season 2 of "South Park"  Which is pretty good considering I had been awake for 26 hours by then.  At some random point Joe woke me up for a return call from the "Mystery submission" and I have a meeting about it on Tuesday.

Then this morning I forgot I had a work function and didn't remember until 2 hours after it started.  However, since I am an RN, not a LVN, I am already certified/authorized to do the procedure this training was on, I think it will be ok...but I would have liked to have a refresher on it, so I'm still kicking myself in the butt about forgetting....but to be fair, we were woken up at 5:30 by Bub pounding on the door which scared Zber who then started crying her head off....and Joe was feeling poorly and I was/am still wiped out from my Thursday-friday day, so my head was not where it usually needs to be.

I've been very lazy today.  I did do the dishes, and fed the kids at appropriate times, and gave the kids their I guess I did what I needed to do.

We got a new kitten yesterday.  We ended up having to give Gunk away to another home because he did not like Zber...he kept spitting at her and acting like he was going to bite her face off.  He's [Gunk] very happy now and has a new cat friend.  I'm glad for that.  This new kitten has 6 toes on each paw, is black and white and is SO mellow around the kids.  Bub is very happy and is learning to pet her softly, Zber hasn't figured out that tails are NOT for grabbing and pulling yet.  we put up the baby-gate in front of the laundry room so the kitten can come and go as she pleases.  Bub wants to play with the kitty litter.  I try not to gag when I find Bub in there doing just that.  If he wasn't before, Bub is now an expert at hand-washing techniques, Nurse


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