Thursday, June 30, 2011


I'm not really beginning my whole self kick in the pants very well.

I slept until 4pm yesterday, and had a very hard time getting back to sleep.  that sucked.  I kept repeating a stupid conversation in my head, saying the things I wanted to say, but didn't actually say because I didn't think of it until later.  I have that problem.  a lot.  Hell, I'm still having conversations with my boss from EC over 13 years ago!!!!  I still hear his droning voice that had that lilt to it....and how he would say chameleon as "Karmeeleon"... Ummm....  just a word of advice...  don't learn how to pronounce things from Boy George...  just saying.

SEE!  I'm doing it still.  man, I think I must have something wrong in the head sometimes.

I did go to Sam's and get pizza for me and Joe after the kids were in bed. and a watermelon, and Silk, and almonds...cuz me and Bub love almonds.  and TP...the member's choice TP is actually really good...I was thinking, "hell, I don't care if it's like sandpaper...I just want some effing TP in my house and it's cheaper than the rest of them *by $6!!!* and it's a lot *36 rolls*  and I won't have to deal with it for a good while"

I think like that a lot...including the fake cursing...I have a lot of fake cursing going on in my brain these days.  I haven't quite reverted back to real cursing in my brain...but it's only a matter of time.  I think a lot of people have fake to real cursing going on in their head.  I can't imagine I'm the only one with this issue...

Joe is totally open to adopting a certain black kitty.  I'm kinda bittersweet about it.  part of me thinks it would be a good thing for us and the kitty, but am I really ready for another pet?!?  I know this kitty, and I know Zber will adore him, and Bub will like him...once he stops freaking out that it's a cat...  and Joe loves black cats.  REALLY loves black cats.  Loves that people get freaked out by them.  Loves freaking people out in general
*let me tell you about his cloak sometime...*
I just don't know that I'm ready for a pet.  it's a lot.  and what if we move again soon?!?!  Joe has an itch to leave ET, and pets just make moving hard.  I'm fighting his persuasions to move, mainly because it would be really bad timing for Bub, and secondly..I am really sick of moving.  I have relocated across country 6 times since I was 21.  and I'm not including all the times we moved from one apartment to another in the same city.  I really really really don't want to move yet.  I want to feel settled, just for a little while longer.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

time to kick my own butt

I just finished 4 crappy days of work.  and I'm tired of crappy days of work.  I need to spend the next 4 days (I'm off work)  creating a bubble of happiness around me, so when I go back, stupid people and their comments won't touch me, piss me off, and reflect back to them.  I think I will budget some well deserved time and cash to get a really good haircut, some new cosmetics (cuz I'm almost out of everything)..
**aside thought**
why is it that I always put off stuff for me?  I have no problem getting stuff for Joe and the munchkins, but I rarely will get stuff for me.  Is this a "mom" thing, or is this kinda neurotic?
***end aside thought**

Joe sz he's going to make me sleep all day and night so I can finally beat this cold I've been pushing thru for the past 2 weeks.  I don't really believe he will let me sleep if Bub is having one of "THOSE" days when he gets home from school...or if Zbear decides to be in a mood.

Z was saying "I" a lot yesterday, especially when she was doing stuff, or found something interesting to play with.  We are still focusing on reading several times a day with her and turning the TV off more, but the words are few.  I am hearing "up" a little more frequently, and she still prefers to say "dada" over "momma"  grrrr.

but if she sees me, I'm the one she launches into 9 out of 10 times  lol

and I mean she really launches into me.  she's going to knock me over one of these times.

attack of the tackling Zbear!


Tuesday, June 28, 2011


I need to stop being so angry/crabby.  I'm sorry for subjecting you all to my grumpiness lately.

I don't think I'm going to do the blogging challenge of blog everyday for a month.  It's been too stressful, and I end up writing things I prolly wouldn't have if I had just been blogging when I wanted to .

I'm just really tired ad wore out and boarder-line sick.  I need more chocolate in my


Monday, June 27, 2011

more irritation

Half of me wants to call a PRN person and ask them if they want to take my shift tonight.  but if I do that, I'll lose my spot for Tuesday...and I'm not having THAT.

I am so tired of it, the stupidity.  Can't wait until I can put in my notice.

Alright.  I'm going to get Bub's lunch/breakfast going and get some lovin from my Zber.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

could be

Could be using the time to blow off some steam

Could be using this time to rant about the crappy people in my life

Could be using this time to vent about the stupidity and laziness I encounter every time I clock in

But I'd rather let it go, and be w/ my kiddos....and start working on a resume.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

monkey-wood salad bowl

Joe is attempting to remove the Zber barriers to let baby-girl have more free reign in the house.  I've been telling him he needs to do this for a while.  When I'm on parent patrol I remove the kitchen barrier and let her go thru all the cabinets, pulling out all the tupperware and pots and pans.  She especially likes to get out my monkey-wood salad bowl and sit in it and put one of the individual matching salad bowls on her head while squealing happily.  I see a happy baby doing this...Joe sees a mess he has to pick up.  lol  shouldn't our perceptions be reversed?


Friday, June 24, 2011

a little less sick

fever's gone, but still stuffy.  have to work 4 days starting tomorrow.  I have a feeling I'll be fighting this off again next Tuesday.

Maybe I do need to get a different job or a different shift.  Joe seems to think so.  I don't know.  I do like what I do, and I love my little chicabees at work.  So I'm a bit ambivalent right now.

Zber fell asleep in her high-chair during spagetti dinner...all tomato-y and messy.  I am very glad I learned early w/ Bub that you remove the shirt before serving toddlers spagetti! so I carefully wiped her off w/ a warm washcloth and then just held her little sleepy self for a good while.  It's been quite a few months since she has been sleepy on me (I guess momma is just a little too exciting...).  I really enjoyed it.  then I put her in bed and hung out w/ the Bub...who is into "play dough" today.

Have a loaf of homemade bread baking, looking forward to it being done.  :)


Thursday, June 23, 2011

sick on a day off :(

Don't you just hate that?  I have the worst stuffy nose that zyrtec & benedryl can't touch, plus I'm all achey and tired, and a temp over 100F  I just don't have energy for this.  Joe is being a trooper tho, trying to let me rest and not get frustrated w/ me.  I love him for that.  Zber is not so patient.

We had some "excitement" yesterday.  I came in from outside in the afternoon and forgot to lock the door.  about 20 min later Bub tries the door, figures out it's open and made a great escape.  I was on the couch behind the packnplay barrier we have set up to keep Zber out of the kitchen when Bub is doing elaborations in there, I'm hurdling this crib (barefoot), Joe who is behind the PC barrier is hurdling the trunk, Zber is hooting all excited.  I get out the door, and Bub is halfway down the driveway heading for the street.  That is the scary bit.  Our road has a 20 mph limit, but because we live in kinda nowhere off a couple of main country roads, NO ONE obeys that speed limit.  And Bub is heading for the road.  I'm barefoot getting my soles tore up on the rocks halfway to Bub as he is almost at the street, I'm screaming "Stop!  Sign Stop Bub!!!"  (cuz he is more likely to do a thing if he signs it), meanwhile, Joe in his cowboyboots passes me and grabs Bub just as Bub reaches the street, turns around and starts laughing hysterically.  Glad he sees something funny in this, cuz I just want to cry.

Needless to say, Bub was disciplined which lead to an hour of Bub protesting w/ loud screams and bangings of the wall with limbs and toys.  after he calmed down, Joe took him to Lowe's to look around.  Going to Lowe's is one of Bub's favorite trips.

As for his appt w/ his pediatric behavoralist, Bub now has a script for risperidol.  we spent a good 20min talking about side-effects and necessary blood work for this med.  Sometime today, I need to call his regular pediatrician and set up an appt to get a fasting blood test for Bub.  I am NOT looking forward to that at all.  Last time we had to draw blood on Bub, he was 3 and he was so freaked out and non-compliant we had to put him in a papoose restraint, and STILL have 2 more people help to keep him totally still.  I have a feeling I will be referred to the local hospital's lab to ensure the draw goes smoothly.  He will have to have blood tests every 6months once he starts this.  yea me.  But, if it helps him, I will do it.

Zber is now napping after breakfast and a "Ba-ba" (bottle), I will prolly join her soon, and try to fight off this virus.  I need to beat it by Saturday.  I am scheduled another 4day rotation.  I REALLY hope I get a different section this time around.


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Meds for Bub

Fabulous appt yesterday.  Not so fabulous doing a forth 12h shift on 3h of sleep.  My head is still hurting, so I'm going to hold off blogging about the appt other than the fact that I am holding in my hands a script for Bub to start meds.

V. happy, just waiting for the sleep-deprived headache & allergy-like symptoms to abate.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

so excited!

we got a call around 445 lyesterday asking if we wanted to take a canceled appt spot for Bub's Behavioralist Pediatrician which we have an appt for in Oct.  I don't think I said "yes" fast enough!!!  It's at 9:30 so I won't get very much sleep today, but it is my last night. so I think I'll be ok.  I'm very much happy right now even tho our power just went off from the rain.


Monday, June 20, 2011

Still tired

Really LOOOOONG nite.  Lots of stuff happened, had to stay until 6:20ish to finish all my paperwork.  yuck.

Zber was very happy to see me, since I was the one who changed her poopy diaper. ew.  Bub was NOT happy to see me as I was trying to wake him letting Zber in his room to mess up he current elaboration.
He -really- doesn't like it when I do that, but it wakes him up.

It kind of reminds me of when I would run into Ross's room and start freaking out like we only had 10 min before the bus would come.  It always got him out of bed, but it also got him mad, and gave me a punch in the arm, or other extremity...  Ah!  I miss my brother.  :(

Well, must get to bed, I have 2 more days on.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

glad to be home

long night.  not bad, just long and busy.  which in retrospect is a better way to be than a nothing to do night, but still, after being off for 5 days, I'm kinda hurting from all the getting down on the floor and getting up again.  Nothing bad or anything, just my muscles a little peeved at me for the use.

No one is up yet, everyone is all sleepy and cute.  I am hoping to slip into bed and let it stay that way.  usually Z is up by now and banging her crib against the wall to make sure I know she is awake, but no, I checked in on her, and she is still blissfully asleep.  I hope to be that way too soon.  :)


Saturday, June 18, 2011

thanks Joe....

Look what I found on my camera.

Apparently Joe thought it was cute.
sleepy girlies

oh well, if you can't laugh at yourself.....

must have been after I finished a 3 or 4 day rotation...   lol

Friday, June 17, 2011

Happy Birthday to my Dad...

It's my Dad's birthday today.  (and my friend Deejee), tomorrow is my Brother's birthday, and Lisa's (yayee), then Joe's parent's anniversary is Monday.  I have to keep these things in my mind.  I am very bad at remembering to send cards.  I used to be better, but then I didn't have kids, autism, a real household (as opposed to a basic apartment and dog), and everything else that has become my everyday of existence.  To me it's everyday, but I get a lot of wide-eye stares when I end up describing my everyday life to friends....

Anyhow, Dad is 71.  I am in shock that I have parents that old.  Even tho I saw them last month, I really miss them.  I miss how seemingly easy going their lifestyle can be...I don't WANT that lifestyle, (I don't even see how that could ever be possible for us...)  I just miss seeing THEM enjoying it, and enjoying it with them for a few hours.  I really didn't get that this last visit, everything was crisis-point and tense.  and I used all my vacation time I had accumulated to be there when they needed us, so it will be a good while before we will get an opportunity to visit as a family.  boo.

Anyhow, I called and talked to them for a bit this morning, after Joe took himself and the kids to his parents.  He has to help his Dad move some things around.  Plus, the cousins are visiting too, so Bub and Zbear will get some kiddo attention.  Likely- Cousin K will be all over Zber tho.  lol.  That's ok, Bub has his own routine of what he does at Grandma's and sometimes doesn't want the attention of others in his quasi-naughtiness.  He doesn't bring on his FULL naughtiness to Grandma's house, but just enough to keep everyone on their toes.  *grin & nod*

Joe is talking about a new project of "installing" a table-shelf system to keep the PC stuff on since Zber is no longer daunted by the trunk and chair barrier that had been keeping her out the the computer area...Plus  (he always has a plus) it will be an area for Bub to do his Ipad, which has not been purchased yet, and is most likely going to be a birthday present or a christmas present...depending on a couple of factors.

Trunk and couch ineffective

going off to modify a cake recipe for the bub.  happy baking to me.


Thursday, June 16, 2011


I have now found a name for it: Coprogenics.  Let me tell you, it is one of the most frustrating things Bub has ever done, and prolly will ever do.   I've been reading a lot about it.  I think Bub is doing the poop-thing for attention.

So I'm kicking myself in the butt and spending extra time with Bub today.  So far no poop at all...which worries me that it will happen just before he falls asleep.  We had issues w/ the A/C today, so I even camped out with him for a while, but he wouldn't sleep bc he was too afraid Joe and Grampa would disturb his elaboration he set up in the living room- where the A/C unit is located.

After a very unsuccessful trip to the potty, Bub is back in bed w/ his newly animated annee-ooh (batteries added).  So I hope he will go to sleep easily and not have an incident, and listen to the songs on annee-ooh, esp the 20 little leapfrog song which seems to be his favorite.  But he also likes the uppercase alphabet song.  I haven't heard either song, I think he is still upset even tho all the toys from the elaboration are now in his room.

I tell you.  parenting him can be hard.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

hot june afternoon

The kids were pretty antsy this afternoon, dispite my shopping and bringing home of nice treats we haven't had for over a week.  So I fed the lot and went outside a& cleaned out the wading pool to see if that would take the edge off them.  Z had a super time.  loved splashing and pouring water and getting in and out of the pool by herself.  Bub?  I don't get it.  he will immerse himself in the tub, but all he did was step in the pool, look uncomfortable and run out again to sit on the swing.

He came back a few times to dump water on Z, but got upset when Daddy declared "fair play" and dumped water on him.  Bub doesn't like people dumping water on him.  this is why shampoo day is so traumatic. 

well, Zbear is exhausted and asleep in her crib, Bub is having a cool-down time in his room before Daddy goes to turn off his lights for bed.  Tomorrow is appt day and school.  I'm tired already.


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

windridge was canceled

Cuz Bub's instructor had to go home sick.  I hope she didn't get heat exhaustion, it's been dang hot around here lately.  & she's out in the most miserable heat walking around and dealing w/ horses (who get hot too).  I'll be hoping the best for her.  I think Bub only has one more week of windridge before they break for the summer.

I'm feeling pretty crappy today.  my fingers feel all puffy.  I'm thinking I got too much sodium yesterday.  I've been trying to drink a lot of fluids, but I guess I haven't had enough to flush out my system.  I've got wedding-ring indention big-time today.   That and I feel like I have a cotton head.  Joe is telling me to go back to bed, but then I'll just end up being awake all night again, and feel crappy tomorrow.  blah.

Z is now excelling at climbing all things we have put up to keep her from getting into mischief, at least she understands "no" and "down"  when she quiets I'll try to read her a story.  she has little patience to sit for a story.  it kinda worries me.


Monday, June 13, 2011

1st day ESY

Bub had his first day of ESY today (Extended school year).  Until the bus picked him up (around 745) we STILL didn't know what campus he would be at.  And now that I know the name of the campus, I can't remember which one it is, so I have to go look it up online before Thursday when I have to take him there after speech therapy.  I think I know which one it is...but I mix them up.  he's been to so many of the campuses already since he was 3.  poor Bub.  I don't get it, these kids have issues with change, and there are only 2 campuses that have this special ed program, but instead of keeping the kids at one of the two campuses, they ship out summer school to any different number of them.  Nice work giving the kids a sense of continuity. Sorry, just a bit bitter about this.  Bub didn't want to go to sleep tonite and it gave me and esp Joe a headache.  and it's hot.  and I hate hot.  maybe we do need to venture a bit more north one of these years..


Sunday, June 12, 2011

allergies? or something more insidious?

I am sneezing like a banshee.  Do banshees sneeze, or just scream?  Dk.  took a zyrtec, but I packed my dayquil (generic of course) just incase I've picked up some kind of little virus...stupid buggers.  Z is very angry that I have to work tonight and can't stay home & play with her.  Bub snuck into my room while I was sleeping and snuggled with me, I guess he missed me because I went to bed this morning before he woke up.  It was pretty cute.

Anyhow.  gotta go.   Nubs

Saturday, June 11, 2011

1st day back is over

and it wasn't as traumatic as I feared.  Alyson took that section and I think that's what saved me from being a sob-baby today at work.  Night went well.  All my babies are good.  :)

Now I'm just waiting for the sun to rise all the way so I can take the kiddo's out in the back yard and let them run themselves out so Joe has a good morning.  I'd take them for a walk, but I fear Bub running off on me while I deal w/ a non-compliant walking Zb'er.  Wish I knew where Joe hid the camera.  boo.

Right now the munchkins are snuggled up together on the couch watching "Oso".  I hate this cartoon.  What ever happened to "Blue's Clues".  At least Steve was cute.  and he signed.  I liked that.  :)   But then I am a nerd.  lol

Off to make some breakfast.  Must get Zeebee some protein to aid in project "chub-out my Zbear"


Friday, June 10, 2011


I am guilty of displacement today.  I didn't want to think about the funeral, so I focused on getting Bub to Therapy on time (we didn't, but the 9:30 people no showed and Bub got moved in...prolly cuz we prepay 2 weeks in advance....) and getting Zbear to her 12 month appointment at 15 months....yeah...lets just say we've been having some scheduling issues lately....

Now I find that Zbear is 31.4 inches and only 21.5 lbs.  She's underweight for her age and her length.  I'm very depressed about this.  Her NP wants me to start adding nut butters to her diet.  I'm scared to try what with all my food allergies and sensitivities and Bub's milk allergy.  So I'm taking a deep breath and going to get some almond butter on monday....after I get some sleep.  Also, Joe and I are debating whether to put her BACK on formula or maybe try adding malted to her soymilk.  I'm thinking we're going to go back to formula...I feel terrible.  She eats really well.  I give her lots of variety. WHO would think MY kids would have concerns w/ being UNDERWEIGHT?!?!?  Bub is a stick, and it looks like Z will be too.  Why do they get my recessive genes?  *sigh*

Z has now completed her polio series.  Next series will be Hib I think...Still deciding.

Then after getting the zb'er home and in for a nap, got ready and went to the funeral.  It was very sad.  that's all I'm going to say about it.

So afterward, I displaced my upset-ness by making dinner, then going to a choir practice that I just realized I got the performance dates wrong and will only be able to be in the production by the biggest finagling I can acheive, and then went to the library.  Found a new book on Autism and newer/researched therapies.  I think I may review it ....SEE, I'm doing it again.

then instead of dealing w/ my sadness, I did the dishes, convinced Bub that he had to clean his butt-butt after pooping, (washed my hands....), and cleaned my refrigerator because I forgot/didn't get around to cooking a chicken, and it went REALLY bad, and since I'm going to be doing more displacement here in a min by cooking several meals to feed my little fambly during my next rotation, I didn't want to put yummy food into a fridge that smelt horrible.  You know the movie Labyrinth?  the "bog of eternal stench"?  yeah, that was my fridge.   409 is my friend.  :p  Plus I'm getting laundry done.

But really, I know what I'm doing, and I know what it is.  But knowing what you are doing and why you are doing it doesn't really help you deal with it in the just seems to make the anxiety about it bigger.

I' haven't had that many people that really meant a lot to me die, the few that have were 100s of miles and years distanced, Not someone I spent time with every week.  But I'm not trying to come out as a caloused person that wasn't close to her dead's just that I was really young when they died, or that I was never close to them to begin with...the one exception to that was my Tetka, but I hadn't seen her in years, and then when I tired to call to keep in touch with her,  her English vanished, and my ukrainian is pretty much non-existant,  then her hearing went, and when she died, it was like she was already a memory.  (does that sound awful?)
It's kind of scaring me how hard I'm taking this.  And I did realize he was important to me before all this happened, I know I griped about special requests, but I always did them because beneath the bluster and the drunk sailor impressions I knew it meant a lot to him.

I'm getting all morose again...better displace and make some enchiladas (w/o cheese) and meatballs and brisket.


Thursday, June 09, 2011


I may multiple post today.  I'm killing time waiting to leave for Z's rescheduled x2 Dr. appt.  I forgot where we are on my vaccine schedule.  I think we have one more polio to do, then I think we'll start HIB.  maybe.  I'm sure I'll get the required vaccine lecture....yayee for the CDC.

Today is also the funeral, part of me wants to skip it, but I know I'll just hate myself if I do that.  then after that I have to get serious about cleaning my kitchen, cooking at least 3 or 4 dinners for Joe and the kids during my next rotation, and make sure I have clean scrubs.  clean scrubs are -kinda- important....

at least I can wear my jeans tomorrow.  yayee for casual Fridays.  would rather have, "stay home & we'll pay you for no reason Friday".  but that's not going to happen.


Wednesday, June 08, 2011

my sad little garden.

it is composed of 2 tomato plants.  there were 3 originally, but one got crushed when I asked Joe to cover them on one of the last frost warning nites...I was at work.

Today Joe & Bub discovered my grape tomatoes had some red ones on it.  I was in shock.  I have done nothing for these troopers.  So in my guilt of neglecting the only plants I actually planted, I got some stakes up and propped up the 2 main branches off the ground.  then I picked the ripe ones...there were about 12, half are gone, I offered one to Bub, but he ran away.

He USED to like tomatoes.  I remember he stopped eating them around 3.5y/o.  I was never able to figure out why.  The only tomato product he will ingest is ketchup.  no spagetti sauce, no tomato sauce on the cabbage rolls, no tomato slices...definately NO salsa.

My poor boy, when he turned 2, we had a birthday party for him at my sister's before we moved down to TX.  somehow, Joe ended up giving him some jalapeno black beans, and the poor kiddo ate a jalapeno.  needless to say he doesn't eat beans either....  but he used to.  *sigh*

My other tomato plant is of the normal sized variety, and has 1 green tomato on it a little bigger than a golf ball.

Boy, am I a farmer in training or what?  lol


Tuesday, June 07, 2011

bowties are cool

 In an effort to cheer me up a bit...Joe has been playing Doctor Who episodes for me.

I really find that Matt Smith is a HUGE improvement over David Tennant.   Huge.

But I still miss Donna.  :(


Monday, June 06, 2011


Sunday morning I was commenting to my relief that I felt like you do after being awake for 30+ hours.  that was before he passed and I stayed awhile longer after he had passed away so my relief's day wouldn't be completely messed up and his meds pass be excessively late.

then I started to go home, but stopped at my church first and prayed with my pastor.

then I stopped at burger King to get my family breakfast.

then Joe and I talked for a bit, but I really just wanted to be alone.  Watched the latest episode of Doctor Who...thought it was more far fetched than the Dalek reality-bomb sequence...but's Doctor Who, and Matt Smith is cool in bow-ties. 

Then I went to bed.  except for a few brief awakenings for bathroom and kool-aid, I just woke up about an hour ago.  I don't recall ever sleeping that much before unless I was super sick (w/ a fever over 103)

I'm trying to gear myself up to calling work to find out when the wake and funeral will be.  I'm not quite there yet.


Saturday, June 04, 2011


my dear, dear friend,

I know you spent your life raging against the dying of the night.
but I hope you go quietly into the night,

and I hope I'm with you.

remember I love you, and that you are loved by many.

Friday, June 03, 2011

sing along with the nerd mom!

one of my nerd habits I've acquired from my mom is making up silly songs for my kid's with their name.

I am truly a super-nerd to admit this to anyone but Joe, but sadly it is true.

Here's Zbear's...sorry I'm not actually using her name...those that know her will figure out where to put it *winks*

(To the tune of Davy Crockett)

Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z,
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!
I love my Z--- yes it's true,
I love my Bubber and my Joe-joe too!
I love my Z--- and it's plain to see,
I love Z-------, and my Zbear loves me!
Z---, Z-------, I love my little Z!
I know it's blurry...sue me.

(To the tune of We love you Conrade)

I love you -----, oh yes I do!
I love you -----, it's true
When you're not with me, I'm blue!
Oh Bubber I love you!!!!
I like the "bad" shots...

No Joe doesn't have a "song".  if he did, he would be pretty upset w/ me for publishing it.  lol

We did "argue" about the name of the actual song for Z's song...I maintain it's Davy Crockett...Joe seems to think it's the theme song for Bonanza.  (I've never actually watched that the one w/ the original "Major Adama" and "Pa Ingles" aka Michael Landon?)
after this "tiff" Joe started laughing about the time I told him of how I first met Lisa, but I don't know if she remembers meeting me that night...I was kinda faded in the background (as choice).  I think THAT was the theme of "Rawhide"  lol!  So we laughed about that and then started remembering vague and obscure things from our personal history since '98.    I feel old now.

I love/envy how my friends Lisa, Shane, Angela, and Kim seem to never go anywhere without making a new friend. (I was one of them...obviously)  (lol)  I'm just too shy.


Thursday, June 02, 2011

Mother's Day Encounter Update

I meant to post this the week before last, but the drive w/ Z to MN kinda reorganized my priorities...

I ran into the EZmart guy that Monday morning (5/23) before I found out I would be going up north later that day....
He reported his wife is healthy and at home w/ Landon who has now(then) gained over 2 lbs from his birth weight 2 weeks prior.

I like happy endings and I'll take em where I can get em...even in EZmarts.  :)


mother's day encounter

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

stubborn bub

My poor poor kid.  He's got an overdose of stubbornness from both me and Joe...We just spent the last hour convincing him to take his herbal supplement (that is nominally helping- for now).  Then when he decided to take it, he tried to get more than he should.  all or's crazy-making.

He seems to be back on to environmental art again.  here is his latest creation

To be honest tho, today was a really bad day.  and I hear the doubters saying "All kids have bad days"

Yeah, all kids have bad days, but not like this.  Not when it's a bad day w/ stims and self-abuses, and obsessions, and rituals.  Sometimes when people tell me "it sounds like pretty typical behavior for a 6 y/o", I want to punch them in the face.  I GREATLY edit what I tell people about the bad days, even the people who know Bub really well, because they either won't believe me and think I'm exaggerating, or they will give me the "f***, this chick is away"- look.  yes it is a specific look....I bet you have it on your face right now.

QUICK get a mirror and look so you know what I am talking about.

Convincing your child that he can't bring his pennies to the livingroom b/c they will be ingested by his little baby sister is hard enough when they understand you, add not sure if you are being understood in the mix, then add his irrational obsession to bring them into the livingroom even tho Momma is threatening to take away the said pennies, add to that Momma took them away to protect the baby.

Sometimes, the way he acts when I have to take away his latest ritual-obsession makes me think of an addict that can't get his next fix and is freaking out to find/get what will make the withdrawal pain away.  great, to protect the baby, I'm making my poor boy go thru penny-DTs. 

that actually kinda made me laugh in a defeated kind of way.

and what is really frustrating is that not even an hour before this started he was being SO good.  he wanted to help me cook, so I let him "help" me cut the greenbeans and onions that I was cooking for lunch.  and after a brief refusal of lunch (I gave him his favorites, not what the rest of us ate)  and he did eat his hotdog, applesauce and noodlies, and spent a good 45 min with me writing the alphabet and numbers.  He even copied a smiley face that I drew.  He's NEVER drawn a face that doesn't look like a clown about to have a sucking contest with a vacuum cleaner before.

after we got both of the kiddos to bed, Joe and I just sat outside for awhile, shellshocked.  I keep telling myself it will be better, it has been better, it HAS to get better.  I'm having a hard time believing myself today.


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