Thursday, December 15, 2011


Finished day 1 of PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support)

You know what I learned today?!?  I learned I should get down on my knees and thank God every day I leave work and didn't have to deal w/ a code that day.

Does that sound really bad?  I didn't mean it to.  I'm not trying to say I'm shit when it comes to dealing w/ a life-threatening situational crisis.  The few times I've had to deal w/it  I've been able to stay calm and think clearly and act correctly and effectively, or at least efficiently.

It's kinda scary...all of us in the class are experienced pedi Healthcare workers, and we get the senario, and we look at this doll-thing that's supposed to be a kid, and we all freeze up.  then they play a little video clip of the same senario they just described to us and we're all shouting possiblities out to each other and talking about what steps we would do.

I think it's the mannequins.  they eff us up.  you look at this flesh-colored piece of plastic w/ a bag poking out from the seams of its "chest" that's supposed to be the lungs, and no matter how OBVIOUS the clues are about what is supposed to be wrong, we just see this lifeless piece of plastic sitting there and our minds go collectively blank, and we start thinking about how we are going to fail the mega-code tomorrow afternoon...

well, I did.  And so did 2 other people I talked to about it.  So I'm sure there were more....except for the ONE person who is very loud, very in your face, and very "I know everything" and then has the gall to prove that she does.

It was like being in class with the Martha Stewart of Nursing....  You know she's good, but you want to smack her anyway, but you sure would be glad she's around when you have a kid that goes bad...and that just makes you hate her even more.  lol.  kinda.....

Tho- it was neat practicing a mock I/O insertion.  Tho I doubt I will ever get to try it in real life unless I float to E.D.

Must remember:
Epi- 0.01 mg/kg (1:10000) IV/IO q3-5min  max dose- 1mg
Epi- 0.1-1mcg/kg/min infusion
Epi- 0.1 mg/kg ET q3-5min


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

froggie in my window -II

My froggie came back today.  He disappeared a few days ago when we hit a low temp of 30-some degrees.  I was afraid he died and fell off the window as a frozen froggie popsicle that some wandering local fauna found and enjoyed as a late fall treat...but he must have burrowed into the mud that was created by the 3-days of rain right before the cold snap and had a mini-hibernation.

Now it is "warm" again (60's) and he has emerged to climb up to my kitchen window and let me look at his belly stuck to the glass.

I like this froggie...I hope I can get a camera to snap a picture of him before he disappears again.  Joe hints at it since my birthday is only a few days away...but I'm not holding my breath.  And even if I do get a new camera, I'm sure Bub will be plotting it's demise as soon as he lays eyes on it.  lol

Going bed, having some kind of allergic reaction to I have no idea what, and the benadryl x2 is starting to make me all loopy.


Sunday, December 11, 2011

The things my parents did to us...episode Ghandi

Today, for some reason Joe and I were talking & I brought up the memory that my parents once took us to see the movie "Ghandi" which is a very long movie.  I think I was 5 or 6, so Ross was like 4 or so, and Anya was around 10 or 11.  I'm pretty sure it was a theater in Uptown on Lake or Lindale.  All I really remember was that it was a LOOONG movie, and very boring.  It was the only time in my life that I remember my dad giving us money to get us our of his hair...usually he threatened us w/ "the Belt"  (which I did get once...but that's another story....) to keep us in line, but I suspect he refrained from that threat (which usually ended in terrified screams and tears) because we were in public and he actually wanted to watch the movie and not have to comfort 3 squalling kids and not get "the look" from my mom. 

So I'm describing this to Joe, how me and Ross bought jujubees, and that it was the worst dried up and old candy we had ever had and how we snuck up to the balcony and tried to hit people w/ the jujus, and how Anya was hissing at us that we would get a huge spanking from dad at home if w didn't stop...and it occured to me....WHY did they bring us to a 4+hr long documentary-like movie?

I called them today to find out.  They claim not to remember exactly.  I asked if it was because they didn't/couldn't find a babysitter?  Dad said he wanted us to learn something.  (he was laughing while telling me this)

I remember lots of different babysitters and only a few that we had more than one time.  I am starting to suspect that the three of us were the "Calvin and Hobbs" of the neighborhood when we were little.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

she must have some sharp incisors...

So I'm helping Bub make orange koolaid.  even tho he won't hold up just 3 fingers when I ask him how many is three he stops getting more sugar after putting three 1/4 c. sugar into the pitcher.  I think I can safely assume he DOES in fact understand the concept of "how many is three"  (small flashback to the song on sesame street where the baker drops all his pastries over himself as he walks down the stairs...seriously...why would you carry 12 banana cream pies down a flight of stairs all by yourself?!?!?)song of three

Anyhow....While I'm adding the water Z comes over to see the action.  I didn't actually see this, but this is my interpretation of what happened, because I turned around to a double scream and Bub holding his pointer finger out like it hurt....

I think Bub decided to be naughty and stick his finger in Z's mouth.  Z has had enough of Bub sticking his finger in her mouth, and bit down.  hard. 

Bub's crying, Z is looking confused and I am trying so hard not to laugh, spill the koolaid, and call for Joe to come over and help, and stop Bub before he starts hitting someone or something with his hurt finger because that's what he does when he's hurting.

I fail at not laughing.

I succeed in keeping Bub from hitting people or things.   Bub is mad at me for laughing, but then decides to laugh bc Momma laughing is pretty funny.  (at least I don't snork when I laugh...)

Oh the joys of my kiddos...

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

My coffee gets stolen every day

My kiddo's are little coffee-grubbers.  They don't go after Joe's coffee very often, mainly mine.  Prolly cuz I put Silk and sugar in mine, and Joe prefers his black, mainly.

I get me a cup and sit on the couch, first comes Z pretending she wants a hug, but really she's just sidling up to sneak my spoon and then try to sneak out coffee w/ the spoon.  Then Bub realizes I have coffee.  He doesn't even try to be sneaky.  He just grabs the cup, giggles and takes a few swigs.

It's a good thing I don't drink beer.  lol

Joe has found a solution to the red permanent marker Bub decorated his walls with.  It comes off if you rub Shout Stain Stick on it and let it sit overnite.  It wipes off w/ a wet rag.  I tried everything on it, Magic Erasers, nail polish remover, scary recipes I found on the internet and Pintrest...use the stain stick.  I would have never guessed.  Joe is amazing.

Must go, I work tonight, and I'm going back to a wonder winterland of RSV+


As I wrote this, Bub snuck in the kitchen and poured out half a bottle of Dawn on the floor.  Mr. Man is now washing the kitchen floor since he has to clean it up anyway.  Sad part, he's still laughing as he's scrubbing the floor.  How can we really be mad about it?  :)

Monday, December 05, 2011

Little frog in my kitchen window.

There is a little frog that lives on the outside of my kitchen window.  He's been living there for about 2 weeks.  Every morning I go check to make sure he didn't die of "cold" (it's TX- it's not REALLY cold....) because I really don't want to scrape froggy corpse off my window before breakfast.  But he's just sitting there, suctioned to some section of my kitchen window.  He likes it there cuz we leave a lite on in the kitchen all night, so the bugs visit, and he gets free meals w/ no work.  He's a smart little froggie.

A few days ago, Joe and Bub were outside in the back yard burning leaves.  I tapped on the window (from inside) and pointed out the froggy to Bub.  He came over, wasn't sure what the froggy was, so he touched it, realized it was a frog, got scared and ran away.  Joe was watching this, thought it was funny, got the frog off the window and tried to get Bub to hold it.  Bub wasn't having any of that.  He is deeply afraid of all reptiles, amphibians, and birds.  I have no idea why. He loves mammals, we have yet to meet a marsupial.., but anyhow, he's afraid of the froggy, and runs away.  Joe puts the froggy back on the window (very relieved froggy, I'm sure...).  And then what does he do?  he pretends he has a frog in his cupped hands and chases Bub around the yard.


Friday, December 02, 2011

Me waxing on religion and prolly pissing you off....

I read this comment on a blog I'm not naming...really because I'm trying to learn "Blog etiquette" here.  I'm not upset w/ the commenter, and the commenter is entitled to their own opinion, and I don't want to be seeming to "attack" someone or their point of view or be seen to be doing so...  But I just wanted to explain to myself why this comment upset me.  What was it exactly that struck a discord.  and I don't really want to have a discussion about it with the author, I just want to here goes.  

"It is great to reflect however, on what Christmas means if you are not Christian or Jewish. Perhaps we should pay a little more attention to celebrating and respecting other religious festivals.

Not as a "token" form of respect, rather, a "let's take a day in the life of this religion and learn about it by doing". It could be fun. Our kids could learn by doing, and understand that at the end of the day who cares what religion you follow, as long as you respect everyone else's."

This comment upset me quite a bit.  Not for the reasons you prolly are thinking...  Mostly I'm disturbed by the idea of learning a different religion by doing.  I'm sorry, but find that an antithesis of my principles.  and I am at a loss of words to explain why I find this so offensive, which makes me question 2 things about myself....

1- is this upset a conflict of deeply rooted tennets of my personal faith, or is the idea of participating in some other religion's ritual upsetting to me.

I'm going to admit something here....When I am w/ people who openly admit to me that they believe in a different faith system than I do, I will respectfully listen to their prayer, ritual, meditation, etc...but I will NOT participate.  To participate is to minimize my beliefs, and one thing I hold true- if you do not stand for what you believe in, then you do not really believe in anything.  I have dear ones in my life that start prayers w/ "Mother/Father god"  I listen respectfully to them expressing their beliefs, but I do NOT pray with them, I pray for them, I pray about what they are concerned about, but I will not pray to what/who they pray to.  I love them very much, but I don't and won't compromise my faith and beliefs to mollify anyone else, not would I expect or ask anyone else to do that for me.  I may ask them to share what they believe, and I am willing to share what I believe and discuss the differences/similarities, but I will not participate.    

2- Why do I totally disagree w/ " the end of the day who cares what religion you follow, as long as you respect everyone else's"  ?

I think you can and should care about what religion you follow. You can and should care about what religions others follow.  the other person's choice of belief is their own, but you should care about what they choose.  you can care about what religions others in you life follow AND be respectful.  What they believe will affect how they act, learning about what they believe and respecting it (without participating/practicing) will help your relationship with that person, and better communication, b/c you can figure out ahead of time how NOT to piss them off w/ a stupid statement you find acceptable but is wildly offensive to their beliefs.

Learning about a religious system/belief and being respectful does not have to include participating in it, and it does make a difference.  Your world view is different based on your starting point.


Thursday, December 01, 2011

She sleeps all nite now

If I haven't mentioned it yet (I get this and my FB postings confused sometimes), Joe and I converted our overlarge walkin closet into Zbear's new room.  It is awesome.  She doesn't wake up around 3-4am anymore because either Joe or I snorked loudly in our sleep (to be's prolly ME that wakes her up...I am a wrecking ball when I sleep....Joe occasionally has to run away to the couch cuz I'm all over the place....)

Well, she just loves her new room, she likes to play in there by herself...Bub keeps trying to sneak into her room and steal the toys we have decided to make exclusively for Zbear.  Bub has toys he WILL NOT SHARE.  EVER.  TOUCH ONLY IF YOU WANT TO BE HIT.  yeah.  yayee autism OCD rituals based on toys.  Joe and I want to be equitable w/ our kids.  We will never be fair.  It will always be impossible to be fair when their needs and levels of expectations will always be SO incredibly different. (I will not kid myself about the differences in my kids...not gonna do it...)  So to be equitable, we have decided Z will have 2 or 3 toys that stay in her room, and that Bub can't play with unless she brings it out of her room for him to play with.

Now this resolve is kinda hard, because Bub and Z are starting to enjoy the same kinds of toys, but in different ways.  Bub still really enjoys toys appropriate for 18+ months, but then he also enjoys toys appropriate for his our age group (7 y/o), but he still has some toys from when he was 2 y/o that he will not let go...they are too important to him, the elaborations he sets up with them are too ingrained into his self-ness, I have replaced these toys several times w/ exact replicas as they got loved-on too hard (or covered in poo...sometimes cleaning is not a viable option.....)  So he's grabbing her age appropriate toys and doing his elaboration thing with them, Z is not getting what he is doing and does her deconstructionist act on his elaboration which then ends in multiple kids crying, small toddlers being picked up haphazardly and bounced on the couch, and a 7 y/o banging some portion of his body against the wall.   We like to avoid these activities when possible....  So we pretty much keep special toys in the appropriate rooms and have only generic non-attachment formed toys out in the living room and attempt to keep the siblings out of the other's room.  Not an easy task.  Sometimes Bub wants Z in his room, but then he changes him mind abruptly and she gets upset when he's pushing her out.

we stay busy while they are awake....can you tell?  But so far the new room for Z is working out splendidly.  We have a child-free bedroom once more and are pretty happy about it.

Happy December!  Nubs

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Amazing Day, thank you Hartley Family.

Today Joe & I struggled w/ whether or not to brave a church service, and then if we did, what church to go to.  We have been struggling with this for a few months for various reasons, one of which that we publicly acknowledge is that the standard 10-11am service start times really wreck havoc on Zber's nap and the rest of our day is that much harder...and as I have stated before, Sundays are typically hard.

Anyhow, we decided to suck it up and go to our "home" church, mainly because I didn't feel up to being in "make new friends while struggling w/ my run-away son" mode.  it gets hard.  I have to be super cheery to do it.  I'm not super cheery lately.  so we get to church, Zber makes a dash for the nursery...what?  She really wanted to be in the nursery.  who am I to argue w/ my child when she gets a stubborn streak surpassing only her father's?  fine, the lady in the nursery is wonderful, and just loves Zber, so one less distraction to deal w/ while dealing w/ Bub.  I get asked if I want another cat.  ????  no.   Then I get into the sanctuary and note it is set up for a concert.  My whole soul drops to the bottom of my feet.  Bub does not deal w/ loud music well.  Grandma and Grandpa aren't here.  I prepare to leave within 5 min of the music starting.  I hate doing that.  I gear myself up for this, and I will be leaving almost as soon as I get there.

Here is the amazing part:  It was a family that played bluegrass.  Bub was completely mesmerized by this family and their music.  He sat the whole time and listened.  no fussing.  no screaming.  no trying to run away.  He wanted to hold both Joe and my hands.  He wanted me to help him clap in time w/ the music.  He clapped between the songs all by himself w/o any prompting that it was time to clap.

We gave them a large (for us) donation.

I was teary eyed watching Bub enjoy himself so much.

I am a sap.

The music itself was very inspirational.

I need to trust more that God is giving me the right directions, even when I don't feel up to following them and I'm dragging my feet.

After the service I brought Bub up to the leader of the family (the dad) and told him that Bub has never liked live music and has never sat thru an entire service w/o fussing, and that he loved the music so much.  I asked Bub to say "Thank you", and Bub signed "Thank you" and shook his hand.  He asked if Bub was deaf, and I had to explain that Bub has autism, and that he can hear and understand fine, he just can't/won't talk *we're still trying to decide that one*.  He gave us a CD, but I had Joe put some extra cash in the CD donation box.
If you can inspire my son that much, I will throw money at you.  Even tho I'm mostly broke.

If you get a chance check out their website....  The Hartley Family

As always Joe and I got into a "mock" argument about whether or not bluegrass is country.  My stand is that it isn't...bluegrass is to country as dixie is to jazz.    Joe laughed at me.  I know he thinks he's right.  I'll let him think it if it makes him happy, cuz right now...I am super happy.


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving pictures!

the "G" needs a little work....

Broccoli Salad- w/ Bacon!!!  yum!

Momma & Zber!

If I photoshop a tree in the back, we could have our Christmas picture here  :)

This was the 2nd attempt....

She squints when the red light comes on cuz she knows it's about to flash at her...

Just look at that nose!  lol!

Me and my Bub...w/ a mouth full of Dr. Pepper....

Chocolate truffle pie!  Bub devoured his piece.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year is a year to be thankful about.  Zber is slowly beginning to verbalize, she now will "Moo" with me, and we are still hearing "up" and "no" and "byebye"  Bub is able to write his entire alphabet and 1-20 all by himself w/o any prompting.  Joe has started designing again, and I have a new job in a pediatric unit.

We are going to Grandma Dorlaine's and Grandpa Ken's for Thanksgiving lunch in a little bit. My contribution is broccoli salad and a dairy-free version of Chocolate trufle pie.  One of the BEST chocolate pies I ever had, thank you to Lindy Loo from "Yeah, that Vegan Shit".  but although we are not vegan (at all) vegan recipes are the best for us to use for deserts for Bub's food allergy to all and any milk products.

so I am off to shower and wake zber from her nap (she has been enormously crabby today).  Love you all, and God Bless us all!


Sunday, November 20, 2011

So, Joe tells me the kids drove him crazy today while I was at work.  I believe him.  They are both still awake and protesting bedtime.  Z goes to bed at 6:30 normally, Bub is in bed by 7pm.  it is 8:30 right now.  I just changed Z's wet diaper and rocked and sang to her.  She wouldn't settle down, and kept trying to play peekaboo, and pulling off my glasses.  Momma said, "no ma'am"  and put her back in bed. I also fed them before I put them to bed, as Joe didn't realize the pork chops I prepared (uncooked) was intended for him to pop in the oven to cook to feed the family for dinner.

This working days is not working well for me. My kids get hyper when they finally get to see me, right before the go to bed.  hyper and bedtime are not a good mix.

Bub started crying when he heard me get home.  I have no idea why.  then after lots of hugs and kisses, he got hyper that I was home.  after eating he got even more hyper.  he started settling down after we did his bedtime routine, but he is still up.  I hear him playing w/ his "Leapfrog refrigerator DJ" toy (previously referred to as "anni-oo" d/t song #3 on the alphabet 'channel'). He hums along w/ the songs.  his favorites are '20 little leapfrogs', 'Birdie bye bye', and 'the Uppercase letter song'.  He used to love 'Anni-oo' and drew pictures of the little guy dancing the "anni-oo" until momma started singing the song all the time and getting him to do the 'Anni-oo' dance with me.  Now when I ask him to play "anni-oo" he giggles and plays every OTHER song on this thing. 

anyhow.  long day.  I have 1 day off and then 2 more on.  I hope 1 day with momma is enough for the kids to be ok w/ no momma for 2. 

Nite & Nubs.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

He's not big on eating vegetation....

I have discussed before how much I hate grocerying, unfortunately, it is my job, as I am the only one willing to spend the time infront of the PC reviewing the circulars and adding ecoupons on to our grocery store cards, and going thru the coupons my wonderful Mom sends me every week.  I am also the only one determined enough to shop to a budget.

I typically set our food budget to around $150-200 for a 2 week period.  this is not much really for a family of 4 with food allergies... and this also includes diapers, cleaning products, self care products etc... so sometimes it is VERY hard to stay on this budget, and I let not-as-important-things go, like junk food, or fancy cleaning products and get a $1.00 bottle of bleach instead and/or a safe store-brand of cereal and marshmallows and make "cereal bars" in lieu of said junk food that my family craves and inhales at alarming speeds which is another reason I don't buy junk food very often.

so I really love the holiday season where I can take advantage of sales like $.49/lb full turkey.  I got a 22lb turkey today for $10 and change.  this is the 2nd one I've bought since Nov1.  I'm thawing it out in the fridge and since I have monday off, and it will prolly only be fully thawed by then, I will chop that sucker up, cook different portions in different ways and then refreeze the cooked meat for later meals.  these things make me happy on paper...on monday I will be cursing myself for doing this to myself because the only alternative will be to let the turkey go bad and toss it, which will make me even more mad and further cursing of self will ensue.

anyhow, today was the biweekly shopping trip.  I spent prolly around 2 hours on and off preparing for this trip, I went to 4 different grocery stores (not walmart!!!!!!) according to the receipts I saved a total of $82.13 by taking advantage of store sales and about a dozen coupons (diapers and wipes were included in this trip)...I don't typically use a lot of coupons as I find certain store brands are more likely to be safe for Bub and are still cheaper than the name brand with a coupon.  I was under my budget by about $13!  the only thing I didn't get that I was planning on was some chicken, and that was because the store had sold out of it for the day.    so Yayee to me...the madness I put myself thru pays off, even if I am all pissy while doing it. 

after getting home I have the madness of putting it all away & cutting up the bulk meats into meal-sized portions.  Plus I have decided that while I am working days this month, I will pre-make the next day's dinner so all Joe will have to do is pop it in the oven so I don't have to worry about my kids eating hotdogs and instant potatoes every day I have to work...or ramen....This really does happen.
I have to constantly remind Joe to make sure he feeds the kids either a veggie or a fruit w/ every meal.  He's not big on eating vegetation, so he forgets the kids need it...and I get mad when they don't get vegetation at every meal, and me mad at Joe is a thing Joe likes to you would think I wouldn't need to do the constant reminders...but I do.
we have lots of canned and frozen veggies on hand to help Joe remember.  lol.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I'm sure the girl named "Ryan" wished she could bomb me over the phone....

Currently on hold with an online pharmacy that I found that has affordable meds for Bub while we wait for our new insurance to begin in January.  I placed the order on 11/4/11.  On 11/10/11 I was told I should have it yesterday.  I don't.  I know to expect mixups and delays the 1st time using a new service...but come on.  Today is the last day I have his current meds.  I really don't want him to miss a dose.

The website says its being processed...but what does that mean?  that it will be shipped in another week?  It is madness.  All because Bub's med is not a highly used drug, and it's indications for use are limited and must be monitored w/ blood tests and such.  puff.


What is really frustrating me right now is that this chick (she said her name was "Ryan", and I responded w/ "really?"  and she got pissed at said the payment that I posted on 11/4 for this order didn't go thru until yesterday (11/14), however my bank statement says it cleared on 11/8???  something is not adding up here.  I called back to get an explanation from the manager/supervisor since "Ryan" was prolly lying to me w/ my mocking surprise of her "name", or to be charitable she was reading me a line of crappola that her upity-up told her to spew out at disgruntled part-time housewives like me (having been in middle management at telemarketing companies, I know this to be true since I used to be the manager coaching my employees to read crappola to customers when I knew it was a pile of crappola...which is why I am no longer in telemarketing...but I digress...) so anyhow, I call back, spend 20+ min on permahold, get thru, ask to talk to a supervisor, am told  I will be transfered to said supervisor and then am put on a nameless voicemail...prolly where they put the disgruntled part-time housewives that are barely refraining from swearing and usage of other creative conversational devices.  or maybe this guy had creative listening and thought I said "put me to a nameless voicemail box please"  maybe...I am told I have a MN accent....dontcha know.... puff.

(much later)

I tried to call back again...was again on permahold.  got tired of it and had to give up because I really needed to make dinner for my poor family who had been putting up w/ my dramatic sighs over this all day, plus had to get ready to take Bub to his horseback riding therapy (the only one we can afford right now), and be ready to drive immediately to my PRN job once I dropped him off at home.  so it was busy.  Now that I am home from my 1/2 shift, I logged on to the pharmacy site to see if there has been any change to the status.  SURPRISE.  nothing changed.  sent an offline "instant message" requesting enlightenment and a conversation w/ a supervisor to discuss "Ryan"s snippy attitude with me earlier, because as the day continued, I became more convinced it wasn't me, and I had been VERY patient with her and did not swear once at her...although I did do the record-player technique until I am sure she wished she could bomb me over the phone.

And so, sometime on Wednesday I will try to find a conclusion to this abysmal state of affairs.  meanwhile, I filled yet another week of the risperidone ODT for Bub for the "low low" price of  $70.00.  Yayee for me. Yayee for expensive not popularly used drugs that jack up the price.  puff.

Nubs to all anyway

Sunday, November 13, 2011

it's better today, kinda...

well, the dishes are done, most of the laundry is cleaned and put away thanks to Joe's helpfulness this morning.  Unfortunately the brakes on our car did something bad last nite while Joe was coming back from his nite with the boys.  No accidents or anything, but he's at Sears right now attempting to get them fixed.  Bub is at grandma's, and Zber is chillin w/ me, half watching TV and half playing w/ sidewalk chalk.  (alright...really she's kinda EATING the chalk everytime I turn my back....guess I'll be getting out some miralax for her tonight to counter the extra Ca2...puff)

I made Yabluchnyk this morning (Ukrainian Apple Cake), and we have 3 pieces left.  Bub kept sneaking off w/ apple slices while I was doing all the prep work.  I discovered that my egg-cutter also is wonderful for slicing peeled apples into uniform slices...and that Bub is able to help me cut apples now w/o my having to worry if he will slice off his fingers.  Yayee, one more thing I can let Bub help me with in the kitchen!!!

Little Kitty Masquerade and Zber tussle like puppies, and Bub gets concerned/jealous of/for Zber and splits them up which ends in massive Zber crying.  I tell Joe that I have no idea how he does it every day and that YES I WILL get him a membership to the fitness center associated w/ my new job....esp since it has free day-care while you work out and they have no issues/limitations with us bringing our son w/ non-verbal autism. this time they have no issues with it....that may change after a few times we visit with him....sigh,

Must dash.  Nubs all today.  :)

Saturday, November 12, 2011

I know better

I wish my camera was working so I could show you how horrible my kitchen is right now.  Joe made an attempt on the dishes earlier this week, but neither of us actually finished doing them.  At some point in the last 3 days one of the kids (prolly Bub) spilled cereal or graham crackers on the floor and they have been crushed to a fine dust that sticks to my feet as I walk across the floor.  I cleaned the counters at some point yesterday and they are cluttered w/ koolaid stains and I have no idea what else.  My living room is cluttered with toys and clean and dirty clothes and cat toys.  there are unidentifiable crushed crumbs and chocolate soymilk stains all over my couch.
I spent an hour already today picking up all the diapers off the floor of my bathroom when the bathroom trash overfilled with diapers and scrubbing the effin toilet clean and the sink and the floor, and random poo stains off the walls around the tub from Bub poo episodes this week while I was at work.

I can not wait to be back on nights.  when I work nites I can at least keep the mess at bay.  poor Joe is going nuts by the time the kids go to bed and when I get home I'm so tired.  neither of us are doing anything to dent the chaos created by our little darlings. 

I need to do the dishes. If I just start, I'll keep going...maybe...if I am lucky.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Bub did it for two days in a row

That's right.  My Bub has pooped in the potty 2 days in a row.  I am speechless.  he did it on his own.  no prompting from either Joe or I.  Both times it was during his pre-bed-time bath.  I guess he's finally connecting the urge to go with the actual action of pooping.  I am so excited about this.

When we were first going thru adjusting to Bub's diagnosis of autism, there actually was a support group in the area (it's non-existent now)  there were parents and grandparents there that had older kids/young adults with varying levels of ability.  Most of them tried to reassure me that potty training *probably* would happen since Bub has a fairly high level of functioning, and that pretty much it would be around 7 y/o.

At the time, Bub was barely 3, and my heart was falling...4 more years of diapers...if I'm LUCKY??!?!!??!!!!

sometimes, what is said to bring hope will crush the soul of the recipient.  Yeah, that was pretty soul crushing.

but it seems that they were pretty dead on.  I wonder why 7 seems to be the magic number that people told me to expect positive changes.  I have had several people tell me that.  it's odd, and getting harder and harder to dismiss.  Today in addition to the previously mentioned accomplishment, I walked into his room and found him writing his alphabet on a dry-erase board with a washable marker. (the door was closed so no Z-marker incident)  He gets to S on his own now (usually), after "s" he does a row of "H" (all capitals, no lowercase "h") then resumes the alphabet at "U". (I think this is a type of 'elaboration')  He's getting much better with remembering "M"s point down, and "W"s point up.  He's not mixing them up as often anymore.  He is still having some hard times distinguishing between "S" and "5" tho...but then my "5" look like "S" half the time, so peh.

As for my Zber, she is beginning potty training too.  She now knows to pee when we sit her on the potty.  And she is ALL over putting TP in the potty and pulling the flush.  She loves flushing the toilet.  she also loves throwing toys in the toilet if she manages to sneak in there when we are looking...but so far, nothing has gotten stuck, and we have not needed to call a plumber or our landlord. *whew*

She is starting to join in on the hand-movements for itsy-bitsy spider now.  not everytime, but enough to make this mommy all teary eyed thinking about it. (Bub has yet to join in yet...ever.)

nite all.  one more day off and then the next 2 days of my unit orientation (Yayee).


Thursday, November 03, 2011

My color is yellow

I don't know that I entirely agree with that.  when I read the personality traits to Joe for this color, he snort-giggled a lot in agreement (yes my hubby can snort and giggle simultaneously)...I'm still not sure if I should pull out the "mad" at him or not.

The biggest disagreement with this color, is that they are described as extroverted.  I am NOT extroverted.  I know I do this bloggy-thing and "self-publish", but that's because I can hide behind my PC, and you only see the "Good" pictures and so what if I'm slightly silly...most of you don't know me, will prolly never meet me...and if you are 7 of my 8 followers, you already know what an incredible nerd I really am and love me anyhow- so I can do the silly shit and not have a panic attack about it.

But that last part of the sentence, after the hyphen, actually was a very "yellow" statement....maybe you can be a shy-extrovert?  would that be like an Internet stalker?  you go and read all these posts and never comment, except as "anonymous"?  huh.

well, I made 2 people's day today...2 fairly gray/silver older gentlemen.  The 1st was on my elevator ride up to orientation.  I happened to be the one by the floor buttons, and I didn't hear the older gent tell me what floor he wanted, so when everyone else got off I asked him if I missed his floor.  He assured me I didn't, and I said something ridiculous like "well, I'm kinda the 'floor master' here...wanted to make sure I didn't miss you"..the way I say silly things like that w/ lots of animated hand-movements, quotation marks, and unconscious ASL signing.  He started laughing told me he really needed that, then launched into an excessively sad story about a friend of his that was having health problems.  !!!!?   I did the empathy sad face and listened...cuz the "yellow" in me can't walk away from someone w/ a sob story.  Then at lunch, I was waiting for someone in the cafeteria to get their utensils and some elderly gent with a limited number of teeth told me I was pretty....I said "Thanks, but I feel like I've passed the age where you still feel like you can be pretty" (while laughing of course...It's much easier to 'insult' yourself while laughing, and you usually get people to contradict you and then hear all sorts of nice things about yourself without sounding like you are fishing for complements....

Dear Lord, I really am a yellow personality.  Please help me not to be so unconsciously manipulating when possible.  Amen.   :(


I was attempting to do the NaBloPoMo  this month, however I failed on day 2 to post.  I sat down the the PC after work, shopping and feeding & putting to bed of the kids and promptly fell asleep.  Joe chased me to bed after some unknown point and I completely forgot to post. boo.  no prizes for me.  bummer.

This is definately an "I-suck" labeled post.  :(

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

2nd day

Today I got to meet all sorts of people I will be working my new user ID and passwords that don't work yet, but are promised to work by tomorrow.  Which is especially good since all I do tomorrow is computer-stuff I have to be logged in to do.

I have determined that I will need to bring my own lunches and snacks to work since I have been feeling oogy after lunch the last 2 days.  That kinda sucks cuz it means I need to be pretty proactive and plan-aheady so I don't just get caf' food cuz I didn't bring anything...  boo.

Bub is at Windridge right now, with Joe and Z.  If I haven't shared before, Bub is learning 2-point riding on a new horse named Dancer...again, will post pictures once I get a working camera.  As I mentioned the last few days, Bub is having a hard time w/ controlling his negative emotions in a constructive way.  I am starting to be fairly concerned about it as we are putting all his insurance-covered therapies on hold until my new insurance kicks in.  And I have to get documentation that he has been uncovered for less than 63-days so that his "pre-existing condition" will be covered by our new insurance.  Don't you love how YOU as the consumer have to be on top of these clauses and exceptions to ensure you get what you need.  the only reason I even know about this is that I saw "without pre-existing conditions" in very fine print. and started to ask questions.  yes there is one of "me" in every group to the underinformed HR rep's dismay.  haha-kinda.

Anyhow...hope tomorrow is just as good.  nite.  :)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Good day w/ a brief bad interlude..

Today was my 1st day at my new lots of orientation and sitting around getting lectured to...about stuff I really do need to know...but will never be able to entirely retain. 

Joe and I decided to go out to dinner WITH the kiddos...I really didn't feel up to cooking, and heck, we "needed" to celebrate my new job.  Plus since we don't do halloween, we wanted to do some kind of alternative for the kids...even tho Bub is oblivious to holidays except Christmas, and Z is still learning the whole holiday thing.  Plus I found 2 free kids meal vouchers for Texas Roadhouse that I won YEARS ago in a March of Dimes hey- kids eat free...I don't cook...we're all winners!

Unfortunately just before we go, Bub had some issues...having to rush out right after getting home from school to pick me up disrupted Bub's schedule of Mondays enough to have some sensory and emotional challenges.  Bub was getting a little too grabby of Zber to Joe's level of tolerance (I was in the shower), so after a few failed attempts to get Bub to stop, Joe picked him up and carried him to his room to have a cool-down talk about respecting other's space.  Bub got upset and head-butted Joe...not really hard, but he hit Joe's glasses in such a way that the glasses gauged a chunk of flesh off Joe's upper left eyebrow!  Bub ended up hurting the side of his head in this and both Daddy and Son were making lots of "Angry Bird" kinds of noises.

Fortunately, we were able to calm Bub down and maybe this time got it thru his head that he's a big boy now and can't just go around bonking people in the head when he gets mad and impatient. *hope hope hope*

After everyone was patch up (Joe's so lucky I love doing wound care...) we went to Texas Roadhouse, our server was awesome.  we typically don't get good service when we go out with the kids, we typically get rushed out and not a whole lot of understanding about special needs and restricted diets.  She was so helpful, I think we have found our new "family" restaurant (even tho we can only really afford going out 1 time a month typically). 

Now the kiddo's have full bellies and are settling down for bed, and I have a little time to myself before I go to bed. Yayee  for mostly good days  :)

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Phone conversations w/ my Hubby while I'm at work

Me- Hi hon, how are you?
Joe- I'm ok now.
Me- How are the kids?
Joe- we're not talking about that.
Me- Oh sh*t, what did Bub do?
Joe- not talking about it.
Me- you need to tell me what he did.
Joe- Well, he wouldn't listen to anything I would tell him, Zber managed to pull off her pants and diaper in her crib and everything was wet and he kept sneaking in to jump on the bed while I was trying to clean her up-
Me- what?  didn't you put zber in a zip-up jammy?
Joe- no, I just used the dora ones from last night.
Me- but you know she did the same thing last nite...
Joe- I just grabbed it cuz it was there.
Me- what next.
Joe- I made him take a time-out in his room, and when I came back his pants were off and there was a streak of poo across the whole room.
Me- so he had a defiant poo.
Joe- yep.
Me- I'm sorry babe.
Joe- me too.

Ten years ago, I would have never believed this was my, this is my "normal"

be kind to parents w/ special needs kids.  :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

why I will never believe humans as a whole are "good"

I subscribe to the notion that there is no such thing as a "good" person.  I believe we are all hateful mean selfish beings at heart who would act on those base emotions if we could only determine how to not get in trouble for it.  the only good thing about people is that most have a higher level of "not wanting to get into trouble" than those that don't care about others and act on their baser feelings.

One of the blogs I follow posted this today.  (Cheeseblarg)

She worked really hard to live a dream, and then got screwed by some random nobody.  It made me cry.

Having recently just gone thru a week of having only $40 left in my possession due to a crappy person not doing their job at my almost ex-job (last day is 10/29), I greatly empathize with her emotional state.

I'm sorry that happened to you JRose...I'm sorry people suck.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

SEE!!!! THIS is why I fear becoming a hoarder!!!!!

So two weeks ago while Bub was doing his horseback riding therapy, I was talking w/ one of the other moms there.  We were bemoaning how quickly the boys were growing and how people stop giving you hand-me-downs around 5 y/o.  Bub is older and considerably bigger than her boy, so I offered to give her some of his size 6 pants that he recently out-grew...not realizing I gave a bunch of them away already to my friend Crystal,  but not to freak home-organizational skills are so crappy, I was sure I'd find some more if I really looked around.  Sadly...I was right.

You see, this week has been really odd for us.  I have 1 shift left at my job before I change to PRN and start my new job on Monday, so It's kinda been like a "crap!  clean and organize the house NOW cuz it will prolly be MONTHS before I have this much time off again!!!!"  kind of week.  I've got the kitchen nearly completely scrubbed down.  Joe deep-cleaned the bathroom yesterday, and Bub's room today...I'm working on Bub's non-functional closet (mainly because we keep it locked so Bub can't poo on the floor in there....)  and my closet, so I find all these bags and boxes of clothes and start sorting.
2 small bags of baby boy clothes 3mo-1 y/o for a friend
2 small bags of size 6 boys pants/shorts for my horse-therapy-mom friend
2 HUGE bags of baby girl clothes 3mo-1yr  (goodwill unless I get a ref to someone nearby that needs/wants it)
1 HUGE bag of boy clothes 4T-6T

Sadly...I really haven't been keeping up w/ the kids clothes...Bub is nearly a size eight and I'm just clearing out the last of his size 4T stuff.  Tho, he did go from a size 5 last March to a nearly 8 this I should get a little credit??  oh well.  Z is over 18 months, but still is too small for most of her 2T I had to find that box and make sure it's ready for when she needs it.  I have a ton of clothes for her until she hits 5T, so I have to start hitting the walmart clearance racks for those sizes.  lol!  I got her Christmas dress for this year last May for a dollar.  I am so bad. 

And to make today even more fun, I verified when my insurance will end...before Bub can get a refill on his Risperidone.  I spent some time looking up the cost w/o insurance.  It's nearly $300 for a 30 supply.  BUT that's for the meltaways.  I can get the normal tabs for around $20 for 30 now we have to find out: Will bub take them?  I think he will as they are so SMALL....but I think I can get him to if I bribe him with candy afterwards....maybe...  At least I am crafty and even thought ahead and planned for this outcome.   

Due to this 2 month lapse in healthcare coverage (No WAY I can afford cobra), my MIL is trying to persuade me to get Bub on Social Security for disabilities so he can be on Medicaid/Medicare... I have really not wanted to do that yet.  It's like slamming the book down on at the end of a Good Friday Service.  I rationally know I will need to do that for Bub, but I made the decision not to do that until he's 10 just so my heart would have a glimmer of hope the autism diagnosis may be altered in some way.  Or at least his expected outcome would be more functional.  And I'm not saying he isn't functional...because he IS very functional, on an ADL level...but they don't test for those things....and those things don't make a difference on any paperwork or rating scale or anything "officially" clinical, just to me and those that deal with and work with Bub on a daily basis.  and that sucks for my little heart.  

So in the next few months or so, I will be detailing my heart-crushing adventures of applying for SS-disability for my son.  Let me know if you have any pointers if you have gone thru it...and I know...don't be discouraged if you are denied the first time...just keep applying and maybe get a lawyer....  sad.

*I was hoping to include pictures...but we still are having uploading issues with the "cheap" digital camera we got Bub for his birthday*  *sorry*

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sundays can really suck...

The worst day in our house is typically Sat or Sunday.  Esp if Joe or I or both of us are sickly on either of those two days.  See...This is how it is btwn all of us....  I worked hard during the week and want to chill out and recoup from my job...Joe worked hard during the week and wants to chill out from the kids.  Bub had a hard week at school being in a disciplined scheduled and wants to not listen to anyone at any time to chill out from the week, Zber is super excited to have everybody home at the same time so She won't sleep during nap-time and insists on waking up at 3am to ensure all the playtime with us all she can cram in to a brief 48 hr period.

I had a mandatory vaccine in my rt deltoid on Friday for my new job. arm is STILL killing me and I had what felt like a 3-day hangover all Friday and Saturday.  Joe had digestive issues all last nite and he wanted (and did) to hide out in bed out of misery.  Bub wanted to poo on the floor a lot least 3 times just today.  He really hates it when I scrub his fingernails...but like I tell him..."If you are going to touch it, I'm going to scrub it...I see you forget to use your fork sometimes!!!!"   Zber found a piece either Joe or I missed.  I threw up in my mouth a little...which is odd since I deal with a lot of poo at work too.  Maybe it was because she's my baby...I don't know...either way, puke in the mouth is just not a happy kind of thing.

But back to the vaccine thing...if one little vaccine can eff me up, I who am....(let's be kind...) ...rubinesque...imagine how it can eff up a little baby...and they want to do up to 9 different ones at once?  not to my babies...and not in Texas.  YEA for my philosophical right to refuse!!!  I'm an adult, and it made me have one of the worst head-aches of my life...and you're telling me it won't damage a baby's neurologic tissues?  I'll give the shots, but I sure won't let my babies have them on any one else's time frame but MINE!


Monday, October 17, 2011

picked up a bug

I am feeling really crappy today.  it's pretty sucky cuz I have tons to do, and my next rotation starts tomorrow nite.  my head hurts like hell.  I hate this.

But on the plus side....I HAVE A NEW JOB!!!!  I got hired on at one of our local hospitals in the pediatric department!  Yayee me!!!  I'm still working nights, but I am very cool with that.  I'm really used to it by now, so that isn't an issue.   And yes..this was what my "mystery meeting" was all about. 

I would be bouncing around about this but I'm getting either thru some bug or I'm still recouperating from working all night on Sat-sun in floor stripping fumes. floor stripping fumes are not my friends apparently.  I had the worst headache on Sunday and pretty much slept all day and night. I barely spent any time with the kids the whole day.  I feel like a terrible mom.  :(

Other exciting news....Bub has poo'ed twice in the potty all by himself since last week, and Zber is saying "kitty" and "STOP"  and "y-sssssss" (it's not fully vocalized "yes", but I will take it!).  ECI visitied and Zber is not showing any need for therapies at this time. (whew!)  Masquerade (our new kitty) lets Zber pick her up carry her all over w/o complaint, and Joe fixed our old PC. our brakes AREN'T complete toast (we just needed to add brake fluid).  and we didn't bounce a single thing financially after paying all the bills. 

Somehow, we are doing things right for once.  hope we can keep it up.  :)


Tuesday, October 04, 2011

anxiety attack

I have my "Mystery meeting" tomorrow.   Out of no where around 1pm today, I had a minor panic attack.  I haven't had a panic attack since before Bub was born.  The last one was when I was in EC, and my  Idiot  boss was railing on me for something...I don't even remember what it was about... and I just started hyperventilating and crying hysterically at the same time.  not fun.  I'm surprised he didn't call 911 with what a mess I must have been.
Today was nothing so dramatic.  Just some heart palpations that would best be described as "lurches" and a slight increase to my resp. rate accompanied by the typical thoughts you get when facing these kinds of meetings. I'll be fine.  I already gave myself the Stuart Smalley peptalk in front of my mirror today and Joe has been wonderfully kind, agreeing with me to screw going grocery shopping today, and then not laughing at me when I decided to go 30 min later.  But that's really me in a nutshell, yeah?  I talk all blustery and rebellious, and then cave in and do the right thing after I'm left alone and calm down a bit. 

Shopping sucked as it always did.  I had to buy specialty items that I normally don't because they last so long.  For example: Ground Cardamom was effin $10 for a flipping McCormick spice bottle size.  WHAT?!?  It's not like I'm buying lark-tongues or saffron.  Diapers were upmarked this week, and that bummed me out, so I'm going to have to shop around to get Zber's butt-covers at a decent price. THANK YOU LORD that Bub no longer wears pull-ups and uses the toilet to pee into.  Now...if we could just do something about the frequency of poo getting into the toilet instead of the floor, I would be ever so happy....


Saturday, October 01, 2011

Doctor visit x2 kiddos

Random Bub elaboration
We did it. We took both kiddos to the doctor at the same time yesterday.

It was and wasn't a nightmare...if you know what I mean...

- Bub stood on the scale all by himself w/o freaking out.  (95 percentile)
- Bub allowed himself to be measured for height
- Zber is nearly 25 lbs and is at 45 percentile for her age (no more underweight concerns!!!!)
- Zber had no issues with her exam
- Doctor gave me NO problems when I asked for a referral to ECI for Zber
- Doctor gave me no "vaccines are important" speech since we decided to skip vaccines this visit

Nightmare moments:
- Bub's ears getting checked (ie- pinning him down amidst loud screaming)
- Bub attempting a great escape from the exam room
- Bub throwing himself off the exam table
- Explaining Bub's special diet to the new nurse
- The nurse doing the initial exam of the kids telling me she wanted to get a job at my facility.....
- Almost forgetting to get a Doctor's note for Bub's school
- Ensuring that they removed ALL traces of medicaid for Bub's coverage...since we don't qualify for it anymore...

So, after we had to get the kids home and fed b4 we could take Bub back to school, he missed his lunch during the appointment.  Thankfully that went well, I tried to stay up until 6pm but passed out in front of the PC watching season 2 of "South Park"  Which is pretty good considering I had been awake for 26 hours by then.  At some random point Joe woke me up for a return call from the "Mystery submission" and I have a meeting about it on Tuesday.

Then this morning I forgot I had a work function and didn't remember until 2 hours after it started.  However, since I am an RN, not a LVN, I am already certified/authorized to do the procedure this training was on, I think it will be ok...but I would have liked to have a refresher on it, so I'm still kicking myself in the butt about forgetting....but to be fair, we were woken up at 5:30 by Bub pounding on the door which scared Zber who then started crying her head off....and Joe was feeling poorly and I was/am still wiped out from my Thursday-friday day, so my head was not where it usually needs to be.

I've been very lazy today.  I did do the dishes, and fed the kids at appropriate times, and gave the kids their I guess I did what I needed to do.

We got a new kitten yesterday.  We ended up having to give Gunk away to another home because he did not like Zber...he kept spitting at her and acting like he was going to bite her face off.  He's [Gunk] very happy now and has a new cat friend.  I'm glad for that.  This new kitten has 6 toes on each paw, is black and white and is SO mellow around the kids.  Bub is very happy and is learning to pet her softly, Zber hasn't figured out that tails are NOT for grabbing and pulling yet.  we put up the baby-gate in front of the laundry room so the kitten can come and go as she pleases.  Bub wants to play with the kitty litter.  I try not to gag when I find Bub in there doing just that.  If he wasn't before, Bub is now an expert at hand-washing techniques, Nurse

Thursday, September 29, 2011

happy snoopy dance!

So...  I submitted a *mystery* document on Friday.  I got a call back about it yesterday at 4:57..right while I'm getting report.  Of course I am a good little employee and actually FOLLOW the no cell phones on the floor rule.  (I think I am the only one....including my bosses....) so I don't see that I got the call until I took a quick break around 6:45.  I wasn't expecting a response for another week or Yayee me  lol!

I meant to make cabbage rolls last nite before heading to work, I did the cabbage prep-work before I went to sleep yesterday morning, but I got a case of the lazy when I woke up.  It followed me to work, and since I didn't have any emergencies last night, my case of lazies grew.  This is not a good mood to be in when trying to stay awake until biz hours to make a return phone call.  I'm doing the 1st week of experimental Charge Nurse On-call next week, so fitting this in next week may prove problematic, but I am creative and resourceful....and sleep is only for the lazy..right?  oy.

Yesterday Zber fell asleep on the floor 20min before Bub got home from school.  Bub gets home sees her asleep on the floor...guess what he did...  He picked her up, which woke her up, which made her a crabby crab apple.  she's crying her eyes out, and bub is laughing his head off.  So what am I dealing with here?  Is bub laughing because he thinks it's funny he woke her up and she's crabby (cuz momma had that kind of mean streak in her towards HER little brother when I was a kid) OR is this the "inappropriate laughter" that tends to rear it's ugly head in my little man?  either way, it did not help me kick the lazy before going to work. Thank you once again autism for helping to make clear all life's little mysteries.... *insert eyes rolling*

Other than that, once Zber calmed down, the kiddo's were good, and chilled out with me until I had to leave for work.  Joe reported that Zber fell asleep in the hall in front of our room waiting for Joe to put her to bed a half hour after I left, and Bub did 2 more pages of homework. 
Got this from a friend on FB- wish I could credit it- If it's you...I love this sentiment.  :)

Today I have to tackle much:
- call the callback back
- call the pharmacy for Bub's script renewal
- get Bub to Speech therapy
- gear up for tomorrow's double-death session (both kids see the the same time)(I'm going to die)
- other things that my poor lazy and sleep deprived head can't remember at the moment but will come crashing into my brain right as I start to nod off giving me a major adrenaline rush and accompanying panic attack.  blah.

Nite/morning folks.  wish me success?  Nubs!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Meltdown: where the hell did that come from Bub?

Bub had -THE- biggest meltdown I have seen in a VERY long time this afternoon. 

I stayed up very late this morning after work, completing a document I had been working on for over a week.  I passed out on the couch watching Joe play "Angry Birds"....I don't get the allure..

When Bub got home from school around 3pm, I was still passed out on the couch...he attacked me w/ a big ol' smooch on the kisser, so he was in a very good mood.  I still didn't get awake until about 430 tho.  I went outside to grab the mail and heard such screaming coming from inside.

*Sometimes I think our neighbors worry about the noises coming from our house....*

I walk in to find Joe pinning Bub to the couch.  Bub's face is beet red and he's screaming his lungs out.  Joe says he had his back turned for a min, and found Bub attempting to hit Zber.  Obviously Bub and Joe are only intensifying eachother's anger, so I grab bub and convince him to hang out in his room with me.  I locked us both in.  Bub didn't like being locked in his room despite my being in there with him.  He tried to hit me, tried to hit and kick the walls and doors, tried to throw himself on the ground, tried to head-butt me.  I just kept stopping him and tried to distract him with his favorite toys, and getting him to copy momma doing deep breathing while signing "calm down" 

when he stopped screaming so loud and gave up on hurting me or himself, we went to the bathroom to get some APAP meltaways and brushed teeth and did the ACT rinse (tactile stimuli really helps, but it has to be "his" idea these days to make it successful).  so now he's smiling and we make funny faces at eachother in the mirror.

When we leave the bathroom, I announce to Bub that we are going to the kitchen to make his all time favorite dinner of chicken nuggets so he wouldn't remember his angriness and attempt to recapture the mood once he and Z came face to face again.  Momma's rouse was successful, I had bub help me make the nuggets.  He's really good at putting them in the microwave and setting the microwave, but he's always impatient and opens it up before they are done ad tries to eat the "raw" nuggets.

Thankfully, there were no more angry episodes before bedtime, and Bub helped me put new sheets on his bed after he tore his off and flung them on the floor during his meltdown.  He seemed to welcome the idea of bed, and he likes how Momma will play into his ritualistic-ness by setting up his blanket layers exactly right including putting the ani-ooh and camera in his bedding.

I think Zber must have tripped on Bub or did something that physically "hurt" him, because he kept trying to bang a specific body part on me and the walls...he usually only does that when he is actually hurting, not when he is just mad.  I have no idea why it escalated to such a high intensity today tho.  But it is Friday, and I've been at work Tues -Thursday nite. I wonder if this is happening at school.  I'm not getting any notes about it if it is tho.

Joe is worried his resperidone needs to be upped.  I have to remind him that Bub's med doesn't stop the anger and just tends to tone it down a bit so behavioral modifications have a chance to sink in.  my poor bub.  Autism sure can throw a loop on you very unexpectedly.

*FYI- Zber was not hurt by Bub...we keep a VERY close eye on things like this and protect both our children to the highest extent*

Thursday, September 22, 2011

almost finished

only 1 thing to complete before I hit send.  but I'm too tired to think clearly enough to sound rational.  waiting for Zber to fall asleep for her nap so I can collapse on my heating pad and blank out for a few hours.

I have bits and snippets of what to write in y brain.  but is a jumbly riot.  I really NEED to get this done.  *yes I am being vague again on purpose* 

You would think after all the years of reviewing and reading them this would be a snap..but honestly...some of my self-confidence in this area has eroded.  When you spend a few years out of the loop by being in school AND learning how to deal with a child with special kinda become one-tracked for the specific situation I find myself in.  Well, I did.  and still kind of view my life and activities as highly comparmentalized.

It's like I don't mesh with all my faces anymore.  I'm one way with my kids, another w/ Joe, still another at my job (well except with a few exceptional people), but you get the point.  Then again, I'm much more free here in my blog than anywhere else...mainly because I don't have you interrupting me.  lol   *kinda*

still waiting for the yummy (?) bottle of soy formula to work it's magic on Zber.  wish me success in pulling the bits and pieces together in a coherent fashion.


Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Madness

I'm upset! Joe caught something on Doctor Who today that I missed and shot him down on as silly...but he was right.  WHAT?!!!!  I'm supposed to be the DW nerd in this family..he only got into DW because I watched it all the time in our early years and our apartment was so small he couldn't get away from it...and NOW he's catching things I miss?!?!   NOOOOOOO  say it ain't so.....

I think I have failed in my nerdiness...

But the reference WAS to a Tom Baker episode, and tho I like Tom Baker's Doctor...he's not my favorite..but he IS Joe's maybe that's why he made the connection and I missed it ....5 min into the episode...grrrr.

I keep telling him to keep his mouth shut cuz that's my job.   grrrr   I think playing football today at the family reunion did something to a few knocks to him from the younger cousins....  lol    *kinda*

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

This posting is a real facebook conversation I had

 This posting is a real facebook conversation I had w/ one of my friends from childhood who also has a son with autism.  Names are changed to protect our children, families, and people who don't get it...
Please enjoy the music....
POSTING ON Facebook:
Article: Son with autism elopes, reminds parents to remain vigilant
Holly:   Henry is prone to wandering. This article really explains the fear and panic you go through as a parent. The last time Henry wandered off I found him at the neighbors house. Since we were planning to go there later in the day, it was the first place I looked. I just pray that he doesn't wander again.

    • Muppethead:   Bub wandered off from us once when a bunch of family was visiting. I don't like having lots of people over anymore because of it. Way too distracting to have people to entertain and risk losing track of where he is. I never want to go thru that again.
      41 minutes ago ·

    • Holly:  I feel the same way. I do not have "fun" when we do have people over because I feel that I have to watch Henry the whole time. People probably think I am rude when in mid conversation I bolt because Henry is leaving the room.
      38 minutes ago ·

    • Muppethead:  I know. and then other family members get upset because you don't want to do big reunions or holiday get-togethers. Every time I bring Bub to one I am a mess!
      37 minutes ago ·  

    • Holly:  Yup I totally agree. The work and the emotional toll being out at something like that is so hard to explain. The older Henry gets the less I enjoy hosting Thanksgiving with everyone. It is my favorite holiday, but at 7 Henry can let himself right out of the house with ease. When he was 4 I could lock the door and feel pretty secure he wouldn't get out. No longer.
      31 minutes ago ·

    • Muppethead:  Last Christmas, at grandma's with all the relatives visiting...Bub got so upset he stripped. I was actually happier with that than the time he ran off.
      29 minutes ago · ·

    • Holly:  At Christmas I try to pick a room that can be just for Henry. I take him to that room first and we sit down and talk about our safe room. I tell him that if things are too loud or hurting him that he can go to this room to calm his body and get away from everything. Then when I see things getting too crazy for him, I suggest the room. "Henry do you need to go to the safe room?" He usually replies with a very thankful "yes" and off we go to the safe room. (sometimes I wish I had my own safe room...tee hee)
    • can I take our string of comments and use it as my next blog entry? would you be ok with that
    • Heidi Zetterwall
      47 minutes ago
      that is a-ok with me. I am just hoping my family actually reads it. more specifically my in laws. did I ever tell you that *deleted*  asked me when Henry would be cured?
    • Nina Simpson
      46 minutes ago
      • REALLY?!? Did you tell him Henry will be cured when *deleted's* brain starts working?
      • I would be super upset...
    • Heidi Zetterwall
      45 minutes ago
      HollyI was super upset, but I know *deleted* is just old and doesn't really understand
    • Nina Simpson
      44 minutes ago
      • Back to the reunion- ... watching Bub streak... *I was laughing my ass off on the inside...*
    • Heidi Zetterwall
      43 minutes ago
      but that is exactly what I was thinking, he will be cured when your "foot in mouth" disorder is cured
      that is super funny on the is sometimes nice to be able to look back on it and realize that now people will better understand

    • Nina Simpson
      44 minutes ago
      • I'm sorry you have to go thru that.
    • Heidi Zetterwall
      43 minutes ago
      • good to hear that there is progress
      • I think there is progress with our family too, it goes in spurts
    • Nina Simpson
      42 minutes ago
      • yes. A lot. oddly..I think Henry has helped MY parents better understand what life w/ Bub is like. They tell me about you and Henry a lot. :):)
    • Heidi Zetterwall
      41 minutes ago
      • that is good
      • did they witness the meltdown at Sunday School Rally day on Sunday?
    • Nina Simpson
      38 minutes ago
      • It would only have been Dad. Mom's in CA

    • We go on like this for another hour or so. It's nice to have friends that get it.  that I don't have to go into great and detailed background with...that I can say "elopement" and they say.."Yes!  That happened to us too!  It was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me!!!"  
      Although, I am not happy that this has happened to my friend...I'm just happy I can talk to her and not get the "'s another crazy away" look.
      Gnite folks.  :) 


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